I received several responses from you, sweet readers, on my Sunday Story on July 1, 2024, titled “The Passionate Pursuit of Solitary Pleasure.” One reader wrote:

“This was a beautiful peace, Honey. It felt, though, like a prologue. What ARE your inner pursuits and solitary pleasures? Keep yourself together and fulfill day-to-day obligations, but HOW do you keep yourself engaged and optimistic? I hope you continue to write about this journey, a part of life for many of us that has not been tackled enough.”

I went back and reread my story to determine whether it read like a prologue.

While sharing my inner feelings as authentically as possible, I did not expound on how my days are spent, what drives me, how I handle the grief and despair concerning my ultimate concierge. Or the pent-up tears that suddenly pour down my cheeks like water running out of my oversized shower head when I think of what is.

Truthfully, I very seldom allow myself to dwell on sad thoughts because sadness has never been a persistent part of my life—ever. I could enable unpleasant thoughts to take over my life, but I don’t.

From Chivas Regal to Ensure: The Transitions of a Charmed Life

Forced Change and a Commitment to Hope

During the past months, I have come to terms with the fact that changes in one’s life, especially when illness strikes, are a messy business.

Therefore, I have committed myself to living each day with hope, determination, and change. How do I accomplish this?

I think a lot.

I ask myself what resonates with me during the day and what I want to change about my situation and my actions. When I tie my thoughts up in a big bow, it comes down to this: I am overly grateful to have my ultimate concierge at my side, solitary pleasures in my head, and the wherewithal to look forward to positive self-growth.

During my hours of solitary thinking over the past ten months, what has been my most significant mental accomplishment?

Self-Growth and How I Spend My Time

Recently, while in my shower, I had a marvelous revelation, dear reader—self-growth.

Self-growth is messy and involves a lot of trial and error. I have had to ask myself hard questions. I begin by coming to terms with the change in my lifestyle. It takes time to live into the answers.

But the time I spend digesting new thoughts is worthwhile because once I live into my answer, I have accomplished what I set out to do. I call this self-growth.

Let’s face it, sweet reader, my life changed on a dime. I went from living with a healthy husband and a marvelous life to an ill husband. Therefore, over the past several months, I have repeatedly questioned myself.

I have spent hours asking myself what my new responsibilities consist of and how I wish to handle them, as well as questioning my relationships: with the people who work for me, my family, my female friends, and most importantly, what I need to grow.

How I Fill My Solitary Moments — My Morning Routine

Solitary time to think about my situation has been a great teacher and healer because it has brought me face-to-face with my reality.

I will admit I wake up early each morning with a nagging pain in my heart. I quickly switch my thoughts to the two most influential men in my life: my ultimate concierge and my pooch, America. Then I glance out the window of my condo-in-the-sky, and I see the panoramic view of Lake Michigan and my once-upon-a-time beautiful Chicago. Yes, Elsewhere continues to exist in Chicago. I then climb out of bed to start my day.

Pleasant thoughts allow me to toss unpleasant thoughts aside as I walk into my kitchen, turn on the music, brew a fresh pot of coffee, and make my husband his daily smoothie.

I weigh myself, sit down at my computer, review my inbox and text messages, and answer them. Then, I pull up a blank document to begin writing a story.

Pilates, Perseverance, and Positive Thoughts: How I’m Embracing Change

How Journaling Became My Lifeline

Everyone’s writing routine is different. For me, I first spend time daydreaming over my computer—I answer my own questions, think about the day before, ask myself why I allowed this or that to happen, and feel the pain and joy of my actions. Then I decide on my topic, even though I have a content calendar. I am a maverick of sorts, so I stray off into my own world and write what is on my mind, like today’s story.

“I am an eternally optimistic woman even though I have sad bumps in the road. I try my best to confront my bumps.” — Honey Good

I suggest to you that you consider keeping a journal because, after a period of time, you will find your voice. And, that, dear reader, is the most amazing feeling—to know the real you. When you write authentically, you will eventually understand what really makes you tick. Who helped you along the way? What experiences changed your opinions and what you want to work on?

Journaling is just the beginning. It’s one of the top ten most rewarding discoveries of my life. Through journaling, you will ultimately become your own problem solver and discover the real you. It is a delicious feeling and accomplishment.

