When I feel overwhelmed by life’s problems, ‘doing the right thing and living a simple life’ is my salvation.

Over the past 15 months, because of my ultimate concierge’s illness and estrangement from my family, I have learned to reflect on ways to help myself when bad things happen. I have come to understand that adult children often initiate estrangements from their parents for various reasons, such as personal growth or to gain power within the relationship.

Reading Zen taught me to sit quietly, pay attention, and see the truth. Practicing these methods has helped me realize that simplicity has much to offer and allows me to become aware of my authentic needs.

I have practiced this over the past fifteen months as I struggled with these problems. Struggles are never easy, but they force us to find solutions.

My mantra is doing the right thing for my ultimate concierge and living quietly with my thoughts. Dealing with the overwhelm of grief is enough to bear.

*Affiliate disclosure.

Simplicity Can be a Path to Peace in Family Relationships

I write many of my stories in the first person because I focus on the theory that many of you, like myself, are over 50 and face similar or other difficult situations. My approach to problem coping may open a door for you to ponder. Also, journaling helps me live into a new thought, which frequently becomes an answer that I share with you.

For the past few years, I have been overwhelmed with struggles brought on by my darling husband’s incurable illness, and added to that grief, I am an estranged mother and grandmother. A lot of overwhelm!

I don’t have the power to cure my husband’s disease or make my immediate family want me, but I do have control over my thoughts and actions.

Over the past 15 months, I have learned to reflect on ways to help myself when bad things happen. Reading Zen taught me to sit quietly, pay attention, and see the truth. These steps create personal awareness.

Sometimes, maladaptive coping mechanisms can develop when dealing with overwhelming situations. Recognizing and addressing these harmful coping patterns is crucial for fostering healthier coping strategies.

Doing the right thing for my husband and learning ways to cope with the title of ‘estranged mother and grandmother’ need tender and loving attention. I have spent hours tending to my thoughts. That is my focus, and this is where simplicity comes into my life.

Understanding Coping Mechanisms

Coping mechanisms are our mind and body’s way of handling stress and adversity. They are the strategies we use, both consciously and unconsciously, to navigate life’s challenges. Understanding these mechanisms is crucial because it allows us to choose the most effective coping strategies for our unique situations.

There are several types of coping mechanisms. Problem-focused coping involves tackling the issue head-on to remove or reduce the stressor. For example, if you’re overwhelmed by a heavy workload, creating a detailed plan to manage your tasks can be a problem-focused coping strategy. On the other hand, emotion-focused coping aims to manage the emotional distress associated with the problem. This might include practices like journaling, talking to a friend, or engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation.

Avoidance-focused coping, while sometimes necessary, can be less effective in the long run. It involves avoiding the problem altogether, which might provide temporary relief but often leads to more stress down the line. By understanding these different coping mechanisms, we can better navigate our stressors and choose the most appropriate coping strategy for each situation.

The Power to Choose Healthy Coping Strategies and Taking Control of Your Life

Remember, sweet reader, that a woman’s ‘power to choose’ her fate is unlimited when faced with challenging circumstances. You may be a woman who can’t end an unhappy marriage because of the impact it will have on your family, a woman who is afraid to leave a disappointing career because of the financial cost, or you are dealing with a spouse’s incurable illness.

You must find your answers; the best way to do this is to honor your alone time. Simplicity is a spice of life.

When you practice the Zen message, your ability to make the right choices, even when facing extreme adversity, is unlimited. Finding your footing is never easy, but making the correct choice will be a positive cornerstone in your journey. Implementing proactive coping skills allows individuals to prepare for challenges and mitigate potential stressors, thereby improving their psychological well-being.

When I think back over the past 15 months of my husband’s illness and dealing with being an estranged mother and grandmother, I could have easily caved with my problems. Can you even imagine? Instead, my struggles took me down a path of transformation when I learned the Zen formula: to sit down, pay attention, and live into truth. These nine words can leave a positive, indelible mark on your life. They have on mine.

Embracing Simplicity

You will be shocked to learn I have chosen to embrace the word simplicity at this time in my life. In the past 15 months, I have rarely ventured outside. Instead, I have spent my time inside hospital rooms and our condos in the sky. For a worldly woman who loves to live and has lived an extraordinary life, it would seem that I would have cabin fever and depression! I have neither.

Embracing simplicity can be part of healthy coping strategies to manage stress and emotional challenges.

