I recently received a question: “Honey, what do I do when I become an Empty Nester?”
My advice? Refill your nest with positive affirmations and visions of your goals for your new journey. Why? Because children grow up and move away. This is the natural progression of life. After eighteen years of raising a family, it is now your time to concentrate on yourself and your relationships. Your time of self-sacrifice is over, and the happiest empty nester makes herself a priority.
Positive Affirmations
Just think…the carpool days and 6:00 a.m. risings are over and so is your loss of Saturdays because of a hockey game or project due. If you have daughters, as I do, you wait up until the last one arrives home on a Saturday night but now you and your partner can slip into bed, together. When you become an empty nester free from parental responsibility, revel in it. Don’t deny it!
After each daughter left home, I dwelled on the same two things I thought I should have done differently. On a peaceful walk with my pooch, it finally hit me that it was time to stop because I knew I could not change what was, so it was pointless to berate myself. I used my ‘berating experience’ to teach my daughters to try not to be hard on themselves over things they cannot change. So, darling, stop reveling in regret.
Change Is Good
Don’t wish each passage of your life could stay the same. Your goal as a mom or dad is to raise your children to become self-sufficient adults who look forward to going out on their own. Your responsibility is to give them strong roots and the strong wings to fly off. This is the natural progression of life. Don’t fight it. Look forward to the next passage.
Fill Your Nest With Interests
In the beginning, I was so sad and worried and lonesome. I was worried about their wellbeing and I waited for their calls. I got upset when they promised a call and the phone did not ring. And, I wanted to interfere when I knew their decision could have been better. I wanted to shop with them, laugh with them, help them, plan parties for them, dry away a tear, do a project with them, climb into bed with them and talk before they fell asleep, help them pick out their dress for the prom, share secrets and on and on. Darling, I wanted to be with them!
But one day, I stopped. Why? Because feeling sad only made things worse. So I picked myself up and met my next journey head-on with great anticipation. I have been journeying and journaling ever since! And, I am a happy empty nester because I packed my nest with my interests, my pooch, my husband, my travels, my curiosities, my relationships, and always left open space for my daughters. Fill your nest with your dreams and turn them into reality. Be positive.
Make Yourself Your Priority
It is your time to cherish the you in you. Look after your physical health and pay attention to your emotional and social needs on your new journey. Discover new hobbies; travel the USA and the world (a train or a cruise), reach out to old friends and join groups that pique your fancy to make new friends, stay fit and take boxing lessons for strength and balance, do a remodel in your home and design a nook of your own, downsize, plant an outdoor or indoor garden, but first and foremost, if you have a partner, share your life together. Nothing is more important than love. That is the greatest joy of becoming an empty nester.
Welcome A New Chapter As An Empty Nester
The empty nester syndrome is not a clinical condition. It is a natural and normal event in a mother’s life. It is a combination of several mixed emotions compiled on a mom. It is a sad time and it is a happy time. As well, it is a lonely time. It is a time for new connections and to welcome a new chapter and journey. So, when the time comes, let your children leave the nest and fly. It is a passage in a mother’s life she cannot escape.
Do you have an empty nest or will you be an empty nester anytime soon? Please let us know in the comments at the bottom of this page. We want to hear from you! As well, if you have a question you’d like for me to answer, please email info@www.honeygood.com. I would love to answer you!
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I’ve been an empty nester for many years. The memory of my youngest daughter going to a mainland college (we lived in Hawaii) is still very clear in my mind. It felt as though my heart was being ripped from my body when I put her on that airplane. Kanani was a very smart and dedicated student so I knew she would do well in college. She had much to look forward to, but all I felt was the emptiness in my life and I didn’t like it. I think one reason I felt the loss was that I didn’t have her dad to lean on. We were divorced and he had remarried and also lived in the mainland. I did survive and she not only survived but spread her wings and soared high. I’m so proud of the successful person she has become.
PS – She never came home to Hawaii to live, but she has had many more opportunities to shine than she would have by staying in Hawaii. I love her to the moon and back….
I always use the saying, “I love you to the moon and back” too! Yes, there are those circumstances when one is all alone and a child leaves the nest as well as other circumstances. The topic is a very broad one. In your case you survived and so did Kanani and I am so glad. Life is far from perfect and we moms have to rise to the occasion. Aloha, Honey
It is very very sad when one becomes an empty nester unexpectedly. It’s good to be positive about being self centered and think about yourself in positive ways but oh so frightening and lonely and boring and very sad at times. The older one gets when this happens the more difficult not to have a husband/partner to enjoy simple pleasures like dining out, traveling and just having someone to enjoy laughing with someone and everyday simple pleasures. And God forbid when not feeling well and needing some extra help, love and affection when family lives thousands of miles away just compounds being alone.
You are right. When I was writing the story I knew there was more than one way of becoming an empty nester. I chose to write a positive message on the normal way a woman becomes an empty nester – her children leave the nest. I will write a story on what one can do when the unexpected empty nester situation knocks on our door. I think of that often. Hope you are fine. Warmly, Honey
Aloha Honey….mahalo for commenting on my post
I am smiling. Mahalo for your thoughtfulness. Aloha, Honey