The Setting for My Story
I mention Kankakee by the Sea often because the town and its citizens were very important in molding my character. When I left, at eighteen, for college and sorority life, I left behind the physical community of Kankakee but carried with me a certain innocence of small town living and layers of special and heartbreaking emotional experiences. The heartbreaking experiences came because I was set apart, unable to blend because of my circumstances.
My musings today take me back to Kankakee by the Sea and Christmas. My girlfriends were Christian. I am a Jew.
A Jewish Girl’s Christmas: Wanting to be Included
The holiday season, Christmas, in Kankakee brought out a longing in me for inclusion.
Try growing up a little Jewish girl in an all Christian town. I was not envious; I was wistful. I wanted to decorate a Christmas tree, have the most beautiful wreath on our front door and give and receive lots of presents. I wanted to run down the stairs Christmas morning and see what Santa left me and share the information with my Christian friends. I wanted to have my mom make a turkey and invite our family over for Christmas dinner. Why shouldn’t I? After all, Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year, and I wanted to revel in it.
That Was Not To Be My Story
Looking back on my memories—and because I walk on the sunny side of the street—I can now view those holiday years as a positive experience. I learned about Christianity. I could sing every word of every Christmas carol; I helped my friends decorate their trees, and ate ham for dinner at their homes. As I grew older, I went to midnight mass with my friends at St. Patrick Church.
I recall when they knelt, I sat in my seat as a good little Jewish girl. All-in-all, I learned the importance of respecting their faith, developed my strong character in staying true to my beliefs, and honed my ability to feel compassion for others—because I knew how it felt to be left out.
My Jewish Identity
To the credit of my parents and my grandfather, I was taught to honor my identity. I did not grow up with a Christmas tree with twinkling lights and divinely wrapped presents with beautiful bows under the tree or stockings hung on the fireplace ledge. I grew up learning the importance of planting trees in Israel to help turn the desert into a Garden of Eden.
We did not have a wreath on our door at Christmas. We had a mezuzah with the scrolls of the Ten Commandments on our door post.
On Hanukkah, we lit our Menorah for eight nights commemorating the rededication of the Temple in 165 BC by the Maccabees after its desecration by the Syrians. My friends had candles on their dining room tables.
We did not have Christmas dinner. We devoured, on Hanukkah, latkes with applesauce.
We did not have any twinkling lights in our front yard like my friends who had Nativity scenes. I recall asking my mother, “Can we have Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and pretend he and his reindeer are Jewish?” The answer was, with some laughter, “No.”
We celebrated the Festival of Lights, Hanukkah, during the month of December. The first nights of Hanukkah my grandfather and grandmother rented the grand ballroom of the Hotel Kankakee in Kankakee by the Sea! We were a huge family and needed the space because my grandparents included second and third cousins. We were a ‘real tribe of Israel.’
A Jewish Girl’s Christmas and Hanukkah
Was I envious of my friends at Christmas? Did I feel excluded? The answer is complicated. Though Christmas is magical and there is love and sharing in the air, I realized at a young age that Christmas was not my holiday. Christmas belonged to my Christian friends. Hanukkah belonged to me. I would share Christmas with them, and they would share Hanukkah with me. I was, and am, grateful.
They would invite me to their homes for Christmas dinner and their mother would serve roasted chestnuts, ham, sweet potatoes and pecan pie with ice cream for dessert. I would invite them to my home and my mom would teach them how to make delicious latkes that were served with all kinds of toppings along with a delicious Hanukkah dinner.
Years have gone by and I still have an intense and deep affection for the month of December. It is the time of year to celebrate my favorite festive holidays, Christmas and Hanukkah. A full circle of togetherness.
To my Christian friends, I wish you magical Christmas merrymaking. To my Jewish friends, light your Menorahs and twirl your dreidels into 2025!
How do you celebrate December holidays? I’d love to hear your traditions—please share them in the comments!
Darling, I know holiday celebrations can be difficult if you are experiencing widowhood or family estrangement. I invite you to join my private support groups Estranged Mothers and Grandmothers: Millions Strong and Widow Support Group: Women Healing Together.
Dear Honey:
Did this post resonate with me. I could have been you, but in a very small town in New Jersey. Your December activities were mine. I always thought that by wishing very hard the house would get decorated.
In fact, I was recently in a children’s book store to buy a Chanukah book for my three-year old grandson and saw a book titled, Dear Santa, Love, Rachel Rosenstein written by Amanda Peet and there I was! It was my story. I hope you have seen it and if not, perhaps you will.
Thank you for your post. And, I hope the Chanukah lights glow brighter this year.
Janet Schnitzer
Hi Janet, Happy Chanukah! And may your year be blessed in every way. I am so glad you wrote to me. Warmly, Honey
That was such a lovely post. This is what we need more of in the world, understanding of all people regardless of race, religion, color and ethnicsity.
Bless you on your lovely holiday.
And bless you on your lovely holiday. And, Happy New Year to you and yours. Warmly, Honey
Thank you Ginny. I wish you and your family a ‘sparkling’ New Year.Warmly, Honey
I grew up Jewish in a big city with a large Jewish population but a majority Christian one. My family was Reform so didn’t iverdo the celebrating of Channukah either. I too loved Christmas. Like you I knew every word to the Christmas carols (though I would fudge over phrases like “our dear savior’s birth”. I lobbied for a “Channukah bush” but to no avail. One year (age 9) I was shipped off to my aunt in MIami for Christmas vacation. Aunt Jean was fine with my decorating a “Channukah bush” in her front yard. I did but couldn’t shake the guilt I felt in doing so. The trip had a poignant ending as I returned home to learn my parents were divorcing, and my father had moved out. Divorce, especially among Jewish families, was very rare in 1952. That defined my childhood even more than being Jewish in a Christian world, but I’ve always connected those two events in a way that life sometimes echoes life. I got what I wanted but lost something else.
I see we are both bloggers and Jewish though I think being Jewish is a far more important title! Happy New Year. May the year be filled with good health and happiness. Isn’t that what are grandparents and parents would tell us!?! Shalom. Honey
Your story could have been mine! I remember sitting on my bedroom window seat watching for Santa to go to my friends homes and not being envious because I knew I had 8 days of presents, not just one!
I love being a Jewish woman for a million reasons! I feel it is a gift!!! I think you do to0. Warmly, Honey
I also grew up in an almost all Christian community. Everyone had beautiful lights and trees and I always wanted the same thing for our house. Of course, we never did. We loved our neighbors and everyone was very kind.
When we had our dental office many years later, I was able to go all out and decorate the office and have a beautiful tree!! Thanks for your article!
We were lucky to grow up as we did.We have a perceptive that many women never have.Happy New Year!!!! Warmly, Honey
This design is steller! You obviously know how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Fantastic job. I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!
Thank you for the wonderful compliment. I am so glad you are part of the Honey Good community. Happy Holidays to you and yours. Warmly, Honey