I have named one of the chapters in my journal “Annoyances.”

Over the past few months, I have asked myself, “How can I live with daily annoyances and breathe?” My answer is I cannot continue on the route I am traveling. The fortunate part of this problem is that there are solutions.

I am not depressed; I am annoyed. I feel like Chicken Little, who said, “The sky is falling.” All the little stuff—those everyday annoyances—are falling all around me.

If a severe problem arises, I mobilize my defenses, my mind goes into my reserve of wisdom, and I call on people I trust for help. Those daily harassments, those annoyances when I am on my own, get me.

While walking through the park in my once-beautiful Chicago, arm-in-arm, last week with my daughter-in-law, Jami, I mentioned I was annoyed by the garbage on the ground.

We began to laugh and banter over our annoyances: We misplace our phone, clicker, and keys. The ladies’ bathroom is out of toilet paper. People are constantly on their phones during dinner; people are late; people don’t listen; people are messy; answering services without an actual human; dreadful music in your ear while waiting for a human being to answer your call; being left on hold at Walgreens; answering the phone to recorded solicitation calls; and taxi stands minus taxi cabs.

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The Evolution of My Reaction to Annoyances

I used to stay calm, cool, and collected and laugh at these annoyances. I used to brush it off with a, “No big deal.” But a collection of these no-big-deals can turn an otherwise decent day into a very big deal—especially when the recipient, me, is overtaxed with too much on her plate, overly tired, worried, and sad.

That person is me, and I bet you, too.

I realize I am not all to blame for feeling tense, irritated, and exasperated by annoyances. On the one hand, I can blame people’s bizarre and thoughtless actions and the complexities of living in an impersonal computerized world. While on the other hand while blaming myself when I am overly taxed and tired. In short, annoyances can be two-fold.

I have tried not to allow annoyances to take over my life by:

• taking long walks
• listening to ocean music
• taking hot oil baths with lit and scented candles
• calling a wise friend
• taking Pilates class, a form of exercise that I find remarkably calming and centering

This used to be enough, but now, it is not working.

This morning, I sat on the couch with my pup, America, a constant source of comfort and joy, a hot cup of water with mint, and my journal. I noted some of my annoying situations.

A Day in the Life of An Annoyed Woman

I left the house at 7:45 am for my Pilates class. When I called for my car, I had no idea I was talking to a night garage attendant. He left work and forgot to tell the day attendant to bring up my car. So, I was 15 minutes late for my class. I am fortunate that Susan, my instructor, kept me for an extra fifteen minutes.

Upon arriving home, the cable man, Wakeen, came to fix the cable box on our den television. He replaced it. After he left, we turned on the kitchen TV, and the picture was frozen. I went to my phone and looked up his number to call him back for the second time! He discovered that the new box on the den TV was causing the picture on the kitchen TV to freeze, so he had to install another cable box! About an hour later, I again looked up his number to make a third call because the box and all its wires fell off the back of the den TV! This episode turned into an exasperating annoyance and occurred before 10:00 AM.

The next annoyance was my interior designer, who arrived at our condo in the sky at 11:00 AM. I asked her over because of a problem with the fabric on the brand-new couch. After sitting on it five times, the fabric looked worn. She would assume no responsibility. As we stood looking at each other, I calmly said, “Out.” Yes, I fired her on the spot.

The List Continues…

Next on my list of annoyances was the physical therapist. My ultimate concierge has a schedule. Five days a week, he has physical therapy at a specific time. Today, the therapist canceled again because her nanny was sick. Of course, she wants to make up the time, which will change my hubby’s schedule. That is a no-no. I let her go.

The market delivered the groceries minus 16 items! As I unpacked the groceries, I noticed they sent olives with the pits. I ordered pitless olives! Two separate phone calls to the market—press one, press two, or hold!

The dishwasher decided to break from age! I immediately got on the phone again and ordered a new dishwasher, a Bosch.

Then, there was the call to Walgreens pharmacy. Fortunately, their music is acceptable, but it was another OMG hold, which was an annoyance.

Do you get the picture? It is nice to be serene, but a saint would be on the edge after that morning.

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Put an Anti-Annoyance System in Place

I understand that annoyances cannot be eliminated, but once you become aware of your empowerment, there are ways to reduce the number of repeated ones.

First and foremost, let’s be honest. Part of the responsibility is on the annoyed person. A woman must take care of herself. When women are overtaxed and overtired, they cannot handle even the smallest of their annoyances. Ask me; I know!

As I continued to sit with America, refreshed cup of hot water with mint in hand and a hopefully focused mind, I devised a formula to reset my mind to build back my spirit by journaling my thoughts.

Writing is a personal form of therapy. It always leads to authentic answers, though it takes time. When you are annoyed by a situation(s), take up journaling, sweet reader. The written word will refresh your thoughts as you navigate your annoying situation. You will live into your answer(s). Journaling provides a writer with clarity. My number one rule: Write authentically.

To Thine Own Self Be True

Ridding myself of annoyances that I can avoid makes more sense than aggravating myself. Learning to live with those I cannot control makes more sense than fighting with them. In other words, I have to know when I can shift.

I realize that a pilates session and an oil bath with lit candles wouldn’t relax me enough to stop feeling overly annoyed.

Additionally, I realize that I must stop overtaxing myself. I will try to downgrade and even delete some of my “to-dos” so that when I feel annoyed, I won’t overreact.

I realize that many of my annoying feelings are justified, so I must learn to avoid them, delete them, or learn to live with them.

People have human frailties—I have my own. I realize that people, while trying to be helpful, can create annoyances or be annoying. I often say to myself, if there were no people, I would have fewer problems! But people need people. I need people.

Therefore, I must disengage from people who do not give me positive input. I will choose people whose human frailties don’t annoy me. If their frailties annoy me, I will stop our relationship. This will calm me and prevent me from overreacting to annoyances. Keep calm and carry on should be my motto!

My Prayer to Avoid the Stress of Annoyance

I will buoy my spirits from annoyances while reminding myself to stay calm, relaxed, and collected when I am facing the head-on everyday problems and annoyances. And I will teach myself not to overtax my mind and body and to cope with my worries so I have the ability to work through the anxiety of annoyance.

I realize my everyday annoyances are not life-threatening. However, if left unattended, they can become emotionally threatening, debilitating, exhausting, and endanger my health. That alone will buoy my intellectual resources to stay cool, calm, and collected. Amen.

If you have a good strategy for dealing with annoyances, please share with me in the comments!

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