The ground is shifting beneath my feet. I no longer recognize my Country, my City, or my once flourishing neighborhood. I used to walk out of my building in the early morning and with a smile on my face and my pooch, America in tow saying out loud, “Good morning world, here we are!”
Now, the expression on my face is in a frown as I look here, there, and everywhere, wondering if we are safe. Now I am afraid to call my pooch by his name for fear someone might harm him! I have never lived in a time like this. The virus is not worrying me. The violence in my neighborhood is.
I am living in ‘Elsewhere’, where masks are part of my wardrobe, self-isolation is part of my life, storefront windows are boarded up, sirens are screaming all day and night as police cars, ambulances, and fire trucks race down our streets. My neighborhood is no longer thriving, it is dying.
No More Silent Voices
As I sit looking out the windows of my apartment high in the sky, I see a stunning cityscape of high rises as far as the eye can see; while knowing down below my city is in ruin. It is very disheartening and very scary.
My building as well as all the others in my neighborhood are on lockdown and boarded up in preparation for today’s three planned protests. It is day number 183 since I was told I must self-isolate. I confess that living through COVID-19 and watching American cities, American lives, and American history destroyed is beyond my comprehension. I am now more committed than ever to come to voice my conclusions and state them. No more pretense. No more pretending. And, no more silence.
A Story From Zoom
Every Wednesday afternoon I sponsor a Zoom friendship meet-up with women who belong to my private Facebook Group, GRANDwomen with Moxie: Where loneliness disappears. We are a 1,000+ group of women from cities across America and Countries across different ponds. Everyone is welcome.
One of the European women mentioned last Wednesday the biggest positive change in her life since the invasion of COVID was how much she was enjoying friendships with other women.
Another woman from the USA mentioned she loved talking every morning to one of her friends who always had some form of drama going on in her life. Her friend’s latest upset was with her daughter…
Her daughter had arrived home from an exciting business event. The mom drove to the airport to pick her up and was naturally excited to learn about her trip. After her daughter settled into the car she excitedly inquired how her flight was. The daughter told her, “I don’t feel like talking now.” What did the mom say? She said nothing. Instead, she spilled out her hurt and disappointment to her Zoom friend. Why did she sit silent? Why didn’t she use her voice?
Emotions Run High
This conversation hit home. I thought about emotions. And I thought about my relationship with my daughter, my daughter-in-law, son-in-law, and all my grands. Then I asked myself why at times I cannot or don’t want to be more deliberate with my thoughts. I thought about the political phrases that come out of the mouths of some of my cousins on our Zoom meet-ups and my silence when I want to roar. And I thought about my relationships with my close friends and acquaintances. I asked myself if I take the ‘flight option’ or if the phrase ‘every action has a reaction’ leads me down my chosen path. I have concluded… it is a draw. Why? Because dealing with a person is far harder than dealing with a cause.
Thoughts on Principals
I thought about my principles. I thought about cities burning and socialism versus Democracy. And, I thought of the often violent protesting by people across America and beyond. As well, I thought about antisemitism rearing its ugly head in cities across America and on most college campuses. Then I wondered why the leaders of our biggest organizations are silent and not shouting out across America, “Never Again.”
Emotion vs. Principals
It is easier to take a stand on a cause(s). Causes are not human. They don’t have feelings.
I agree it is hard to take a stand when you are dealing with your adult children, your grands, and others because it is emotional and there is a natural tendency to capitulate rather than be deliberate like the mom who picked up her daughter. Fear of reproach stops many from taking a stand. Darling, you can overcome fear when you understand fear will always stop you from starting.
Standing up for yourself shows your family, friends, business partners, and co-workers you have high self-worth. Trust me, after you take the first step you will feel more confident.
Let Your Voice Be Heard
Be an authentic and fearless woman. That means… Let go of who you think you are ‘supposed to be’ and be brave enough to be true to who you are. And, let your voice be heard.
Last week I received an email from the National Holocaust Museum inviting me to an event. I wrote the person back asking her how the Museum was confronting antisemitism across America. She responded with three links. Each link talked about separate incidents in a community. So, I wrote her back. “I think you must have misunderstood my question. I am wondering what the Museum is doing on a national level to confront antisemitism.” The next email from her was to set up a telephone call with me. And, I accepted.
Darling, be unapologetically honest. People may not agree with you but trust me, they will respect you.
Listen to your intuition. It knows.
Don’t be afraid to roar and roar loudly. And, don’t be afraid to voice your opinions to those that do not agree with you. Who knows, you may change their way of thinking.
Are you letting your voice be heard? Tell me in the comments at the bottom of this page.
