What Does a Heart-to-Heart with Moxie mean?

The Collins dictionary says, “A heart-to-heart is a conversation between two people, especially close friends, in which they talk freely about their innermost feelings or personal problems.”

This definition strikes me as short-sighted because it doesn’t mention family heart-to-hearts and heart-to-hearts between spouses and partners. Therefore, I am going to add a few important ingredients to the definition:

“A heart-to-heart with moxie is a successful conversation between two people; family members, spouses or partners, and close friends, in which they talk freely about their innermost feelings or personal problems.”

This is the Honey Good definition.

I think most heart-to-heart conversations are a really big deal, but I don’t think a heart-to-heart conversation has to stay within the confines of close friendships, family members, or partners. I think heart-to-heart discussions can occur in many different formats, in different degrees, and with different types of people, even a stranger. Some relationships are difficult and having a heart-t0-heart is vital!

Subject Matter

What is noticeably significant are the many different subject matters two persons can discuss in a heart-to-heart conversation. A heart-to-heart conversation on climate change is far different than an emotional heart-to-heart between a mother and her child.

Heart-to-heart conversations with family, partners, and close friends where opposing opinions come into play takes moxie because the stakes are high and the conversation is loaded with emotion. On the other hand, when you share your innermost personal feelings with a friend, partner, or family member, you must have moxie because the conversation will be laced with your ability to express your vulnerability.

To sum it up: Heart-to-heart conversations with moxie come in many packages. Many are happy and carefree and filled with love. Many take the skill of a GRANDWOMAN with moxie.

When to Not Have a Heart-to-Heart

This is a rule: we can’t choose our family, but we can choose our friends. Read a funny story about my girlfriends HERE.

Can a leopard change its spots? Of course not. Well, neither can a person. If you are a kind person you can’t become a mean-spirited person. If you are a foxy and disingenuous woman who’s always social-climbing you are not going to change. Therefore, don’t bother to have a heart-to-heart with anyone who has personal characteristics that are opposite of yours. I am not saying opinions. I am saying characteristics.

I learned my lesson the hard way but the best way, through experience. Some women never get it, but I am happy to tell you I learned. A GRANDWOMAN with moxie understands! She reaches out to women she can depend on, talk to, enjoy and mirror her values. The beautiful and special thing about friendship is you can choose each other. A wise woman learns this.

Difficult Heart-to-Heart Conversations

It takes a lot of moxie to have a heart-to-heart when the stakes are high, where there is conflict, and emotions are soaring.

Through the rich tapestry of relationships I have created, I’ve learned that communication is key. Have you noticed, it is very hard to communicate when your emotions are soaring out of control? Therefore, try and think twice before you speak once.

The first thing a woman with moxie does when she is faced with a difficult matter and realizes she must have a heart-to-heart conversation is to prepare. If she avoids spending time preparing for the conversation she won’t be clear about the issue; her purpose. The last question she should ask herself is what is her goal. My objective would be to preserve my relationship with this person.

The best way to start a difficult conversation is with a direct approach. Don’t beat around the bush. A GRANDWOMAN with moxie might say, “We are in this together, we both care so let’s problem-solve with a heart-to-heart.”

Managing Emotions and Judgement

You have preconceived ideas so I would advise you to inquire and be open to hearing what the other person has to say before you pass judgment. And, have you asked yourself if you have contributed to the problem?

Above all try and manage your emotions. You may totally disagree with what the other person has to say but remain empathetic and validate their feelings.

Lastly, go into the meeting expecting a positive outcome; an improved relationship. If this does not happen you know you tried, accept the outcome, and enjoy your life.

When Heart-to-Heart Conversations Don’t Work

Even with all the moxie in the world, there are times when heart-to-heart conversations just don’t work. Every conversation is a dance, and it takes two to tango, darling! When the person you need to have a heart-to-heart with does not wish to talk things through, it can be frustrating. Trust me. I know! As a mother of an estranged adult child, I know first hand that both parties must want to have a talk and want to improve a relationship in order to have a successful heart-to-heart.

Some relationships require more than a single conversation to fix, and sometimes, they might not heal at the moment we hope they will. Sometimes, we don’t know if they will ever heal at all. The best we can do is heal ourselves and find ways to thrive.

If you are a mother or grandmother who has been rejected by an adult child. I can help you feel joy again. With my online course “Healing From Estrangement” and eBook “Living with Estrangement” you can find solidarity, support, personal growth, and through guided healing, you can roar back to life. CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE

One Way to Have a Heart-to-Heart Conversation

With my willing adult children and grands, I usually start with a true story about someone they know. It always gets their attention.

A while back I was in Arizona. One of my grandsons graduated from a trade school. He was in such a hurry to own his own business and I wanted to impress upon him that he should work for a successful company and learn the ropes before he opened his own business.

I knew if I said, “No quick moves. You should learn from the best in your field before you strike out on your own,” it would not have a strong effect on him. But if I told him a true story of someone he respected and looked up to, I would have his full attention. It worked.

I told him about his grandfather, my Ultimate Concierge, who worked for 8-years for the best real estate company in Chicago to learn the business backward and forward and then started his own company. Then I gave my grandson some money and he opened his first business account. Each month he will add to his savings that will go towards ownership of his first business.

Different People, Different Techniques

Depending on who you are having a heart-to-heart with, you will have to use different techniques. With our families, we have to use a variety of techniques! I am smiling. A GRANDWOMAN with moxie knows her family very well and knows how to have a loving heart-to-heart dialogue with any willing family member.

When I have a heart-to-heart with my girlfriends I say what I feel. I am authentic, sincere, empathetic and want to make them smile. I am open to sharing my problems and very open to listening to theirs and helping them if they need me.

With my Ultimate Concierge, I share my world with him 100%. Our heart-to-hearts are filled with ‘heart.’ That is how relationships with our mates should be. If they are not, it is never too late to pivot. We are the Elixir in the relationship. We give it heart. Amen.

Have you had a heart-to-heart recently? How did it go? Let me know in the comments below. I want to hear from you! 

 

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