By Lisa Copeland
My friend Suzanne tragically lost the love of her life in her 40s.
When it happened she told me it felt like her heart literally shattered into a million pieces.
The wound was so deep that it took her almost 10 years before she was willing to dip her toe into the dating pool.
She eventually did and ended up meeting a very wealthy businessman.
She Was Drawn to His Intelligence… NOT to His Heart
They ended up marrying and had a beautiful wedding, white dress and all. After the wedding, they lived a lifestyle many would envy; they traveled first class around the world, dined at the finest restaurants, and bought a gorgeous old home and spent millions of dollars renovating it.
They had tickets to the symphony and the ballet and traveled all the time to see the latest Broadway plays appearing in New York.
About five years into their marriage, she decided to retire from her high power corporate job just as her husband decided to expand his business.
The money was flowing and on the outside, they looked like the perfect couple with the perfect life.
The Mistress
It wasn’t until after they divorced that Suzanne told me the truth about how lonely it felt to be married to someone whose mistress was work.
She’d been missing an intimacy you can only get on a soul level when your hearts connect.
Notice I said your hearts, not your minds, which is what Suzanne loved about this man from the get-go.
Fast forward a few years later and Suzanne meets another wealthy businessman.
And guess what the first words out of her mouth were… if you guessed I loved his intelligence than you would be right.
This was a red flag that kept her in the pattern of dating the wrong men, which is a problem when you’re looking for love.
The Quality Man Template
As a Love Coach, I help women create what I call a Quality Man Template so they can finally see that their type might not be the best match for them.
But without help, it can be hard to do.
You could walk into a room filled with 100 men.
99 of these men would be good for you, but the only one you’d be attracted to would be the guy you think is your type.
But truthfully, if your type worked for you, you would still be with him. Right?
My Advice to Her
Now back to the story… I asked my friend if I could share an observation with her, both as her friend and as a dating coach.
She said, “of course!”
I told her that even though she was thrilled by this man’s intelligence, it was going to keep her once again from getting to that place of intimacy she had so craved in her second marriage.
Next, I Asked Her This IMPORTANT Question…
“Are you protecting your heart?”
Like so many of my clients, she was afraid of getting her heart crushed again like she had so long ago.
So what would she do to protect herself?
She’d quickly find faults in the men she dated.
And she found a quality that would keep her heart safe… an attraction to a man’s intelligence.
But his mind wasn’t going to keep her warm at night.
The Secret Attraction Formula
I gave her my Secret Attraction Formula, which I want to share with you too…
A man’s personality + His appearance = Attraction
When I asked her if she liked his personality, the only thing she could say was that the dating world is messy.
Yes, it can be messy and scary because it makes you so vulnerable.
Men love your accomplishments, they love your intelligence but what they love most about you are your heart and your vulnerability.
When you’re able to trust a man, you are triggering his hero response that wants to always keep you safe, protected and happy.
Like my friend, many women block their hearts because they are afraid of getting hurt again.
But if you block your heart, you can’t get the closeness you want with a man.
Whether you’re a professional woman, a mom, a grandma, a woman who is spiritual or super intelligent, it’s likely you’re blocking your heart in some way that’s keeping you from the perfect man for you.
So Here’s the Question… Is YOUR HEART Open to Love?
About the Author
Lisa Copeland is known as the expert on over 50’s dating. She’s the best-selling author of The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50 and her mission is to help as many women around the world as she can discover how to have fun dating and finding their Mr. Right after 50. To get your FREE Report, “5 Little Known Secrets To Find A Quality Man,” visit www.findaqualityman.com.
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I lost the love of my life 5 years this month to a short battle with cancer, it did crush me and my life did shatter in a million, jillion pieces. It was beyond awful, but two years ago I began to think ( not without guilt) that I maybe was ready but then no I really wasn’t now two more years I think I could be. But as my cousin and I were talking a few months ago men don’t even look at you when your this age it seems. ( I’m 64), she is older but has a man in her life. But I feel I am somewhat invisible in that way. So I feel sometimes that I will never meet another wonderful man like Ruben. That he was the last love of my life. But I will say I have more confidence in the past couple years than I had and I miss the shared time of intimacy, dinner, walks on the beach, sharing a glass of wine while watching a movie or listening to music, dinner, dancing and planning our dreams together. Having someone that you know loves you and you love them with all your heart ♥️
Have you considered joining a mixed single’s group of men and women? A movie or book group, a card group, a travel group, a wine group? Please put yourself out there in the Universe. You are ready. Warmly, Honey
Great article……….finding someone who matches YOU and runs in tandem is difficult to do in our 60’s. We are already who we want to be, a lot of personal growth is focused outwards – time spent with family, travel, and staying close to friends. The person has to match our lifestyle, too. As a successful widowed business owner, I don’t need to be rescued because I was forced into independence when I lost my husband. Undoing that aspect of who I’ve become to attract a mate isn’t so easy. This past January, I made a commitment to myself to find happiness inside and out, and not worry so much about someone else being part of the picture. It has been 7 1/2 years, and it has taken a long time to get to this place. There is so much to life and so many things to do…….I have now found peace at being able to make those choices on my own and find great joy. I look forward to the last third of my life in a comfortable place. I hope others can find the same, or find that special person they can share their life with. To be happy, is to be the best!
You are a wise woman who knows herself. I hope many women read your words of wisdom. Warmly, Honey