Sadness prevails. Stay safe.
Very timely and thought provoking article. I, too, find it hard to voice my very strong feelings on important issues when I know some of my family and friends do not agree with my stand. However,I am reaching.the point of sharing some of my concerns with dear ones. I try to do it in a simple and kind way. I pray for wisdom in presenting my very conservative ways to much more liberal family and friends. One of my deepest fears is losing the America we grew up in and love for it’s freedoms.
Honey,
Yes, anti semitism is horrible and should not be tolerated.
White supremacy is horrible and should not be tolerated.
Police killing of unarmed people is horrible and should not be tolerated.
The president should not be dividing people, Inflaming his supporters….
These are indeed frightening times and all violence should be condemned.
I needed so badly to see this, Honey. I, like you, have remained silent while roaring inside. We HAVE to speak up for our values. We have to become brave. We have to stop hiding. I am so, so tired of being afraid to offend friends and family while they roar loudly and I sit silent. So many prayers for our nation; I am terrified we are heading toward ruin and I am heartbroken for you and your city. Thank you for your brave voice today and I pray I can become brave like you.
Thank you for those encouraging words. We do need to stand up for our great country and our beliefs.
Hi Honey! I always enjoy reading your thoughts. I’m 64 and have never been through something quite like this. And you’re right…it’s not just the virus. It’s the overall attitude of people today! I was hoping this virus would teach all of us to be kinder. To take more time to spend with families. Just to slow down and smell the roses as they say. But…as this virus continues with no end in sight, I’m seeing behavior that is even worse. We are all aggravated and just want out lives to go back to some kind of normal.
What is normal? Just to enjoy the simple things in life! To feel safe, respected, and loved. We are lost right now. The media and our government doesn’t help matters either. They have their own agenda that has nothing to do with us as Americans. We do not have a government for the people any more. Sadly.
Of course, there have always been problems in our world. But, I pray for a day we can be at peace with each other.
When you mentioned the lady with the daughter, I had a recent experience with mine as well. This time, I spoke up! And we came to a better understanding. Maybe it’s time we as Americans should speak up. Not be afraid if we do. Will that ever happen? Who knows at this point?
I’m so happy to have found you and enjoy reading all your posts! Pray your dear Chicago will heal and return to the city you love. God Bless us all!
Mary Jane
Yes I am, finally you understand what I am trying to say much much longer than this epidemic, so when the epidemic started I was not surprised it just confirm my feelings so my life didn’t change much because I was living it for a long time, My story is long and sad, I was very scared for a long time, but not any longer, I will do anything, Every one said i should be quiet, I can’t, I was mad at God that I took the Mezuzah out of my door. I felt this is impossible to be happening, happily i can say I put one of them back in my wall. I will not be quiet, I live in a Jewish Aerea also in an apartment in the sky and my pain is multiply over many times, where even many stores are reluctant to serve me, and many won’t even ship me when I am on line. Somehow I feel things are getting better, thank you so much to hear this morning your decision not to stay quiet, I must stay quiet I know, but I can’t, God knew I have this defect, you see since childhood, I talk too much which is cost me a lot of losses, thats why, I may loose again for even writing this, I am not polish enough to make my voice heard, but I keep trying. Thank you, maybe now you understand my writings to you but I was afraid, not anymore, love you, my head is telling me not write this, so this is is from my heart, and believe we must all stay together and stop the hate. The hate is there, I am also Cuban so they forget I am Jewish, they can’t even understand that my religion has nothing to do that I am cuban. With gratitude, regina
Interesting post Honey. Thank you for speaking out. I agree these are crazy times. As the cities burn people know to make a plan B. Look at what happened in Detroit about 40 years ago. The city is just starting to come back. The same will happen to other cities now possibly Chicago, San Francisco, Los Angeles, New York, Portland. It is very sad.
Let your voice be heard with your family but moderate it with love. There is a tendency to think that as seniors our opinions don’t matter to our families. This is not true. What we think, our values, how we live our lives is strong. Our adult children and grands may disagree on the surface but they know our moral values and principals.
I believe Democracy will prevail. The radical left think, erroneously, that somehow they are superior and will win out. This will not happen. Stay strong everyone.
Honey, I totally and absolutely agree that we need to speak up. The world we are living in at this moment is utterly depressing with its violence. Only one individual is speaking out against it – our President. He is met with resistance from political foes who seem to want this violent behavior to continue. Instead of condemning the rioting and looting, we have Democrats like Pelosi who said with a shrug of her shoulders, “People do what people do”. Can you believe that! Why aren’t all politicians speaking out against this violence? Where are the so called celebrities who many people look up to speaking out against this violence? How does burning down businesses help the black movement.?? The answer is that it doesn’t. This behavior doesn’t further the cause – it stunts the cause. We need strong leadership like President Trump. We need state governors who will stand up to violent protesters. We need to take back our nation from these protesting terrorists who are taking over our cities.
