Are You Training Men NOT To Help You?

Image via Shutterstock

Image via Shutterstock

By Lisa Copeland, Guest Contributor

Last week, I was on a plane heading to California.

I was struggling trying to lift my bag into the overhead compartment.

A man standing behind me said, “Can I help you with that?”

I looked at him, smiled with relief and gladly said YES!

I was so grateful he came along because I was beginning to worry I might drop my overfilled suitcase on the head of the lady sitting right below the overhead bin.

This kind man took my suitcase and lifted it up as if it was light as a feather.

I thanked him and told him how much I appreciated his help.

(I’m sure that lady was grateful to him as well because she’d been looking at me with fear in her eyes and her hands over her head before this man had stepped up)

At this point of the story, magic happened as it always does when you thank and appreciate a man.

 His whole body puffed up with pride and joy and I truly believe if there’d been room in that aisle, he’d have strutted his stuff down to his seat in the way only men can do.

And it's all because a woman allowed him to help her and expressed gratitude for what he’d done.

Before working with me, many of my clients with successful careers would have told this kind man, “No thank you, I can do it myself.”

And I guarantee that man’s whole body would have caved in from being pushed away from something he was wired to do and that is to help you.

 Learning to balance the fine line of doing it all yourself and allowing someone to help you is one of the biggest problems my clients in high-powered positions face.

Why? Because they’re calling the shots all day long and they think they’ll look weak if they let a man help them.

The problem is, when you don’t let a man help you you’re training him to do less for you and you’re losing his co-operation.

And a man’s co-operation is something you need and want especially in a relationship.

 When I work with clients in a VIP experience, I always ask them to think about how they can make space in their lives to need a man.

(Want to know more about how a VIP Experience can help you find love with the perfect man in the second half of your life? Apply for a Dare to Live Your Dreams Complimentary Session with me here.)

Men are wired to fix for you and to keep you safe, protected and provided for.

This makes men feel needed.

If there is one takeaway from today’s blog, I want you to really get, it’s that men need to feel needed.

  If a man doesn’t feel needed, he moves on.

When I share this concept with my professional alpha clients they get silent because they can’t imagine what this would feel like.

For so long they’ve had to do everything for themselves.

They tell me they’re tired of doing it all alone and they’d love to have a partner who could do some of the heavy lifting both physically and emotionally.

In the past, many of them had been married to Beta males who expected these women to make all the decisions in their relationship.

Over time, this exhausted them and they began dreaming of the Alpha Male who would come into their life and just take over.

Not as easy as it seems.

To make room for an Alpha Male to come into your life, you have to be willing to let men help you.

It means allowing yourself to receive from men.

That means making space in your life for a man to feel needed by you in some way.

So here’s your homework….

  • Give some thought as to why you would need a man in your life…not just why you want him.
  • An easy way to learn to receive is to start asking men for their help on a daily basis whether it's opening the door for you or picking up something you dropped.
  • Thank and appreciate men when they help you and watch their body language shift before your eyes.

I want to share this quick note with you and it's similar to many I’ve gotten from men who just want to make you happy.

Thank you Lisa for giving women several important guideposts in breaching the gulf between women and men. It is so refreshing to see a relationship expert who has an understanding of what men want and need, and writes it in a direct and understandable way that women can use. I find your blogs very helpful to me, and very sound advice to those of us trying to navigate the “mature” dating scene.  John, Indiana

Lisa Copeland - Author

Lisa Copeland is known as the expert on over 50's dating. She's the best-selling author of The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50 and her mission is to help as many women around the world as she can discover how to have fun dating and finding their Mr. Right after 50. To get your FREE Report, "5 Little Known Secrets To Find A Quality Man," visit www.findaqualityman.com.