The best relationships always have a communication strategy.
Day in and day out we negotiate. We even negotiate with ourselves. When you think about a woman’s life, negotiations of all types occur every single day. From a young age, we begin to learn the art of negotiation: the art of having discussions with the aim of reaching an amenable outcome. Unfortunately, mutually-beneficial agreements are often not achieved. Why is this?
I always wished for a sister. As a little girl, I observed the love between my mother and her sister. They spoke daily. I would hear them laughing and whispering and sometimes arguing, then forgiving each other and then laughing once again. They were fabulous role models. I learned the meaning of loyalty, forgiveness, and joy as well as empathy from these incredible women.
But that has not resulted in a life that’s free of conflict for me. On the contrary, I have had my share of angst and I am almost certain you have too. I have learned many things the hard way and I am still learning. If you are honest with yourself, so are you.
If you know someone who would find value in this story, please share it with them! This is the highest compliment you can pay me, darling. It means the world.
The Varied Relationships Between Women
Why do many conflicts arise between people who are kind, loving individuals? Why is it that what we say is often not what is perceived when, more often than not, we simply want to understand one another?
Girlfriends offer so much. In the analogy of life, girlfriends are the equivalent of sugar. We laugh together, give each other advice on every topic under the sun, share stories during fun evenings together and even have our own language.
On the darker side, I have witnessed a fair share of relationships that were mostly spice, which is not very nice. These glances and rapid-fire remarks have been directed to other women as well as to myself. These can all transpire in a few seconds — as quickly as a look!
So I did some research and found that sociologists and psychologists agree on this fact: females tend to be judgmental from a young age. Young girls learn early on to gossip, form cliques, and turn on one another!
And it only gets worse as they get older. I read over 60% of working women are bullied by other women in the workplace. These are all part of the not-so-nice characteristics of women. The schooled authorities do not have an answer.
(Psst. Be sure to read to the end for details and a FREE sneak peak of my upcoming course and ebook!)
The Value of Girlfriends
Darlings, I think friendships with women are checkered. I have had women in my life do the most unexpectedly extraordinary and marvelous things for me. I have, on the other hand, felt betrayed and disillusioned. These experiences filled me with both sugar and negative spice, which left me feeling conflicted.
But that was then and this is now. I have come to terms with women and the first important fact is the realization of the value of having my girlfriends. Without the chitter-chatter and the back-and-forth banter, I would be lost. We depend on each other. I need them just as much as they need me.
Please Remember to Do Things Your Way
Healthy communication strategies with your girlfriends may begin with understanding that you need a strategy!
This is my healthy prescription for how to find the sugar with female friends. First and foremost, you must realize your own value. Secondly, you should reach out and acquire new friends who share those values.
It makes sense that we might be in want of new friends and friendships once we are over the age of 50. Once, the rhythm of life seemed perfectly synchronized with your girlfriends. Carpool mornings, PTA meetings, house hunting, after-school soccer games – you name it, you did it together. It was a whirlwind of grocery runs, family dinners, and vacations with the whole crew. You navigated motherhood side-by-side.
But “me-time”? That was a luxury few could afford, unless you opted for a career or a helping hand from a nanny.
Then, you blink, and suddenly 50 (and beyond!) has arrived. The kids are spreading their wings, the nest grows empty, routines fade, and family gatherings are less frequent.
This may be the end of an era, but I look at this as the exciting beginning of a new chapter! You have a wealth of experience under your belt and years ahead to reinvent yourself. Change is good for the soul, especially between 50 and 90, right? Therefore, at the top of (or very close to) your “must-do” list? Reconnecting with your friends, fostering those sisterhood bonds, and creating a vibrant social life with women you admire.
Now you are on your way, darlings!
Communication Strategies To Try
The next step I call “shedding unwanted emotional weight”. Say goodbye to the toxic relationships in your life, even if those include female friendships! And remember: don’t expect too much and you won’t be disappointed. Girlfriends have so much on their plate as do you, so be flexible.
- You want your friendships to be solid and meaningful. This requires your effort.
- If there was a friendship you valued that went astray, mend your bridges wherever possible.
- If someone hurts you and asks for your forgiveness, I hope you will forgive them if the infraction is forgivable.
- Do something good today: call your girlfriends and tell them you are glad they are in your life.
Darlings, will you hold yourself accountable and call one of your girlfriends to let her know how much you value her? I’m sure it would make her day and it would certainly make mine, knowing that another relationship somewhere in the world is strengthened. Let me know what she says in the comments below.
An Unfortunate Truth
I’d like to take a moment to pivot slightly. The sad fact is, there are are some relationships that may be beyond repair, be it a friend, spouse, or family member. I have recently shared my story that I am one of millions who is estranged from my adult children (read more of my story).
Though sharing my story was painful, the bright light was that I was able to reach so many mothers and grandmothers who suffer as I do. This instilled in me a deep desire to help these women in any way I can. I started a new private Facebook group, Estranged Mothers and Grandmothers: Millions Strong, and I began working on a workbook that soon morphed into a full-blown course to help women come to peace with this situation as I have.
If you would like a free sample of the book portion, click here and I will send it to you.
I hope that this story helps you to open the lines of communication with your girlfriends or anyone in your life that you’d love to share more of your time with. Please share this with anyone who might need some encouragement sprinkling sugar into their relationships, or deleting those that no longer bring them joy.
Honey, I grew up with one younger brother. My mother was an only child and my dad had one sister.
We moved a lot so I did not develop any lasting friendships. I had 4 children and worked full time as an educator – so no time for girlfriends. I’m in my late 60’s now and married for 48 years. I still long for friendships, but also still struggle to find the time to give new relationships like you describe. Maybe someday…
I suggest you join a group. A book, movie, needlepoint, church or a card group. Put yourself out there. Make the time. It will pay off. The ball is in your court. Go for it. Warmly, Honey
Great read!! You describe exactly why I never had much female friends – much interest in sustaining and nurturing them – until my 50s. Now, as my friends spouses are getting sick, parents are doing, I’m seeing the great value of female bonds… And my life is richer because of it!
Women need women. We are a society. With good communication and respect nothing is impossible. Warmly, Honey