I was once asked, by of my Honey Bees to write a story about the type of questions I would like to ask my close friends. This gets somewhat complicated because if they are already close friends, shouldn’t we know what makes them tick? These women are ‘the cream in our coffee.’ They add delicious flavor to our lives. We share thoughts, we ask questions and we give one another advice, therefore what additional questions do we have left to ask? Plenty darlings, plenty…

Close Friendships, Have You Asked 20 Questions?

I think of close relationships, it’s hard not to first think of my ultimate concierge. Our relationship is near perfect because we allow ourselves to be an open book with no secrets from one another. Upon reflection, close friendships are not meant to match the intimacy of a husband and wife. We can peel back and share layers of deep thoughts with our closest friends, but there are private situations and thoughts every woman keeps close to her chest.

When a close friend helps you swim to a safety net, you know she cares. When a close friend showers you with joy for an opportune circumstance, you know she is genuine, When a close friend defends you in front of others, you understand her loyalty. When you are within the company of close friends and you do not notice the time slipping away, you know you have simpatico, shared attributes and interests. What else do you need to know?

My Honey Bee came up with an interesting idea for a story. It would be enlightening to hear my closest friends’ answers to my questions. Likewise, it would be equally challenging for me to come up with my own thought-provoking questions.

We know women over 50  need one another and want strong friendships. No woman should be an island unto herself. No woman should stand alone. The deeper we understand our closest girlfriends’ psyches and vice versa, the stronger our bond becomes.

A Surprising Realization

Although we think we know our closest friends, I came to the surprising realization that there is plenty we don’t actually know about each other. We spend our time talking about social gossip, family drama, shopping, travel, what we are going to do with the rest of our lives, retirement, diets, politics, health issues, the latest fashion and beauty products.

However, rarely do we ask each other truly personal questions. Those are saved for the shrinks or as my ultimate concierge calls these professionals, stretches. While most women thirst to reveal their feelings, they stop short because they don’t want others, even their closest friends, to see their vulnerabilities.

Let’s Play A Game of 20 Questions

Most women thirst to talk. I know this because I have put together two groups of ten women that met monthly. I’d love it if you joined one of my private Facebook groups (I have three groups that serve women going through different transitions). Why? We women over 50 want to talk; we want to share. We want to belong. Most importantly, we want to grow and we don’t want to feel lonely.

 Women over 50: Celebrate Visibility

Sisters in Widowhood: Life Transition

 Estranged Mothers and Grandmothers: Millions Strong

Discussions of deep issues within groups work. I think deep conversations between very close friends can also work. It helps to play the 20 Questions game to explore anything you’re experiencing. I think before long, you will be knee deep in contemplative conversation, feeling closer than ever and building even stronger relationships.

In All Seriousness, Let’s Play 20 Questions

1. What scares you?
2. When you are upset, do you want to talk or do you want your space?
3. What are you most insecure about?
4. Do you think you had a past life?
5. What one thing would you like to change about yourself?
6. Are you trusting?
7. Is there a dream you wished you had fulfilled?
8. Do you think it’s selfish to put yourself first?
9. Do you feel invisible?
10. Do you feel you are a powerful woman? Why or why not?
11. Is there something you do not like about yourself?
12. If you could re-do one day in your life, which would it be and why?
13. Who understands you the best in your family?
14. What pattern in your life bothers you daily?
15. What do you value most in your friendships?
16. What course of action do you take when friends disappoint you and let you down?
17. Do you practice acceptance?
18. Do you think taking the high road and keeping your silence is golden?
19. Who or how many people in your life seriously disappointed you?
20. Do you believe gratitude gives you latitude?

There is my list, darlings. Choose from it as you like. This exercise will open the door to a deeper understanding among all of us women over 50, which is positive psychology at its best.

If any of you are open to sharing, I would appreciate your stories regarding any of the questions that pique your interest. Darlings, how can we better learn from each other so we can all help each other grow?

 

If you are not a member of one of my Facebook groups, I would love for you to join me. Come find your supportive community of like-minded women! Join these private Facebook groups:

 Women over 50: Celebrate Visibility

Sisters in Widowhood: Life Transition

 Estranged Mothers and Grandmothers: Millions Strong