From Blank Page to Blossoming: Consider Journaling for Growth and Self-Discovery

On With My Day

After I finish writing, it’s around 6:30 AM. I throw on my workout clothes, put on my Apple Watch and red lipstick, and head to the park a block from home with the soft track. I walk around the track eight times, two miles in total, then stretch on the exercise bars and head home. I aim to do this five days a week, with Pilates classes filling the other two. I feel proud of myself for my efforts. This is my way I keep my calm and carry on.

Upon arriving home, I jump into the shower then dress (never without my red lipstick!), and by 9:00 AM I’m ready to continue my day.

Finding Joy in a New Reality

Even though my social life has become quieter, especially as a couple, every day is filled with positive experiences. It’s a big change from a life where I was always pursued, not the pursuer—not to be braggadocious.

But to be honest, I’m mostly content, except when I think about my ultimate concierge’s condition. Sometimes I fall apart, privately. Other times I use busyness as a coping mechanism.

My day is spent with my hubby, my work, and redoing two rooms (that were started before my ultimate concierge became ill) in our condo-in-the-sky. In all honesty, I keep myself busy to the point of being dizzy. I am productive, though, and I have experienced more self-growth in my life than ever before.

A Call to Action for Women

For any woman suffering from any type of serious problem, look for at least one avenue that feeds your soul. Embrace your problem-solving skills. Life changes can be a powerful learning experience.

My husband’s illness forced me to make necessary life changes. The biggest change? Letting go of my “people-pleasing” tendencies. It wasn’t always easy, but prioritizing my own needs alongside those of others has brought a newfound sense of balance.

Before my ultimate concierge fell ill, he guarded and protected me 100 percent of the time. Now, I have to guard us, meaning I have to decide when I want people to please me and when I want to please them.

Learning to say no, and the art of negotiation is a challenging task for most women.

Friday was a blessing in disguise—it was a turning point and hopefully it was my final act of people-pleasing.

Thank you general contractor, for being the catalyst that finally opened my eyes.

I was sitting at my kitchen table with a woman. The contractor who is in charge of construction in our apartment in the sky walked in, opened my fridge, took out two bottles of water, did not ask me or thank me, and left the room!

I sat there silently. That was my moment of transition. My inner people-pleaser syndrome vanished.

I had no warning this would happen, but months of daydreaming about this problem led me to my final action.

I bought a cold water filter for my sink and informed all those who do not live under my roof to please quench their thirst at my sink and not in my refrigerator.

Taking Action is Key

I don’t wallow. I don’t moan too often. I am a woman of action.

As I’ve said before, self-growth is not easy. It’s very important for every woman to reach her heights, or she ultimately will die on the vine. I don’t talk the talk—I try very hard to walk the walk, even under dire circumstances. I would like you to try and do the same. This is how I keep myself engaged and optimistic.

During times of trouble and insurmountable challenges, the most crucial check-off on our list of changes is acknowledging that our regular life routine must undergo significant adjustments and that we have choices—we can sink or swim.

Finding New Purpose

Use your own resourcefulness. Daydream through solitary pleasure into a new and exciting action! I did and it works.

Finding a new opportunity to pique my interest has become a saving grace. I intentionally looked for an outside, satisfying, and rewarding endeavor. I am going to give back to a charity that I hold dear.

Dear reader, add a new interest that will reward you. It can be a hobby, volunteering, returning to college, a solo travel experience, needlepoint, a cooking class, traveling with grands. Don’t think about it! Just do it!!!

Optimism Is My Loyal Friend

I am an eternally optimistic woman even though I have sad bumps in the road. I try my best to confront my bumps. My favorite time of the day for the past 34 years has been bedtime because I am in the arms of the love of my life, my ultimate concierge. I still have that, and for that alone, I am ever so grateful. Amen. Amen.

Does your daily routine reflect the life you want to have? Please share why it does or doesn’t with me in the comments below.

Honey Good is a mentor for women, showing them how to live vibrant and visible lives after 50. If you have a friend who would enjoy this story, please forward this story to her! To inquire about working with Honey, please email her at collabs@honeygood.com.