We all want to feel safe walking out our front doors & not fear for our lives. The only way that will happen is if we make it known to our elected officials that we have had enough.
LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD. Vote in person at the polls.Yes, it is time to take a stand. I am certain most Americans of all creeds and colors are against violence. Americans voted in a Black President twice. These are planned attacks and very dangerous. Republicans are for law and order and Democracy. Democrats are for defunding the police and Socialism. This can be read in their manifestos. Be positive. Warmly, Honey
Thank you for this article. Many are at crossroads of what they know to be wrong and their place in the bigger picture. The quiet voices must find the strength to be heard for the good of our country and the people that have sacrificed so much.
I agree with you. Let your voice be heard! Warmly, Honey
It would be interesting to read the popular but sometimes controversial book “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle. The author is all about “To thine own self be true”
Let your voice be heard and be true to yourself as long as you are truly schooled on the facts. Warmly, Honey
I feel lost and confused. My best outlet is getting together with my girlfriend’s. We drink wine and unwind. During that time we open up and express ourselves. It’s so hard to know what is fact and what is not. I make it an effort to get us together to pray and encourage one another. I often wonder will it ever end and then WHAT? DO WE LEAVE OUR CITIES AND HEAD FOR THE HILLS? FEAR NOT FOR HE IS WITH US.
These are the fact. You have two choices. The Republican Party is for law and order and Democracy. The Democratic Party is for defunding the police and Socialism. That is the truth. It is in the parties Manifestos. Think positive. Let your voice be heard. Warmly, Honey
I have always been a strong believer in speaking out since I was in high school. My husband, however, is just the opposite. He is a “go along, get along” person. People know that I will not say one thing and do another. My motto has always been that you might not like what I have to say, but I will never lie to you or say one thing to your face and really feel just the opposite. It has not been easy to be this way. There were times in my career where I experienced the wrath of those around me because I refused to be the proverbial yes man.
I feel very strongly about a lot of what’s going on. I don’t consider myself privileged in any way, I’ve worked for everything I have and saved so that my husband and I could enjoy retirement. I can’t help but speak out on Facebook when I see some of the things people post. This has caused a lot of disagreements between me and my husband. Even my son told me to stop with the comments. The appalling thing is the attitude of younger people, their outright hostile treatment to my generation of baby boomers. I’ve come to realize that they are really very jealous of us and would rather we would just die off so that they could redistribute the wealth. They are devoid of common sense and support the current movement that amounts to people just taking what they want. They are arrogant beyond belief and I fear that the more they speak this way and do these things they will slowly inflict this new mentality on the vast majority of people.
The result for me personally is an overwhelming anxiety. Even though I live in a peaceful small town I wake up in fear each day. Sadly, I think our way of life is coming to an end and if Trump does not win this election, we are doomed.
Let your voice be heard! Write wisely. Write facts. Think positive. VOTE at the polls. Warmly, Honey
Dear Honey! As a senior I do feel we should use our voices and be heard and oftentimes I shy away from it because I have been conditioned to believe that even when I do chose to speak I cannot and will not be heard. I read many if not all of the responses to this blog and I felt a tightening in my chest because I know that my particular view may not be valued because I come from an entirely different perspective. I wish that I had the grit and courage it takes to go out into this mean cruel world and express my pain ,sorrow and disbelief at the inequality that is prevalent in the world we live in. To fight not only for my rights but the rights of others. I think that COVID-19 has slowed things down just enough that we can now see the unrest that has permeated our country and even maybe the world itself. My eyes have been opened to the fact that once again I am not safe in a world that is full of people that behave as if they have more right and privilege than their neighbors, coworkers, friends and even family members. I love this country and I have every right to be an inclusive participant in it because my ancestors helped to make it the largest and richest of all. Imagine that as a senior I am experiencing the same anxieties and bias that I experienced as a young girl living in America . This is all I know a world where my worth is limited to the color of my skin.
