Gaslighting has taken a lot from a lot of women. But once you recognize the signs of gaslighting behaviors, you empower yourself to break free.

I have been thinking…

Like most women, I do a lot of that. Sometimes, I am so busy thinking that I get dizzy from overthinking! What do I think about? Everything! I am a ponderer. I listen, question, and observe before concluding.

Over the past week, after watching a few movies, I decided to write my Sunday Story on gaslighting and complete my E-Book.

Understanding Gaslighting: A Hidden Form of Emotional Abuse

In one of the movies, the main character takes a medication that my ultimate concierge takes. The conversation between the actors mentions that the drug has a harmful ingredient if you have my hubby’s condition. My ears perked up because I listened. The next day, I phoned his doctor and found out the ingredient had been removed from the drug.

As I thought about the positive qualities of listening and pondering, I thought about people who gaslight others. I wanted to scream at the rooftops to those who gaslight their friends, siblings, marriage partners, in-laws, stepchildren, and people in the workplace. These dangerous relationships often lead individuals to doubt their own realities and experiences. I wanted to tell them to sit down, converse, have a heart-to-heart, and resolve their differences.

The other movie was part documentary and part movie. It was the story of Moses. As I listened to the meaning behind the Ten Commandments, I once again thought about man’s inhumanity to his fellow man. And the topic of gaslighting.

The first four Commandments concern our relationship with God, and the last six concern our relationship with one another. The Commandments are meant to show mankind how to live a kindly and honorable life to the fullest. That means no gaslighting!

Overcoming Gaslighting and Finding My Voice

Since the COVID-19 virus, I have noticed that many people gaslight others and are hurtful and vulgar to family members and people in general. So much so that Miriam Webster chose gaslighting as the word of the year in 2022. Gaslighting today is commonplace and on the rise, so much so that I have become leery and stepped back from anyone who makes me uncomfortable because I was a victim of gaslighting.

I say I was gaslighted. I will never be gaslighted again.

Sweet reader, I am no longer a victim of a gaslighter because, over time, two women helped open my eyes with two words—surrender and gaslighting. I hope these words will help you.

My hubby’s attendant, Bevy, explained that surrendering, dropping a toxic rope, and turning your head was true empowerment. Like many of you, I thought the word surrender was a form of weakness. It is anything but that. It is strength at its best. It is decisive. You drop the rope and walk away to green pastures.

My hairdresser, wise friend, and inexpensive shrink, Colette, explained to me after I told her a personal story,  “You have been gaslighted.” I had no idea what gaslighting meant, but I quickly learned.

The Passionate Pursuit of Solitary Pleasure

WHAT IS GASLIGHTING?

Gaslighting is a form of vicious manipulation. It is very unpleasant to be the victim. The gaslighter wants you to believe something or many things about yourself that are not true. They want to make you feel you have done something wrong. They victimize you. They do this by lying, acting, and wearing you down until you question yourself. A person gaslighted is a victim of the gaslighter. She cannot recognize how to take a stand or regain her empowerment, until she understands what is taking place.

WHO IS AFFECTED BY GASLIGHTING IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS?

Gaslighting happens in marriage, between women, in the workplace, in politics, among business partners, between a family member and another relative, adult children gaslight their mothers, second wife syndrome against the children of a spouse, siblings, in sports, and the list goes on.

GASLIGHTING IS ON THE RISE

Gaslighting is on the rise in our society and can occur in various contexts such as workplaces, friendships, and familial environments. Man’s inhumanity to his fellow man is out in the open, now more than ever, with no consequences for the perpetrator(s). In today’s unhealthy society, there are less positive interactions and gaslighting seems to be acceptable. The victim, gaslighted by a person or a group, finds herself in a very uncomfortable and unfortunate situation.

I have written an E-book on gaslighting because I finally understand how to protect myself from gaslighters. Stopping the gaslighter(s), sweet reader, rests in your hands.

My Daily Rituals for Staying Positive and Growing: Pursuit of Solitary Pleasures Part 2

HOW TO STOP BEING A VICTIM

During my long life, I can’t recall being victimized. My resilience, positive attitude, and peaceful lifestyle with my family and friends in Honolulu was a gift. I was fortunate.

I moved to Chicago a year after I was suddenly widowed in my forties to be with my family. Fortunately, I remarried and have lived happily with my ultimate concierge.

But as they say, with all joy comes some sorrow, and I was not immune because, unfortunately, trouble began with my side of the family soon after.

I am a mother and grandmother who is estranged from my family. Unfortunately, my adult daughters do not understand the harm they are doing to their mother, their children, and themselves. For almost eight years, I have grieved every day. Whether traveling the world with my ultimate concierge, having dinner with friends, taking a shower, preparing a meal, or shopping at the market or for personal goodies, the grief of estrangement takes hold of my life.

In other words, I have not had a full day’s happiness in eight years.

That is, sweet reader, ‘until recently when I woke up and smelled the coffee!’ I realized I had to stop letting the gaslighters make me feel I was a helpless victim. But how?

With the help of Bevi, Colette, and the 16,000 women writing comments (which I always read) on my private Facebook group, Estranged Mothers and Grandmothers: Millions Strong, I have gained knowledge, and I can honestly tell you—I will never feel like the victim again.

How to Bloom Through Adversity After 50

Gaslighting in Romantic Relationships

Exploring the dynamics and impact of gaslighting within romantic partnerships.

Gaslighting in romantic relationships is a form of emotional abuse that can have severe and long-lasting effects on a person’s mental health and well-being. It involves a pattern of manipulative behavior by one partner to control and dominate the other, often by making them doubt their own perceptions, feelings, and sanity.

