This One’s For the New Moms


Why is Mother’s Day one day? It should be recognized every day of the year, with the amount of shit mothers do on a daily basis. We should be put on a pedestal and carried around forever. Many of my friends have had babies this past year...obviously 2013 was a slow time. That being said, all new mothers (and really all mothers) are always worried they’re going to mess up parenthood. As a mother who has been there and done that, I’ve got a few words of wisdom for you.

Yes, you may call me Momma Yoda.

  1. Stop worrying about school. By the time he or she is old enough, you won't be able to afford it. And at the rate we are going with technology, everyone will be home-schooled in the future.
  2. Forget extracurricular activities. Don’t waste your money. Music, art, dance, sports. Parents we do this for two reasons: 1) to live vicariously through the child. (Yeah I know, you could've been the next Jeter, Picasso, Springsteen if only your parents trained you.) 2) we all need a reason to get the hell out of the house every once in awhile. Hire a sitter, go to the movies, see a play. Save the money for when you can't afford college. (See above)
  3. Spend quality time with your child. Simple yet so true. The best memories I have with my son include our drive to elementary school every morning. We'd talk, listen to music or just drive. It was magical. So much so that when our neighbors wanted to carpool I had to decline. I was then forever known in the neighborhood as Bitch Mom. And before you say it, yeah, I still am.
  4. Love them. Realize that no matter what you do, your child will become the person they are supposed to be. It explains why Barack Obama became president and why Donald Trump became, well, Donald Trump. To this day there are so many times I think to myself, what could I have done differently to help him along? Make him happy forever? Nothing. I did the best I could. And sadly life isn't happy ever after. Those damn fairy tales. Lies, all lies!

I look back at the whirlwind that is raising kids I think, “How did we all get out of that in one piece?” As I deal with an adult son and my friends deal with their little ones, I pine for the days when he was small. I miss it - yes. Glad it's over - absolutely.