September is National Suicide Prevention Month, and I feel called to share a deeply personal story. Life has a way of presenting us with moments that shatter us to the core. Many years ago, my husband and I faced such a moment: the loss of his beloved son to suicide. Even now, though time has softened the edges, the scar remains.

I share this with you not because I want to dwell on pain, but because survival after such a tragedy is possible. My story may offer comfort and a reminder that while life changes forever after suicide touches a family, it can also continue with purpose, love, and self care.

The Day That Changed Everything

Sixteen years ago, I received a phone call that no mother or stepmother should ever hear. One of my daughters was on the other end, frantic and heartbroken: “Mom, Steven committed suicide. The story is on every news channel.”

In that instant, the ground beneath me gave way. I was left with the unbearable task of telling my husband, my ultimate concierge, that his son was gone. I can still see the look on his face, still hear the sound of his hand hitting his chest as he cried out, “I’m not having a heart attack. My heart is breaking.”

That was the beginning of our survival journey.

How We Survived

There is no manual for surviving suicide in your family. There is no right way, no perfect script, no quick recovery. But what I do know is this:

We survived because we chose to keep living.

For my husband, that meant stepping fully into the lives of his three grandsons and their mother. I encouraged him (sometimes gently and sometimes with persistence) to call them, visit them, write to them, and be present.

“Did you call the boys today?” I would ask.
“I did, but they did not return my call,” he would answer.
“Call the boys again! Call them five times if necessary. You are their grandfather. They need you!”

This became our rhythm. Slowly, my husband filled some of the void his son left behind by being the role model and steady presence his grandsons needed. And in turn, they gave him their love, their respect, and their laughter. I, too, found my role. I became their secret-keeper, their cheerleader, their Honey. Together, we wove a new kind of family fabric.

This, darling, is self care at its deepest level: showing up, staying engaged, and refusing to retreat from life.

The Scar That Remains

Will life ever return to what it was before suicide entered our family? No. That loss carved an emotional scar that will never fully fade. A son is gone, a father can no longer embrace his child, and three boys grew up without their dad.

But survival is about continuing to live with meaning despite devastating life storms. Suicide is the choice to end life; survival is the choice to keep living. And while I will always be sorrowful for Steven’s choice, I am profoundly grateful that his family, my family, chose to survive.

Today, those boys are grown men. One is married with children of his own in Texas, another builds his career in San Francisco, and the youngest thrives in New York City as an Adjunct Professor. Their mother, Jami, has become like a daughter to me. Our lives have been forever altered, but we continue forward with strength and hope.

Survival as a Form of Self Care

Why do I often write about survival? Because it is the thread that has carried me through not only suicide but also widowhood, family estrangement, and now the daily challenge of caregiving for my ultimate concierge, who lives with dementia.

To survive, darling, is to practice the truest form of self care.

Over the years, I have experienced chronic grief: the kind that steals your breath and makes you wonder if you can face another sunrise. I have felt loneliness so sharp it bordered on despair. And yet, through all of this, I have survived because I never stopped desiring. I desire…

• Family.
• Friendships.
• Creativity, travel, and the thrill of new experiences.
• Small joys like a wagging tail from my pooch America.

Desire keeps me alive and desire is self care. And self care is the bridge from grief to survival.

Self Care is Survival

So how do we practice survival through self-care? Let me share the pillars that guide me:

• Sleep: Rest is healing. Without it, we cannot endure.
  
• Exercise: Movement keeps body, mind, and spirit sharp.
  
• Nourish: Feed yourself well, both food and soul.
  
• Listen: To your inner voice and to others.
  
• Forgive: Yourself and others.
  
• Accept: What you cannot change. Resistance only deepens pain.
  
• Appreciate: Every single blessing, big or small.
  

These practices are acts of self care. They are how we declare, “I am still here, and I will live.”

The Choice to Survive

Survival is not passive. It is an active choice, a daily decision to move through life’s storms with dignity and courage. The saying is true: the only way out is through.

When suicide, estrangement, illness, or loss threatens to undo you, hold on to this truth: you are a woman with wisdom, strength, and stories to tell. You owe it to yourself to keep living, to keep desiring, to keep roaring.

As Oscar Wilde said, “To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” So love yourself enough to survive. Love yourself enough to thrive. And love yourself enough to remember that even in grief, there is always hope.

Resources for Support

If you or someone you love is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please seek help immediately. In the U.S., you can dial 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. For international readers, please find local hotlines and resources available in your country.