In a romantic relationship, gaslighting can manifest in various ways, such as:

• Denying or minimizing past agreements or conversations: The gaslighter may insist that certain events or discussions never happened, causing the victim to question their own memory and perception of reality.
• Blaming the partner for the gaslighter’s own behavior: The gaslighter shifts responsibility for their actions onto the victim, making them feel guilty and responsible for the gaslighter’s emotions.
• Making the partner feel guilty or responsible for the gaslighter’s emotions: By manipulating the victim’s emotions, the gaslighter creates a sense of dependency and control.
• Withholding information or affection to control the partner’s behavior: The gaslighter may use silence or emotional withdrawal as a tool to manipulate the victim’s actions and feelings.
• Manipulating the partner’s emotions to achieve a desired outcome: The gaslighter may use praise, affection, or criticism strategically to keep the victim off-balance and compliant.

The impact of gaslighting in romantic relationships can be devastating, leading to feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and anxiety. It can also erode the partner’s self-esteem and make them feel dependent on the gaslighter.

Recognizing the signs of gaslighting in a romantic relationship is crucial to preventing its negative effects. Some common warning signs include:

• Feeling constantly confused or uncertain about what is happening in the relationship: The victim may feel like they are always second-guessing themselves.
• Feeling like you are walking on eggshells around your partner: The victim may feel a constant need to avoid conflict or displeasing the gaslighter.
• Feeling like you are being blamed or criticized for everything: The victim may feel like they can never do anything right in the eyes of the gaslighter.
• Feeling like you are being manipulated or controlled by your partner: The victim may feel like their emotions and actions are being dictated by the gaslighter.
• Feeling like you are losing your sense of identity or autonomy in the relationship: The victim may feel like they are losing touch with their own thoughts, feelings, and desires.

If you suspect that you are being gaslighted in a romantic relationship, it is essential to seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional. They can help you develop strategies to cope with the situation and provide a safe and supportive environment to process your emotions.

How Gaslighting Works

Unveiling the tactics and psychological mechanisms used by gaslighters.

Gaslighting is a complex and manipulative behavior that involves a range of tactics and psychological mechanisms to control and dominate another person. At its core, gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that seeks to erode a person’s sense of self and autonomy.

The tactics used by gaslighters can vary, but some common ones include:

• Denial: Gaslighters often deny or minimize their own behavior, making it difficult for the victim to confront them about their actions. This tactic creates confusion and self-doubt in the victim.
• Blame-shifting: Gaslighters may shift the blame for their own behavior onto the victim, making them feel responsible for the gaslighter’s emotions or actions. This tactic undermines the victim’s confidence and sense of reality.
• Emotional manipulation: Gaslighters may use emotional manipulation to control the victim’s emotions and behavior, often by making them feel guilty, anxious, or fearful. This tactic keeps the victim off-balance and dependent on the gaslighter.
• Gaslighting by omission: Gaslighters may withhold information or affection to control the victim’s behavior or make them feel uncertain or insecure. This tactic creates a power imbalance and keeps the victim in a state of confusion.
• Projection: Gaslighters may project their own negative qualities or behaviors onto the victim, making them feel like they are the ones who are flawed or inadequate. This tactic shifts the focus away from the gaslighter’s behavior and onto the victim.

The psychological mechanisms used by gaslighters can be just as complex and manipulative. Some common ones include:

• Cognitive dissonance: Gaslighters may create cognitive dissonance in the victim by presenting conflicting information or behaviors, making it difficult for them to reconcile their own perceptions with reality. This tactic creates confusion and self-doubt in the victim.
• Emotional contagion: Gaslighters may use emotional contagion to transfer their own emotions onto the victim, making them feel anxious, fearful, or uncertain. This tactic keeps the victim in a heightened state of emotional distress.
• Social influence: Gaslighters may use social influence to control the victim’s behavior, often by presenting themselves as an authority figure or expert. This tactic creates a power imbalance and makes the victim feel dependent on the gaslighter.

Understanding the tactics and psychological mechanisms used by gaslighters is essential to recognizing and coping with gaslighting behavior. By being aware of these tactics and mechanisms, you can develop strategies to protect yourself and maintain your sense of self and autonomy.

Signs of a Gaslighter

Finding Closure: Healing from the Wounds of Gaslighting

Knowledge is the key to living one’s best life. I now understand the meaning of surrender, gaslighting, and victimization. Prioritizing mental well-being is crucial in this journey.

I am working on how to best find closure. I understand that closure will finally bring me peace. I am still processing the correct path.

Living in Elsewhere (the new name I gave the world during COVID-19) has taken its toll on the world’s population. People’s personalities, love of life, and the American way have disappeared. Fear, anger, and gaslighting are the norm.

Like all of you, I have changed the way I live each day. I now prefer to spend the quiet of the day in peace in our condo in the sky as I begin my work as a national board member of ZOA, whose mission statement is my mission statement – to fight antisemitism and the  right of Israel to exist, continue to wrap my arms around Honey Good and my private Facebook groups  and last but not least wrap my arms and heart around family members who I love and love me. I am empowering myself with action.

I will speak out against gaslighting while continuing to work on my pledge to never again allow myself to be a gaslight victim. I will wake up one day after I ponder and ponder and find my means of closure. And, when I have my answer, I will share it with you. Because I know that every woman’s power to choose what is best for her is unlimited.

My heart and soul belong to my beloved ultimate concierge, Sheldon F. Good and his family who is my family.

Finally, I wonder why the human race won’t copy the animals on the Serengeti plain and realize that silence, listening, and pondering are marvelous gifts. Amen.

Have you been a victim of gaslighting? Chances are you have. Please share with me in the comments.