photo by Ken Teegardin
I have been thinking back to the time I learned a valuable lesson: that positive things can flow from negative events. In this case, it was the pain of an ankle so shattered it had to be screwed back together and a dear friendship that wasn’t nearly as broken as I had thought it to be and overcoming a fear of rejection.
After several decades of life you would think I would be able to manage to grasp how to avoid a falling out with a close friend. I am sharing my story because it has a valuable and thought provoking message for women of all ages because many of us have falling-outs with a close girlfriend or family member at one time or another.
The moral of this true story is: If you value a relationship, communicate. It is worth the risk and fear of rejection.
Lying in bed with my leg elevated, a day after surgery, my thoughts wandered to my girlfriend and the loss of our friendship. I thought about her because she also had a broken ankle. I decided I wanted to send her an email and make contact. I asked my husband’s advice. He said, “sure.” I was hesitant, but decided it was worth the possible rejection.
First steps towards healing
The first lesson for the younger and older generation is, pursue “everything” that is important to you. Do not let the fear of rejection prevent you from doing something you really want to do. With trepidation, I picked up my laptop and sent an email. It was hard to assess the feelings going through my mind at that time.
Within a short time the phone rang. It was my girlfriend’s voice. I was shocked and truly happy! I received not an email, but a personal phone call! She asked if she could come over and visit. “Of course,” I answered, smiling. Another lesson for women of all ages is, practice becoming an open person. It takes courage and is difficult. Many of us wear a shell of protection…like a turtle.
We had a fun personal visit. We talked about the pros and cons of gel nails! We just rattled on as girlfriends do. In many ways we are very liked-minded. When she left I sent her an email.
It read like this:
“I am glad I reached out to you, emailed you, and shared my ankle story. You reaching back to me with your personal phone call and a visit made me very happy. I have missed our shared girl talk and laughter…our friendship.”
Her reply, “I loved being with you, as well.”
Close but not quite
The bottom line: Don’t allow your fear of rejection, your inability to feel you cannot communicate stop you from reaching out to someone or something valuable in your life. Remember, you will never live into your answer unless you try. Teach this to your children and grandchildren at a young age, moms and grammas.
This blog is dedicated to my girlfriend. She was the other half who made this happen.
It has been a little over a year since I wrote this story. You will be surprised to learn our once very close friendship never rekindled. If I knew why I would tell you.
The experience changed me. This small town carefree girl from Kankakee by the Sea no longer wears her heart on her sleeve with women. It is OK. It has been a learning and important passage in my life and I have imposed it upon myself to make the experience positive. I feel powerful darlings…I have come to terms with the reality of the expression, “Don’t expect anything from anyone and you will never be disappointed.”
Some think this is a negative phrase. But I believe is a positive one because it is true. The thought makes me feel so free, like the coolness of a breeze flowing through my home, because everything in my relationships with my female friends is now less complicated. I am in charge of my destiny with women. Besides, darlings…I have the best “girlfriend” any woman could ask for..my husband, Shelly!
I share this story today because we have all had a similar experience. Hopefully you can appreciate my message and take away something positive.
Do Something GOOD today: Reach out and reconnect. Delete if it is unachievable. Remember…no toxicity in our lives, darlings!
Poignant point about trying, saves one from forever wondering, wishing you’d had reached out; it took courage to do it and even more mettle to move on.
Excellent. Penelope
Penelope: It was worth it. . She called last year to wish me a happy New Year. I was glad. The book is not closed. Xo.
Honey Good, thank you! Your story was just what I needed to read at this time. You are a blessing!
Sincerely,
DB
You are so welcome. I am glad I could help. Warmly, Honey
This also happen to me with a close friend who I valued. I asked her to forgive me for my words and she eventually did. However, our friendship isn’t the same it has changed and not for the better. We are both grandmothers and that’s the extent that we talk about now. I truly look at the word "forgiveness" now and think I wonder if she knows what that word means. So, many people I have met would rather choose to walk away from great relationships instead of learning to forgive the person who hurt them. There should be a class in "forgiving" taught in schools. It’s a valuable lesson to learn how to forgive someone and learn from it.
You feel good about yourself when you can forgive. I am with you.
Warmly, Honey
Thank-you for your wisdom. We women have all been in this situation but it’s often too complicated and painful to verbalize.
We don’t want to risk rejection again when we repeat the story looking for understanding and being fearful we will be told we did the wrong thing.
Nobody likes rejection. It is painful. You must weigh the odds. If you miss this friend in your life consider trying again, in person, validating her feelings and then hopefully she will validate yours. If this fails…delete! You need women in your life that are open, kind and forgiving, as do I..