By Lisa Copeland
I used to emasculate men like it was my job.
Yes, I sure did because back when I first started dating, I didn’t understand men at all!
I was always friends with men and truthfully, I loved men but I didn’t have a clue into how a man’s brain worked or what made him tick.
Which leads to this story about men and women and how they think.
I was visiting a friend in Maine.
We started talking about men over the best cosmopolitans ever…. my friend had gotten really good at making them. They were light pink and so perfect!
Looking back, I think in that moment we were living a bit of a fantasy.
We sort of saw ourselves like a version of Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha from Sex and the City sharing drinks and the scoop on the men we’d dated.
Anyway, we’re hanging by the pool sharing ideas about what qualities made up our Ideal Man.
Here’s some of them . . .
He could talk about his feelings.
He was emotionally healthy and had done his work to get there.
He was sensitive and would let us talk it all out with him for as long as we needed.
His eyes didn’t glaze over if our story went longer than 5 minutes.
He naturally got women and understood and accepted us to our core.
You ever feel this way too about your Ideal Man?
You’re not alone if you do.
I hear these same qualities mentioned from women daily about the men they want to date.
Back to my friend and I… My limit for thinking clearly is usually 1 drink and now heading into my second, it suddenly dawned on me that the qualities we were looking for were qualities women shared.
We started laughing as we realized OMG; our Ideal Man is really a woman in a man’s body.
At the time this was pretty enlightening since we’d both only been dating a year or two.
But it wasn’t until two different men shared their thoughts about me not letting them be a man that I came to realize men don’t think like women.
You see women are community oriented.
We think about what is good for the community and we act on it from that perspective.
Men are hero oriented.
If they’re emotionally healthy, they want to keep you safe and do everything possible to make you happy.
Ever get irritated trying to share a story with a man?
You wanted to process the details with him like you would your friends.
But that didn’t work for him.
He couldn’t just listen, could he?
Nope, he had to fix it for you…something you probably found pretty irritating right?
That’s because a man’s DNA coding from the caveman days is about keeping you safe and protected.
How’s he do that?
By fixing the problem for you.
He’s just doing his job.
Your frustration comes from trying to take this job away from him.
If you want to tell a man a story about something that doesn’t need fixing, ask if you can have 5 minutes of his time to share what’s bothering you.
Men will relax, knowing they don’t have to figure out what you want them to fix.
You get to tell your story without having anything fixed.
This is a WIN WIN situation for both of you.
It allows him to be a hero and you to share and process whatever is bothering you.
You’ll be on the same page, which will make life so much easier.
Would love to hear if a man trying to fix everything when you share a story has ever happened to you.
About the Author
Lisa Copeland is known as the expert on over 50's dating. She's the best-selling author of The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50 and her mission is to help as many women around the world as she can discover how to have fun dating and finding their Mr. Right after 50. To get your FREE Report, "5 Little Known Secrets To Find A Quality Man," visit www.findaqualityman.com.
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