I do not believe the women replying to my article are against any race. They are against violence.Americans elected a black President for two terms. That is not racism. I don’t believe most people are racist. There are a group of thugs and anarchists who are being paid to incite violence. In Kenosha,Wisconsin 102 of the thugs were from out of town. There were a total of 175 protestors. These bad people are not all Black. There are just as many Caucasians. They are bad young people under the guise of Black Lives Matter. They want to destroy our cities and our democratic way of life. Of course Black Lives Matter and all lives matter…all good American lives matter. Listen to both sides and vote your heart. Take pride in being Black.Your views are valued. I am Jewish. It is not always easy for me, either. I take pride in who I am and speak out when necessary. Speak out as the lady you are. You will be respected. Warmly, Honey
Honey, thank you for this post.We have lived in a small town of 35 thousand people in Texas just south of Fort Worth and Dallas for 46 years. My husband is a retired attorney. Obviously his firm had a policy of no signs in our yard for local elections as it could affect our clients unfairly. As of yesterday we have a Trump sign in our yard. My first thought was I hope our house is not vandalized. That is the world we are living in today. I am so sorry for people like you living in big cities that I love seeing your cities endure the violence and fearing for your own a safety. We have never had big political discussions with our children that are in their 40’s until now. For the first time they are truly invested in this election, staying in tune with the news daily and making sure our college kids are registered voters. For the first time I have been vocal, tactfully I hope in having conversations about this election. I hate the feelings how this current crisis has evoked negative feelings in my heart for the first time in my 75 years on earth. Prayers that his craziness will end and our great country can move forward in peace and harmony.
I speak to my children and grandchildren and I send them u-tube videos that I screen thoroughly. The last u-tube was the story of slavery moderated by a brilliant older black woman, raised in the ruralSouth in a family of 11. She was married at 17, had 3 children by 20 and divorced her husband. She went back to school, has 5 degrees, is a highly respected Professor and attorney and has appeared before the Supreme Court. She is in her 60’s and a woman of to be admired.People will respect you for standing up for non violence and democracy. Warmly, Honey
I think someone is missing the point here.
In God’s eyes all lives matter, but what do we see in this world since the beginning….
I already know that all lives matter, but do everybody know that? Do everybody respect that?
We see that…….
If you are a black person, we can do anything to you, it doesn’t matter! ……
No, everyone don’t feel this way, but just look around,
think back to years gone by…..
Do I have to recall events for you to get the point, as to why we say black lives matter?
It saddens my heart every time I read those comments that say, All lives matter
Oh, please tell me that you all understand.
“BLACK LIVES MATTER”
Of course Black Lives matter. I am somewhat of a history buff and it pains me how Black Lives did not matter on the plantations.”What was wrong with those people,” I ask myself? Four hundred years later Americans elected a Black President, twice.I believe America has come a long way with still much to do. There will always be prejudiced and mean spirited people and there will be good and upstanding people. It always makes me wonder how a few bad apples can ruin the bushel. There are far more good people than bad.I think young Black children need Black leaders as role models so they can aspire to ‘be just like them.’ Oprah and the athletes and the musicians and professors and the teachers and black social workers and they should go to Washington and seek a well thought out plan with volunteers in these communities and become the leaders of a positive movement. I observe. I read. I listen. These people talk the talk but don’t walk the walk. Sending checks is not the answer.Giving time is. Instead of proclaiming Black Life Matters they have the power and resources to make Black Lives Matter.I understand how you are feeling. BLACK LIVES MATTER. Warmly, Honey
I too have been quiet and silent…but no more. At first I tried to conform….acknowledging we needed to do what we could to prevent a spread of a deadly disease…only to see that the ones who were directing me had no logical plan other than to make Americans fear and submit. I no longer fear this CoVID19….it doesn’t hit anymore people than any other deadly disease. The coronavirus on the other hand is a type of flu….and we get it yearly….and the test? well you can be positive and have only a coronavirus (flu type virus) OR in fact have CoVID19…which is more serious…..but for me the more serious situation is the lack of lawful behavior and response to what is going on in our country. Anti-semitism is on the rise…and I don’t hear a unified cry from my Jewish community of NEVER AGAIN….instead they support the anarchy that is prevalent and spreading. Racial unrest is becoming more and more an issue….because of this violent outbreak…setting us back before 1964! And still all we hear is stay in…fear….distance ourselves. This is a coup on America…nothing more nothing less. These youth who have joined with the radical implants in our Nation…have no understanding of our true history…of our Constitution….of our Freedoms…nor do they know the real face of facism. My own grandchildren have told me I am uninformed. No my dears…it is YOU who are uninformed, misinformed. I may loose friends…and even family. But NO MORE….if we don’t STAND UP now…we are headed into a world that will resemble the 1930-40s….and this time it will be in OUR backyard. I’m not sure I can change anything…but I certainly cannot be silent anymore. Your article was a breathe of fresh air.