Today’s Ask Honey, is in response to the following question by Amy: What caused, or shifted, your attitude about aging? Most women try to defy or deny aging, but you embrace it with positivity, grace, and moxie. I’m curious to know if you always felt this way or if it’s a perspective that evolved.

I love this question — an important one, and it’s one I have considered a lot lately. The main reason is that I have been confronted with the reality that my Ultimate Concierge is older and can no longer outrun me. Sure, there are times that I get sad and worried. At times I fall apart, alone, but not for long. Instead, I become the most resourceful person I know. Why, because I am an optimal optimist.

You are correct, I have moxie and it has boded me well. Thank you for the compliment.

I don’t waste my time thinking about the clock ticking. I prioritize what is important to me… it is about living my best life possible. The word, despair, is not in my vocabulary.

My mother’s take on life had the greatest influence. She loved life.

Three things thave boded me well:

• I am a good listener
• I see problems as grey, never black
• I am an observer, like Detective Clouseau

All of these qualities impacted my lifestyle in a marvelous way. I have believed what I give out — my aspirations, my intentions, my vitality, and my feelings will come back to me.

HOW TO EMBRACE AGING

I embrace every day of aging with resilience, hope, clarity, and optimism. In my opinion, as women over 50, there is no other choice. I live my life as I always have, doing what comes naturally, and in my case, every day of my life, including my grey days, is filled with optimal optimism. That is how I embrace aging.

RESILIENCE IS MY OUTLOOK ON LIFE

As I think about how I embrace aging, one word leads the pack. Resilience. I pursue my passions, no matter what. I never give up when the cards seem stacked against me. I jump each hurdle, one after the other. This is not to win the battle. This is my outlook on life!

I want to stress to you that my resilience isn’t just my ability to persevere. It is my outlook on life. My way of staying focused on the important things. I don’t allow myself to get carried away by negative thoughts; those difficult moments I will eventually face.

I see the sun. I don’t see clouds. Period.

I AM A WISE REALIST

Please don’t believe for a moment that I am a cockeyed optimist who lives in la la land. I am a wise realist who gets it. I can’t deny my physical aging. My aged hands, my neck, and my hair turning greyer and greyer. My bunion, my sagging breasts.

I say to myself, thank goodness for L’Occitane Amande hand cream and my manicurist, thank goodness for my beautiful collars to hide the creped skin on my neck. Thank goodness for my Wacoal bra to give my breast their lift. Thank goodness for, Colette, my hairdresser. And I thank goodness for the cortisone shot to ease the pain of a bunion!

My approach to aging is centered around my outlook on life — my resilience. I see the glass half full instead of half empty.

WHAT IS IS!

What is, is! I look at what I can control; always looking on the bright side.

When I think about aging, I don’t cave. I retaliate. When I have a minor issue I seek assistance or order fresh flowers or buy a new red lipstick or call a best friend or sit down and write an authentic story.

When I am confronted with a major issue — health — as I was last year, I roar into action with resilience, and a positive outlook because it gives me hope and lessens my fears.

Last year my Ultimate Concierge’s health was threatened for 365 days! I committed myself to him above and beyond. I exhausted every resource. He helped by never complaining and telling me a hundred times a day how much he loved me. I rose to the challenge with my resilience; my positive outlook. It worked, darling, it worked! As you know, we traveled to East Africa with three of our divine grandsons in tow.

A NEW PASSAGE

After the age of 50, every woman faces new passages in her life. They can be deliciously fulfilling or depressing. The ball rests in her corner. She makes her bed and has to lie in it.

AGING GRACEFULLY

I don’t like the term ‘age gracefully. What is that all about? How do you age gracefully? Well, there are the extremes. There is the woman who gives up and lets herself go and the woman who goes under the knife whose face no longer matches her hands and body and thinning hair! Neither plan is a good plan.

HOW TO CONFRONT AGING WITH PURPOSE AND FUN

1. Be grateful every day for everything, large and small

Awe is part of my life. I note that every day I am in awe of something that brings me joy! You are too. You have to become aware.

2. Work Out

Personally, I don’t like to work out. Nevertheless, I work out three days a week with a trainer and two mornings a week at Pilates. I always leave with a bounce in my step, a feeling of pride, and even better posture. Isn’t five hours a week of dread worth hours of joy? Of course! Just do it, darling. It is worth your time and funds.

3. Get curious!

A full social life in your community is a must. Whether married or single, ‘get a life!’ A curious mind is worth several pots of gold.

I visit museums, get tickets for the theatre, ballet, symphony, and opera. I won’t allow myself to become a boring woman after 50. It is my outlook on life. My resilience.

Are you embracing your age and the idea of aging? Please share your outlook with us in the comments!

4. Form healthy social connections

Surround yourself with positive people and projects. If you feel you are in a rut, join a new group. There are so many. The key is to pick a group that piques your interest 100%.

I would have no qualms about leaving a group that did not meet my expectations. I did so last year. I loved the group’s mission. I did not love that every meeting was early in the morning in the suburbs. I live in the city. It was my mistake. I assumed, incorrectly, that they met in the city.

The group president reached out to me last week. We are meeting this Friday. She knows I won’t drive to the burbs. I love the mission, so I will see what she has in mind.

5. Update a room in your home

Consider enriching your environment with a new color palate, green plants, and accessories. I did, and oh, the daily joy I felt. The newness! The freshness. The pure joy, and I am not done yet because of the pleasure I feel.

I have redone four closets, our foyer, updated our den, and am in the process of redoing our powder room. The process is a facelift to our home instead of to my face. It is so uplifting, darling!

6. Sprinkle bouquets of flowers and green plants around your home and in your outdoor garden

I have been picking up fresh tulips from the flower shop in my neighborhood.

The feeling that comes over me when I put the tulips in water in a clear vase is beyond words. Looking at the tulips brings a feeling of joy, peace, and the ability to just be — to concentrate.

My green plants are in the window of my office. Looking at them, watering them, and trimming them gives me a great feeling of well-being.

7. Venture out solo, with your partner, or in a group to see the world

Travel revigorates the mind and the soul.

Living for two weeks in Africa was the most positive experience. My mind was constantly curious and active. Age was just a number. My mind was like a sponge, soaking up knowledge. My vision and hearing became acute as I honed in on the life of the animals on the Serengeti, visited the silverbacks in Rwanda, and lived with the tribal people in Kenya.

I arrived home a woman after 50 with the desire to take new risks, explore new places and learn new ideas. I am not thinking about aging — I am thinking about life! Make plans to travel!

HOW TO EMBRACE AGING

Don’t try and cling to youth
Resist feeling invisible, fearful, and lonely
Instead, balance your life after 50 with wonder, curiosity, delight, resilience, and a positive outlook on life

Amen.

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