Throughout my life, I have deeply loved four men; my father, two husbands, and Ben. Each held a special place in my heart, but Ben’s presence in my life was different. His greatest joys, I believe, were his books, his loyal dog, and, in his own way, me.

When our family moved to Honolulu, we were eager to build new connections. At a large charity event, fate led me to Ben. Looking back, I know with certainty, our meeting was no coincidence.

Ben was tall and lean, his gray beard lending him a distinguished air. His words were always deliberate, his presence commanding. Whenever his name was mentioned, it was often followed by, “Did you hear what Ben had to say lately?” He was a maverick—sharp-minded, purpose-driven, and unapologetically himself. He lived life on his own terms, never bending to societal expectations. That, above all, was one of the greatest lessons he imparted to me.

Before Honolulu, Ben had been a respected labor attorney in Washington. He relocated to the islands for his wife Esther’s health, later becoming a professor at the University of Hawaii before establishing his own labor law practice. A man of intellect, strength, and conviction. Ben was truly a man for all seasons.

The Beginning of a Lasting Friendship

During the cocktail hour at the charity event, we happened to stand next to one another.

“I have not seen you before,” he said.

“My family and I just moved to Honolulu,” I replied.

“Where are you living?”

“On Kahala Ave.”

“I live on Kahala and walk past your home every day on my four-mile walk.”

“Oh, I have just started walking in the last few weeks.”

“Would you like to walk together?” he asked.

“I would.”

“Meet you tomorrow in front of your home at 6:00 a.m.?”

And that was the beginning of a deep love. One built on trust, wisdom, and a lasting friendship. I was in my thirties. Ben was in his sixties.

A Love Without Labels

Ben became my teacher, my confidant, and my dearest friend. He had this incredible way of making me think, laugh, and see the world from new perspectives. Ben wasn’t just a friend, he was an extension of our family. We shared our joys and challenges, and his presence brought comfort in ways words can’t fully express. We loved him deeply, and he, in return, loved us in a way that always felt unconditional, pure, and true.

Then, life shifted. My world changed in an instant when my husband, Michael, passed away suddenly. In the heart of my grief, Ben was there every step of the way. He stepped in as a rock, handling the estate with calm precision, taking care of my daughters, and offering me guidance when I felt lost. In those darkest moments, Ben’s steadfast presence became a beacon of light, and I could not have made it through without him.

But then, one morning during our usual walk, something unexpected happened. Ben, with a seriousness I had never seen before, stopped and turned to face me.

“If Esther passes away, I am going to pursue you! I am in love with you.”

I stood frozen, my heart pounding. The gravity of his words sank in, and after a moment of silence, I looked him directly in the eyes and replied, “I love you too, but in a different way. If I were older or you were younger, I would never let a catch like you slip away. But I’m honored that you feel as you do.”

At the time, I was in my 40s, and Ben was in his late 70s. The difference in our ages made it a complicated love, one with no clear path forward, but the depth of our connection was undeniable. It was a love that didn’t need a label to be real. We had shared something that transcended the usual definitions of love, and it would remain a bond that stayed with me forever.

The Search for Ben’s Perfect Match

When Ben’s wife, Esther, passed away, he was left alone in Honolulu. By then, I had decided to move with my daughters to Chicago to be closer to family. I invited Ben to come with us. We would be his family.

But he refused. “It’s too late in the game. My roots are here.”

I couldn’t bear the thought of him being alone. And so, I made up my mind. I would find Ben a wife.

One afternoon, standing in line at the drugstore, I ran into a woman I knew casually.

“How are you, Frieda?” I asked.

“Not great,” she admitted. “My husband passed away a few months ago.”

A light bulb went off. Frieda was perfect. Her late husband had been a professor at the University of Hawaii, she was intelligent, and most importantly, she would be good for Ben.

“Frieda, I hope this isn’t inappropriate, but would you be interested in meeting Ben?”

Her face lit up. “Oh yes!”

I could hardly contain my excitement. As I walked out of the store, I whispered to myself, “I did it! I did it!”

A Love Story Comes Full Circle

Their first date was anything but smooth. Ben was hesitant, unsure of the idea, but Frieda was a woman with a spirit of determination. I could tell she wasn’t going to take no for an answer, and I knew that Ben, despite his reluctance, didn’t stand a chance– she would win him over with her warmth, charm, and persistence.

And that’s exactly what happened.

A few months later, during one of our morning walks, Ben laughed and said, “Since I can’t marry you, I’ll marry Frieda.”

It was such a sweet, lighthearted moment, and I couldn’t help but feel a sense of happiness for them both. Ben had always been independent, but Frieda was the perfect companion for him, and the joy they found in each other was palpable. They had found something special together, something I could never have imagined.

Their wedding was a celebration of love and full-circle moments. It took place at the Kahala Hilton Hotel, in the very same ballroom where Ben and I had first met all those years ago. As I watched them exchange vows, I thought about how much life had changed, how far we’d all come, and how much love had been shared between us.

A Lasting Friendship Through Time

For the next several years, Ben and I made it a point to see each other annually. He and Frieda would come to the mainland, and Shelly and I would fly to Hawaii. No matter where we were, our bond remained strong. We continued our walks and our deep conversations. As the years passed, Ben’s pace slowed, and his balance began to decline, so we started walking arm in arm. It was a simple adjustment, but one he cherished– and so did I.

One day, I received a call from a close friend with devastating news: Ben had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Frieda, unable to care for him at home, had moved him into a facility. I felt a heavy weight in my heart. This wasn’t just the loss of a dear friend; it was the loss of the vibrant, thoughtful man I had walked alongside for so many years. Shelly and I immediately made arrangements and flew to Honolulu, knowing we had to be by Ben’s side during this difficult time.

Our Final Goodbye