Bully: A person or a group who uses strength to harm or intimidate those who are weaker -New Oxford Dictionary
Bullying is on my mind today. I am thinking of our grandchildren who deal with school bullying, but also older women who face all types of bullying or are bullies. There is one particular lesson for grandmothers to their grandchildren on the topic of bullying that ties in well with the holidays, but also we must tackle the topic of grandchildren and older women who lack the courage to silence the bullies and the importance of speaking up.
Darlings, the goal of my musings today, at the end of 2017, are to make you think about your actions in the bullying arena. This topic of bullying came to mind in part because of the national news.
Bullying seems to be everywhere: The national news
I am a news junky. I could probably win “Jeopardy” because I follow the news so closely. At the end of 2017 I am left with a bad taste in my mouth. I am appalled and ashamed of what others across the world must think about the bullying behavior and actions of some of our so called important citizens. Hateful words and scenes flash across my television set as I watch and listen in dismay. This isn’t an issue on just a single side of the political aisle. This seems to be an epidemic. Is this what our society has come to?
Three stories on bullying
A GIRLFRIEND STORY: During 2017, I watched an adult group of board members bully an older woman, a girlfriend of mine, because she fought for the rights of another person. A disciplinary action was initiated by the board against my girlfriend. She was not allowed at our club for a certain number of weeks. She was humiliated. The bullying carried through the membership and those who did not know her prejudged her because of other’s opinions. She is beloved, admired and respected in my beautiful Chicago. In her second home in ‘sunny’ California she is not one of the so called “in” women so she was used as an example to “teach” other club members “proper decorum.” What would you have done? Would you have spoken up? Would you have followed the pack and spoke out against someone you barely knew?
A LESSON FOR YOUNG GRANDCHILD: As grandmothers we have the opportunity and responsibility to reach out to our young grandchildren with a lesson on bullying and I think I found the perfect teaching vehicle…”Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.” This story could be applicable to the situations of all our young grandchildren. After all, some are bullied, some have bullied others, and some just stand by and watch the act of bullying.
Here are sentences in the song that relate to all the facets of bullying. Use them as your teaching guide:
“All of the other reindeers used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games.”
“Rudolph with your nose so bright won’t you guide my sleigh tonight.”
“Then all the other reindeer loved him as they shouted out with glee, “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, you’ll go down in history.”
The lesson comes with this question: Grandchildren, he was the same Rudolph. What changed?
MY STORY: I was at a private all-girls party. I was told one of the women did not want me in the photo. One of my close girlfriends came out from behind the curtain to deliver this news. I named who I thought the woman who made the request was and my girlfriend said yes. I was shocked that she would show such poor character in front of other women. I responded to my girlfriend, “I would never behave like that.” When I said those words, I felt like a fierce woman over 50. I am a woman with empathy, a woman who would never let another woman rain on my parade. I stayed at the party and had a wonderful time because I considered the source. I question: Should the other women have come to my defense? Would you have the courage to step up and stop a bullying situation?
Bullying is an epidemic. It makes me sad to see others hurt. In 2018 I made a promise to myself that I will come to the defense of any child, young adult, or older woman I know who is being bullied. I am smiling. As for me, I can handle myself just fine. I say this with not only a smile but with a big wink.
To you and your families, I wish you the happiest, merriest holiday. I hope my musings resonate with you and you tweak something in your lifestyle over 50 concerning bullying.
Wow, such an important message. Thank you.
You are so welcome. Have a wonderful holiday season. Warmly, Honey
I am so sorry that happened to you! Yes, the other ladies should have spoken up in your defense! As a retired teacher, I saw bullying and always stepped in and stopped it. Honey Good thank you for being YOU!
Bullies are unhappy, insecure people who truly hurt others, especially children who are vulnerable or different. One of my granddaughters is very tall and was picked on in school until she learned a sport and became the head softball girl’s pitcher on her Junior high and high school team. The bullying stopped. That is what parents have to learn. The child has to stop the bullying. The parent cannot. I am sure you were a wonderful teacher. Happy Holidays and God bless. Warmly, Honey
Dear Honey,
Wow! Amazing how cruel people can be. The more risk we take by exposing ourselves to the world it seems more likely one is going to run into a bully. One the other side it makes us resilient and bold in order to handle bullies and help teach our grandchildren. Thank you for bringing this issue back into awareness.
Happy Holidays to you!
Susan
It seems cruelty is showing its ugliness all over the world.I am truly appalled at people’s lack of caring. I agree with every wrod you wrote. And, you are so welcome. Happy Holidays. Warmly, Honey
As to the “girlfriend story” sounds like the “club” has a, junior high mentality. Who will be the next one humiliated?
There will be a next and a next and a next and one day, she will be alone. Warmly, Honey
I think the other women in the group should have spoken up in your defense. To remain silent, says something about these women and it’s not good. You were an imiportant part of the group and NO ONE should have been left out.
Bullying has to stop, yet it’s always been there. In my own case, I don’t recall being bullied by other kids, but I do remember being bullied by several of my teachers while I was in elementary school. Looking back now, their behavior was totally unacceptable and disgraceful.
Thank you for bringing such an important topic up!
They should have. I think they were in shock though that is not an excuse. They should be more selective in who they choose as their friend. She has done this to several other women. One day, if they are not careful, they will feel her wrath. I believe eventually she will be alone because her disgraceful actions will catch up with her. Warmly, Honey
Happy Holidays.
Thank you – I think there will always be bullies and it is because a bully has low self-esteem. You don’t have to like everyone but you can be gracious when in a group. That shows true character.
Let’s rejoice knowing we are not bullies. Have a lovely day. Warmly, Honey
Unfortunately, just because people get older their personalities don’t change so bullying is going to be around. Sometimes the bullying is more subtle and not as overt but its there just the same. In my opinion, many times the person bullying is really insecure and this is their way of coping – but this doesn’t make it right. Thanks for bringing this up and talking about it!
I agree with you 100%. Bullies have the problem; not the person being bullied. Unfortunately, it exists. I am especially upset when it is directed at children who are feeling vulnerable.Thank you for your comment. Warmly, Honey
How do you handle a husband who is a bully to my friend without interfering too much?
Happy holidays honey????????
Toni
I do not think you can. It is between them. His wife has to feel her power to stop him. Console your friend and help ‘her’to learn tools to stop him. Sound good? This way, you are helping. Warmly, Honey
Dear Friend,
It is up to those of us with a conscience to stand up for others when there is unkindness and bullying. I was at a dinner when another guest asked me , “What’s it like to teach where ‘ those’ people go to school? “. She was unaware that I taught ‘ those’ people., immigrant children. I am usually a quiet, person, but that time God gave me the gumption to speak out. “ It’s wonderful. I love teaching immigrant students. In 35 years of teaching they are among the hardest working and most eager to learn students I have ever had. I love them.” Mouths dropped open, a dead silence followed and the dinner quickly ended.
By the way , dear Susan, I and everyone on this site would love to have our picture taken with you. Hugs and have a fabulous day.
Hi, Mary Lou, Good for you to take a stand. I am shocked that the dinner ended quickly. I would love to take a picture. How though?
Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year to you and yours. Warmly, Honey