I no longer rush out for classes. I sip my coffee leisurely. I walk barefoot all day! I take long relaxing showers where I do my best thinking. I munch on popcorn and watch marvelous historical series and documentaries. I am reading again. I always dress, add my red lipstick and my spritz of perfume. I am experiencing enough grief to overwhelm, and simplicity is a gift I gave myself.

Living simply with my ultimate concierge in my condo in the sky has not deprived me of continuing to be a most curious woman, a girlfriend, a national board member of ZOA, remodeling our condo in the sky, texting, keeping in touch with those I love, running HoneyGood.com, exercising, and reading, daydreaming, planning. And, lastly but firstly, spending quality time with my husband. I do everything at my leisure, even working in the middle of the night.

Darling, I don’t want ‘the hustle’ on my dance card. Living in our condo in the sky, with my hubby and America, with windows that face Lake Michigan and the city, is a glorious hideout to live in with those I love most. I have peace. I have the time to think. No rush.

Building Resilience

Resilience is like a muscle; the more we work on it, the stronger it becomes. It’s our ability to bounce back from difficult situations and adapt to life’s ever-changing circumstances. Building resilience is essential for coping with adversity and stress, and it involves a combination of coping skills, social support, and a positive outlook.

One way to build resilience is by practicing relaxation exercises. Deep breathing, meditation, and yoga are excellent ways to reduce stress and center ourselves. These practices help calm the mind and body, making it easier to handle whatever life throws our way.

Another crucial aspect of resilience is having a strong support network. Surrounding ourselves with family members and friends who provide emotional or instrumental support can make a world of difference. They offer comfort, validation, and sometimes even practical help, which can be incredibly empowering during tough times.

By focusing on these areas, we can develop the resilience needed to cope with stress and adversity, ultimately improving our overall well-being.

Coping with Family Relationships

Family relationships can be a source of great joy, but they can also be incredibly challenging, especially when conflicts or estrangements arise. Family estrangement, in particular, can have significant emotional and psychological consequences. Understanding the causes of family estrangement, such as value or identity conflicts, can help us develop effective coping strategies.

One way to cope with difficult family relationships is by seeking support from other family members, friends, or mental health professionals. They can provide a different perspective and offer advice on how to navigate these complex situations. Practicing problem-focused coping, such as setting boundaries or seeking mediation, can also be effective in managing conflicts and improving relationships.

It’s important to remember that every family dynamic is unique, and what works for one person might not work for another. By being proactive and seeking out the right support and coping strategies, we can better manage our family relationships and find a path to healing and understanding.

Seeking Support

Seeking support is a vital part of coping with stress and adversity. It’s not a sign of weakness but rather a testament to our strength and willingness to improve our well-being. Support can come from various sources, including family members, friends, mental health professionals, or support groups.

Emotional or instrumental support can provide a sense of comfort, validation, and empowerment. Whether it’s a shoulder to cry on, someone to talk to, or practical help with daily tasks, having a support system can make a significant difference in how we cope with difficult situations.

By seeking support, we can also learn new coping strategies and build resilience. It’s about creating a network of people who understand and care for us, helping us navigate life’s challenges with greater ease and confidence. Remember, darling, you don’t have to go through it alone. Reach out, seek support, and take steps towards a healthier, more resilient you.

What I’ve Learned by Practicing Zen

Reading Zen also taught me that a smile releases tension, conscious breathing centers us, and moving slowly through life helps us maintain awareness. I am doing all three in our condo in the sky. Following Zen practices and doing the right thing has aided me in creating a foundation for simplicity—my salvation over the past fifteen months. Additionally, Zen practices can help reduce psychological stress and improve overall well-being.

Every woman has her rhythm. When facing an unprecedented problem, it can be challenging to articulate a situation clearly. Once again, I suggest testing the Zen approach: Sit down, pay attention, and see the truth. To thine own self be true!

I also suggest testing the waters. I did. Try solving your situation through trial and error. I flew to New York for a board meeting, joined a book club, met a group of women to see if I wanted to spend time with them, met friends for lunch, and played mahjong! I realized that socialization does not bring me as much joy as staying home with my hubby.

My feelings are not your feelings. For example, Cherye, a very close friend, phoned from Honolulu last Sunday evening. She was the first person I met when I moved to the Islands. She is a good wife with a very ill husband who has found a way to manage the situation while continuing to socialize. Everyone’s journey is different.

I have not turned into a hermit. I am anything but! I have gone inside myself for a time to bloom in continuous awareness. Nothing could be better. Amen.

*When you purchase through links on this page, I may receive a small commission. This is at no additional cost to you and helps with the cost of running this site. I am grateful!