I have been thinking…

Like most women, I do a lot of that. Sometimes, I am so busy thinking that I get dizzy from overthinking! What do I think about? Everything! I am a ponderer. I listen, question, and observe before concluding.

Over the past week, after watching a few movies, I decided to write my Sunday Story on gaslighting and complete my E-Book.

Understanding Gaslighting: A Hidden Form of Manipulation

In one of the movies, the main character takes a medication that my ultimate concierge takes. The conversation between the actors mentions that the drug has a harmful ingredient if you have my hubby’s condition. My ears perked up because I listened. The next day, I phoned his doctor and found out the ingredient had been removed from the drug.

As I thought about the positive qualities of listening and pondering, I thought about people who gaslight others. I wanted to scream at the rooftops to those who gaslight their friends, siblings, marriage partners, in-laws, stepchildren, and people in the workplace. I wanted to tell them to sit down, converse, have a heart-to-heart, and resolve their differences.

The other movie was part documentary and part movie. It was the story of Moses. As I listened to the meaning behind the Ten Commandments, I once again thought about man’s inhumanity to his fellow man. And the topic of gaslighting.

The first four Commandments concern our relationship with God, and the last six concern our relationship with one another. The Commandments are meant to show mankind how to live a kindly and honorable life to the fullest. That means no gaslighting!

Overcoming Gaslighting and Finding My Voice

Since the COVID-19 virus, I have noticed that many people gaslight others and are hurtful and vulgar to family members and people in general. So much so that Miriam Webster chose gaslighting as the word of the year in 2022. Gaslighting today is commonplace and on the rise, so much so that I have become leery and stepped back from anyone who makes me uncomfortable because I was a victim of gaslighting.

I say I was gaslighted. I will never be gaslighted again.

Sweet reader, I am no longer a victim of a gaslighter because, over time, two women helped open my eyes with two words—surrender and gaslighting. I hope these words will help you.

My hubby’s attendant, Bevy, explained that surrendering, dropping a toxic rope, and turning your head was true empowerment. Like many of you, I thought the word surrender was a form of weakness. It is anything but that. It is strength at its best. It is decisive. You drop the rope and walk away to green pastures.

My hairdresser, wise friend, and inexpensive shrink, Colette, explained to me after I told her a personal story,  “You have been gaslighted.” I had no idea what gaslighting meant, but I quickly learned.

The Passionate Pursuit of Solitary Pleasure

 

WHAT IS GASLIGHTING?

Gaslighting is a form of vicious manipulation. It is very unpleasant to be the victim. The gaslighter wants you to believe something or many things about yourself that are not true. They want to make you feel you have done something wrong. They victimize you. They do this by lying and wearing you down until you question yourself. A person gaslighted is a victim of the gaslighter. She cannot recognize how to take a stand or regain her empowerment, until she understands what is taking place.

WHO IS AFFECTED BY GASLIGHTING?

Gaslighting happens in marriage, between women, in the workplace, in politics, among business partners, adult children gaslight their mothers, second wife syndrome against the children of a spouse, siblings, in sports, and the list goes on.

GASLIGHTING IS ON THE RISE

Gaslighting is on the rise in our Society. Man’s inhumanity to his fellow man is out in the open, now more than ever, with no consequences for the perpetrator(s). In today’s unhealthy society, there are less positive interactions and gaslighting seems to be acceptable. The victim, gaslighted by a person or a group, finds herself in a very uncomfortable and unfortunate situation.

I have written an E-book on gaslighting because I finally understand how to protect myself from gaslighters. Stopping the gaslighter(s), sweet reader, rests in your hands.

My Daily Rituals for Staying Positive and Growing: Pursuit of Solitary Pleasures Part 2

HOW TO STOP BEING A VICTIM

During my long life, I can’t recall being victimized. My resilience, positive attitude, and peaceful lifestyle with my family and friends in Honolulu was a gift. I was fortunate.

I moved to Chicago a year after I was suddenly widowed in my forties to be with my family. Fortunately, I remarried and have lived happily with my ultimate concierge.

But as they say, with all joy comes some sorrow, and I was not immune because, unfortunately, trouble began with my side of the family soon after.

I am a mother and grandmother who is estranged from my family. Unfortunately, my adult daughters do not understand the harm they are doing to their mother, their children, and themselves. For almost eight years, I have grieved every day. Whether traveling the world with my ultimate concierge, having dinner with friends, taking a shower, preparing a meal, or shopping at the market or for personal goodies, the grief of estrangement takes hold of my life.

In other words, I have not had a full day’s happiness in eight years.

That is, sweet reader, ‘until recently when I woke up and smelled the coffee!’ I realized I had to stop letting the gaslighters make me feel I was a helpless victim. But how?

With the help of Bevi, Colette, and the 16,000 women writing comments (which I always read) on my private Facebook group, Estranged Mothers and Grandmothers: Millions Strong, I have gained knowledge, and I can honestly tell you—I will never feel like the victim again.

How to Bloom Through Adversity After 50

Finding Closure: Healing from the Wounds of Gaslighting

Knowledge is the key to living one’s best life. I now understand the meaning of surrender, gaslighting, and victimization.

I am working on how to best find closure. I understand that closure will finally bring me peace. I am still processing the correct path.

Living in Elsewhere (the new name I gave the world during COVID-19) has taken its toll on the world’s population. People’s personalities, love of life, and the American way have disappeared. Fear, anger, and gaslighting are the norm.

Like all of you, I have changed the way I live each day. I now prefer to spend the quiet of the day in peace in our condo in the sky as I begin my work as a national board member of ZOA, whose mission statement is my mission statement – to fight antisemitism and the  right of Israel to exist, continue to wrap my arms around Honey Good and my private Facebook groups  and last but not least wrap my arms and heart around family members who I love and love me. I am empowering myself with action.

I will speak out against gaslighting while continuing to work on my pledge to never again allow myself to be a gaslight victim. I will wake up one day after I ponder and ponder and find my means of closure. And, when I have my answer, I will share it with you. Because I know that every woman’s power to choose what is best for her is unlimited.

My heart and soul belong to my beloved ultimate concierge, Sheldon F. Good and his family who is my family.

Finally, I wonder why the human race won’t copy the animals on the Serengeti plain and realize that silence, listening, and pondering are marvelous gifts. Amen.

Have you been a victim of gaslighting? Chances are you have. Please share with me in the comments.