What is your first thought when you open up your eyes each morning?

Do you wake up feeling positive? Does your mind stay in the present or do you dwell on your past? Are you a woman whose first thought of the day is, “The sky is falling but I will whistle a happy tune and figure it out?” Or, “The sky is falling and I know everything will go wrong?” Or, “I know the sky will fall but nothing has happened”?

If you wake up on the negative side of the bed, I have a few ideas that will work. How do I know? Two people I highly respect gave me two thoughts that interrupt worrying. I will say to myself, “I know what I must do!” So, I will take positive action to stop the worrying cycle and I use one of two mantras.

Two Positive Mantra’s That Limit Worry

We have already discussed that if we are confronted with a real problem the only way to stop worrying is to try and tackle our problem with positive action.

It’s those other “what if” problems.

My Ultimate Concierge and a psychologist are the two individuals that gave me my mantras, repetitions I repeat to myself when I am worrying that something will happen that has not happened! Their mantras are worthwhile because studies have been taken that prove most of the things we worry about never happen! And, constant worry creates constant stress that takes its toll on a person.

My Ultimate Concierge’s mantra: “There is plenty of time to worry.” In other words, don’t worry when you think something may happen that has not happened. If something later on does, you will have plenty of time to worry. In other words, don’t spend time magnifying a problem that is not a problem? Makes sense? Of course, it does.

How often do you think to yourself, “I hope my children and grandchildren don’t contract COVID-19.”  When that thought comes to my mind, and it does, I instinctively think of my mantra, “There is plenty of time to worry.” The moment I begin worrying about a “what if” problem or an, “I hope this doesn’t happen”, I instinctively stop the worry and say, “There is plenty of time to worry.”

Visualizing the Color Grey

I had Cancer. I was beyond sad and filled with daily fear and worry that it would return. And, I was obsessed with worry and fright. Then, I finally saw a psychologist my girlfriend recommended. She and I shared the same misfortune.

My psychologist taught me how to handle my sadness and fear. Every time I went into an exaggerated state of worry I was to visualize the color grey in my mind. She explained that the most unpleasant situations in a person’s life are grey, not black. She was correct. My Cancer was stage 1 and I never failed to miss a scheduled test. How am I now? 12 years later I have only had one relapse and thankfully it was caught in time because I was diligent. Two weeks before my test, I begin to worry, “what if” and “I hope not.” And then I catch myself and say my mantra, the color grey, and try to think positive. I say try because that is the extent of my capability.

Worries are a normal part of life. What I am suggesting is ways to worry less. And, worries can be productive when it propels you into action and stops procrastination.

My message is to stop worrying about “what might happen” with my Ultimate Concierge’s mantra, “You have plenty of time to worry.” Remember most worries, in the ninety percent tile, never happen!

And when you do have “a real worry”, think grey, not black.

Practice those mantra’s darling. They will work for you and you will feel so much better. I know.

Warmly,

Honey

Ask Honey – Advice for Every Woman

July 16, 2020

June Asks:

Hi Honey,

I’m starting to notice that my daughter is a “helicopter” parent. She is so overprotective of her 5 and 10-year-old, I fear she is babying them. I know they are still young, but she is so stressed out, I also fear for her health.

I don’t want to tell her how to parent, but I also see things will go south if something doesn’t change.

Do you have any suggestions?

Thanks!

Dear June,

I would advise you to try and understand your daughter’s motivation. Then I would search for the right book(s) that explain the pros and cons of helicopter parents and buy them for her. By chance, were you a helicopter parent? If so, you can see what happened to your daughter, and then you have cause to sit down and talk to her without her becoming defensive.

I agree helicopter parents are a detriment to the positive and emotional growth of their children because a child cannot grow into a resilient, independent adult with a parent who is overindulging.

Obviously, your daughter is worried they will come to harm, or she may be a very anxious young woman (explain my two mantras on how to control worry). She may worry they will not thrive without her excessive involvement. She may be competing with her peers or in need of a sense of purpose because without the time it takes to overcompensate her children she would have nothing to do. Lastly, if you were a helicopter mom, the apple does not fall far from the tree, unless the tree is on a hill!

I would advise you to understand your daughter’s motivation and then act with the gift of books that do not demean but explain in a kindly manner.

Keep me posted.

Warmly,

Honey

 

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Dear Mary,

I think it is high time you use your rights and let her know with dignity, you deserve her respect because your opinions are just as important as hers. Tell her you will no longer walk on pins and needles to accommodate her overbearing righteousness. Lastly, tell her if she is unable to do an about-face you are ending the friendship.

Why would you want to be with any person who explodes at you? Obviously she is not in the least worried about offending you and causing you sleepless nights.

My advice: If she does not respect your terms replace her with a wonderful kind-hearted woman like yourself!

Keep me in the loop!

Warmly,

Honey

 

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Kate Asks,

How can I look my best on Zoom?

Thank you, Honey!

Kate

Dear Kate,

This is easy as pie and very important since we are on Zoom and FaceTime and Instagram.

1. Position the camera lens at eye level or a bit above.
2. Look at the camera lens because it actually makes it appear as though you are maintaining good eye contact. I know it feels natural to look at the image of the person(s) on screen.
3. Face toward the main light source. On a bright day face a window. Do not have a bright light or a window behind you or overhead lighting.
4. Get distance from the camera. Position yourself far enough away from the camera so that the frame includes your shoulders and the top half of your chest.
5. Wear solid simple lines of clothing. Avoid jingling bracelets and shiny jewelry,
6. Apply 10% more makeup than you normally wear.
7. Watch your posture. Sit straight.

You are all set, darling. Enjoy each and every experience.

Warmly,

Honey

See you next week, darling! Have a good one. With less worry, you will.