Darlings, it is connections with others that provide us with lasting joy. Your choice of a husband or partner should be one of your life’s most important undertakings.

This blog is dedicated to my husband, Shelly, and my girlfriend, Carolyn, who taught me, through their wisdom, three valuable lessons on how to make the right decision when choosing a soul mate.

I passed these lessons on to my daughters many years ago. I now share them with my Grandchildren when the subject of marriage comes up. My philosophy is that they can never be too young to know the importance of this life long commitment.

This blog is for the community of married women, single women over 50 and all their children and Grandchildren.

The Backstory

One magnificent day when I lived in Honolulu, I was walking on the beach with my close girlfriend, Carolyn. (Oh, how I miss the sea, the salt air, and rainbows in Hawaii!)

I was thirty-nine years old; she ten years older. Her son was getting married so we were talking about the festivities. We were so happy and carefree as we chatted about the upcoming wedding and shared just plain girly talk.

Suddenly, she stopped and turned to me, and in a very serious voice said, “Susan, I want to share a discussion I had with Andy.” Andy was her son who was getting married.

“I think you will want to share my thoughts with your daughters when the time is right,” she continued.

My girlfriend’s advice was unforgettable and insightful. It is 30 years later and I have never forgotten her words of wisdom; words I now pass on to my Grandchildren.

“THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION YOU WILL MAKE IN YOUR LIFE IS WHO YOU CHOOSE TO MARRY.”

Before you continue reading, darlings, take a few minutes to think about the significance of her words. Making a poor choice of a mate makes or breaks one’s life. Jumping into a relationship that you are not positive about in every way is a no-no.

Little did I know at that time, just a few years later I would be alone; my husband, Michael, passing away.

When I did meet Shelly, Carolyn’s words ran through my mind. Shelley was my only date after I was widowed. The moment I saw him two things happened: my little heart went pitter-patter and I thought of Carolyn’s words of advice.  More than 25 years later, my heart is still pitter-pattering because I made the right choice.

On our first date, Shelly, soon to be my future husband, took me to brunch. He was a widower and had been single for five years. After two hours he looked at me and said, ”I am going to marry you!”

And here is his wise tip, and I quote him, “I MADE A LIST OF WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR IN A WIFE. You meet all seven qualities on my list!” Make your lists, darlings. Then, follow them. This is Shelly’s advice.

My husband’s other lesson on marriage, “THE FURTHER YOU GO FROM MARRYING YOUR SISTER OR YOUR BROTHER THE LESS CHANCE YOU HAVE FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE.”

Darlings, we have commonality with our siblings. Our values, our faith and even the foods we eat.  There is value to his statement because we are usually in sync with our values and our likes and dislikes.

I hope I have given you some ‘food for thought!’ Please don’t keep these tips to yourself – pass them on to your loved ones.

Do you hope to find your mate? Or, have you been married for decades? Have you passed on tips for choosing the right mate to your children and Grands? Do tell!

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