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This is our third week in isolation brought on by COVID-19. For the past two weeks, I have concentrated on the reality of the Pandemic and tabled ASK HONEY. I decided not to do this any longer because your questions are piling up and I don’t want you to feel forgotten and… I know you need your answers. So, without further adieu, here are your ASK HONEY questions and my answers for the week.

Ask Honey – Advice For Women

April 9th, 2020

Randi Asks:

Dear Honey,

I read your article today about Passover and was interested that you did not have a Bat Mitzvah until your 60’s. Were you not raised in a Jewish home? I had no idea this could be done. Please explain.

Thank you,

Randi

Dear Randi,

Yes, I was raised in a Jewish home. As a young girl, I attended Sunday school. In those days it was not customary for young girls to study for their Bat Mitzvah. In the 60s there was a  worldwide cultural change with Women’s Liberation. Opportunities opened that were unacceptable or not considered. As an adult woman, I chose to continue my education. I studied for a year, and upon completion of my studies, I was delighted and grateful to celebrate my Bat Mitzvah with my family and friends.

Thank you for asking.

Warmly,

Honey

 

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Linda Asks:

Hi Honey,

My daughter is getting married this year and I am wondering how to be a good mother-in-law. I tend to be a bit outspoken and don’t want to say or do the wrong things. Any tips you have would be so appreciated.  

Sincerely,

Linda

Dear Linda,

It is probably a given that at this very moment you and your daughter see situations from a different perspective. You are two generations apart in age which automatically creates a difference in attitudes and lifestyle. So, think twice before you talk once.

When you were newly married was your mother an interloper or was she the wise mother and mother-in-law who allowed you and your new husband to make a life of your own?

Think about how you felt. You were either stressed by her comments or delighted with her behavior and attitude.

If your daughter has a question or problem let her come to you.

You will bond with the newlyweds by living your own life and not theirs!

I am smiling.

Warmly,

Honey

 

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Martha Asks:

Dear Honey,

I sent in my retirement letter a few months ago… I have taught school over 50 years. I’m feeling so “off”. I know some is due to this scary time we’re in and $ isn’t an issue… but… I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing…

Thank you very much,

Martha

Dear Martha,

I don’t know the reason(s) you decided to retire. You mention it is not money-related. Your financial security is most important.

Of course, you are confused, like all of us, because of the times.

I note you worked as a teacher for 50 years so I think it is time for you to set your schedule to please yourself. Sleep in if you choose, go for a mani and pedi when it pleases you, take a long bubble bath with a glass of wine before bedtime instead of grading papers and stay in your workouts during the day instead of dressing for a job.

This is your time to enjoy the social pleasures of life. There are plenty of opportunities. Join a group(s) that you know you will enjoy, take a class or two in a subject that interests you, if you are single there are wonderful solo travel groups, if you are married or have a partner there will be great cruises at wonderful prices. Travel will not be on the horizon for a while but it will return.

The more I write the more I feel you made a wonderful choice. Go with it!

I just started a private Facebook Group, GRANDwomen with Moxie – Where loneliness disappears. It is just a little over a week old and women are talking up a storm, sending photos of their walks, sending recipes, asking questions. Take a look. It may not be your calling but it will get you in the swing of searching for what brings you joy.

Warmly,

Honey

 

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Bonnie Asks:

Hi Honey!

My mom can oftentimes be overbearing. I love her to death but I can’t deal with her sometimes.

How do you gently tell your mom that you need your space to figure out your own life?

Warmly, 

Bonnie

Dear Bonnie,

I don’t think your mother wants to let go of the co-dependent relationship she has had with you since you were a child. It seems she is continuing this behavior… wanting you to rely on her for survival. At this point in your life you should be making your own choices and decisions rather than struggling with the how to’s of decision making.

You are going to have to change your reactions because your mother is not going to change. This is very difficult if she has made decisions for you and is critical of you. This creates in everyone low self-esteem and the inability to trust your decisions.

I would advise you to do your homework, without your mother and find a professional person to talk with, someone you can trust and is neutral. I suggest, but again this is your decision, you choose a phycologist who has a degree in the field of Positive Psychology. If you want to interview them before you make your choice (that is your decision), and if it were me, I would definitely read up on the field of Positive Psychology. But again, that is your decision. Actually, the idea of choosing a phycologist in this field or anyone for that matter is your decision.

I will tell you this: This field takes your negative situations and circumstances and through positivity input teaches you tools you will need to lead a healthy, happy and rewarding life.

This is a very important decision for you and a first step in becoming the ‘mistress of your own fate.’

The mother/daughter relationship is not the easiest. You are not alone. Take a deep breath and carry on. You can reach out to me again and again. I am here.

Warmly,

Honey

 

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Ginny Asks:

Hi Beautiful Honey Good,

I love reading your blog and you inspire me to enjoy life, be beautiful and keep learning. I would like to start a blog and need some advice. How do I get started? I so appreciate any advice and information that you can provide. I am 65 and I am hoping to work until I am 66. Also, I have always worked in the hospitality service industry and my dream is to start a blog… I have lots of great ideas… I look forward to hearing from you.

Respectfully,

Ginny Baker

Dear Ginny,

I have actually received this question numerous times over the years so I actually sat down and wrote a detailed blog post that is on my site: How To Start a Blog After 50… or any age really!

I think this guide will help you create your own blog.

After you read it and digest it please feel free to reach out to me.

Warmly,

Honey

We are all GRANDWOMEN with moxie, and we need to stick together. If you have a question for next week, please ask it in the form below.