Ask Honey – Advice For Women Over 50

January 30, 2020

 

Good morning, Darlings!

Some of my favorite topics to discuss with you were sent in this week. Mother-in-Law’s, pooches, bunions, and the Red String.

I am very familiar with it all! I have had two mother-in-law’s and I am a mother-in-law. Pooches have always played a role in my life, the awful bunion is with me daily and my favorite piece of jewelry, my Red String, never leaves my wrist.

So without further ado, I am going to plunge in and answer some “Ask Honey” questions.

 

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M Asks:

Dear Honey,

I am confused about my MIL (Mother-In-Law). I love her but she can be “too much”. Please help.

My husband is an only child and apparently Mr. Brilliant can do no wrong in her eyes. Trust me, we both roll our eyes at some of her remarks. She is always helpful and loves us both but lately, she has been involving herself too much. It is mostly the bombardment of communication that I feel is driving me crazy. She sends constant text messages about things she can do to help. Just tons and tons of text messages and phone calls. I finally told her that if I need help I will ask specifically for help about something and that mostly I just need quiet. And she started texting me over and over again articles that can help with anxiety or more pictures of happy times or novels about how she loves me and she’s concerned that I’m having anxiety. I want to yell at her that she is the cause of my anxiety! I’m currently on bed rest before pregnancy. She is well-meaning but it gets to be too much sometimes. Like she’s trying to let everyone know how wonderful she is and everything that she can do.

She also has to make me close. I understand the sentiment and that she just wants to do something nice for me but I don’t want handmade clothes. And I don’t really like the things that she wants to do for me. Also, she wants to buy for me and I end up with so much stuff. I tried talking to my husband about the bombardment and he keeps telling me to let her do it and then we can get rid of stuff later. But I feel like if I don’t say anything it’s eventually going to come to a head at some point or I’m going to hurt her feelings. I don’t understand if this is someone being overly nice or if it’s somehow manipulative?

She is constantly bringing things over for my children or buying us things we do not need or want (expensive junk). I feel like the way that she shows her affection is by giving us stuff. But I also don’t want to fall into a trap of owing her because she’s given us so many things or she does so many things for us. She is very social and very active in government and community. She knows everyone, and she knows everything that’s going on. So she makes it a point to be involved with everything. I am more of an introvert and quiet and pensive.

Is it me just uncomfortable with this behavior or is there something else going on?

Sometimes I feel like she’s overcompensating. But then I turn around and see that she really enjoys being the center of everything and having so much attention. She’s been nothing but nice to me. And I am very lucky to have her. But sometimes I just want to say let me breathe and leave me alone! She has been in my life for 15 years.

Thank you, Honey!

– M

*****

Dear M,

I believe you are the daughter she never had and she is worried about you and doesn’t realize, enough is enough. Kudos to you.

You mentioned you love her and are fortunate to have her. Kudos to her. There may be a little manipulation going on but I would not concern myself with that because you would not love her if she was a manipulative woman. You know what you don’t want to do… you don’t want to hurt her feelings and you know what you do want to say to her… let me breathe; leave me alone.

You are darned if you do and you are darned if you don’t… maybe. I think you should take the high road. Come from positivity. This will benefit your husband, children and both of you. You mentioned you are not an extrovert and you are pregnant; on bed rest. I would say, Mom (or whatever you call her) I need your help during this pregnancy. I am asking you to sacrifice for me. I know there is nothing you would not do for me. I know you are anxious for me. Thank you. This is an emotional time for me and the quieter my life is, the happier I will be. You can ease my mind by helping me with the children and telling me your thoughts rather than texting me so I can rest and just breathe. I am not an extrovert like you and during this time more than ever I need more solitude. That would be a gift. Thank her for her concern and generosity and tell her how fortunate and grateful her whole family is to have her in their lives.

As far as making you clothes and bringing over too much stuff, I would let it go. She is showing she cares and loves you. Good luck with your pregnancy and new baby.

Warmly,

Honey

 

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Rhea Asks:

Dear Honey,

We have a smart dog except for one big thing. We cannot potty train him! Any advice? Help!!!

Thank you!

– Rhea

*****

Dear Rhea,

Coincidently, I received a text from our dog trainer yesterday asking me how the potty training was going with America. I told him I think America thinks our light green tile floors in California is grass! This was Don’s advice:

Put America’s crate next to the door where he goes out. He must stay in his crate for two weeks. No run of the house at all. In the morning and late afternoon take him for a long walk.

I run him on a golf course alongside my golf cart which is easier. He only comes out of the crate for his meals and his bowls are placed outside his crate. Every hour we have to take him outside. Don told me America will be totally trained.

Our dog trainer does not believe in treats as a reward. He believes the owner should be the Alpha dog. If you give the pooch treats, the treat becomes the Alpha dog and the owner never gains control.

Warmly,

Honey

 

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Beth Asks:

Dear Honey,

Oh, my aching feet from a bunion. I cannot wear my heels. I am depressed. Any suggestions? I am depending on you.

xoxo,

Beth

*****

Dear Beth,

You came to the right place. I am an authority on how to wear high heels and the latest boots with a bunion because I am a bunion sufferer who refused to give up looking girly.

I wear platform heels and I buy brands that have a large toe box. I buy all of my shoes a size larger. My shoes are glamorous and they truly make me feel, amorous. And, you will feel the same if you follow my advice. I am smiling.

Warmly,

Honey

 

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Sara Asks:

Dear Honey,

I cut off my Red String not knowing I should not so I could go to an event. What should I do with the string?

– Sara

*****

Dear Sara,

I never take off my Red String. I wear it to formal events, swimming, taking a shower, etcetera. The Red String should fall off naturally. It is to guard and protect you at all events, formal or casual. You can keep it in any special place or discard it. Thank you for writing to me. From one Red String wearer to another…

Warmly,

Honey

 

 

We are all GRANDWOMEN with moxie, and we need to stick together. If you have a question for next week, please ask it in the form below.