Admittedly, I do not have all the answers on how to create peace of mind after 50 when the going is rough. I wish I did. For all our sakes.
A big part of having peace of mind after 50 is walking on the sunny side of the street.
I have been lucky. Of course, like everyone, I have had my serious valleys. I worry and stress as you do. And then I remember to envision a problem as grey; never black, and I see light at the end of the tunnel.
With that positive mindset, I am able to find my footing which allows me to take control of my thoughts. I move them from the black column to the grey one. This trait is one of empowerment with a mix of one’s wisdom.
That is how I create peace of mind and contentment when I am confronted with 98% of my problems. 2% of problems make it seem impossible to create peace of mind. Living through a fatal illness with a loved one and great loss comes to mind.
FINDING PEACE OF MIND OVER 50: CALMING MY STORM
Selfishly, I am writing on this topic because often times a writer finds answers in her writing. Therefore I write to calm my storm. To find my peace of mind.
I am that writer because …
I am in the throws of trying to think grey. You see I have a chronic ache in my heart. I cannot seem to shake it. I must face the reality that my Ultimate Concierge, my dearest friend in my lifetime, turned 90 years old a few days ago. For me, the thought of 90 is a downer. It means fewer years together.
And if I had one wish it would be to relive the 31 years I have been Mrs. Sheldon Good.
Don’t let me be misleading because I have some positive control over this period of our life, and I use it to the hilt. When he had his detached retina, I put drops in his eyes. I drove him to all appointments and followed the doctor’s orders.
When he broke his wrist, I forced him into occupational therapy. When he had surgery for an aortic valve replacement, his doctor gave orders. Both to walk for 30 minutes daily and go into a rehab program. Guess who was his Nurse Ratched?
But no matter what I did or do, the truth is the truth. I cannot control aging. Even though, in my mind, he will always be the dashing and smashing 57-year-old I met when I was in my 40s.
A PERSONALITY TEST
Starting your day out right, be it with a good breakfast, body movement, or a chat with a loved one, goes a long way toward peace of mind.
In the insurance industry, you are given a test to determine your personality type. The exam is graded by a color code. Type A is red, Type B is blue, Type C is yellow, and Type D is white.
I recall sitting around a breakfast table in Mexico with four other couples. During breakfast, our host, the owner of an insurance agency, handed out a questionnaire to fill out. This would place each of us in a personality category.
Red had a strong personality.
Blue was strong yet pliable.
Yellow was happy-go-lucky.
White was passive.
After we were graded we went around the table and told our type. The test was so right on. Everyone’s color matched their personality. Looking back I have never had a better time around a breakfast table!
Needless to say, my Ultimate Concierge was a Red. I like strong men. I love being taken care of. And I love knowing that my guy is in the know and I can count and depend on his decisions. This gives me peace of mind after 50!
In other words, I don’t like to drive the car! Yes, I prefer being Miss Daisy. I like a man whose empowerment is wrapped around me.
I KNOW OUR COLORS ARE CHANGING
The thing is, I don’t want to be a Red.
What I want is to carry on in my role as Miss Daisy. I want my man to continue to ‘drive the car’. This past winter it hit me, my Ultimate Concierge is not what he used to be and I have to find the internal strength to be a Red.
It is so difficult to try and be who you aren’t coupled with the knowledge that the span of life is getting shorter. My thoughts are sometimes paralyzing. So paralyzing I cry.
This past winter my Ultimate Concierge was the never-complaining patient. And I was his Florence Nightingale! Though the medical issues were resolved, Covid and life in Elsewhere played a heavy and negative role. It took its toll. His toll was physical. Mine was emotional because it dawned on me that his life span was getting shorter. Suddenly, I found myself saying more than once a day, “Are you ok?”
Selfishly, I decided to write my musings on this topic because writing often provides a writer with answers. And, because some of you are feeling as I do with your own situation. Or will eventually. No one gets a free pass.
So what can we do to find contentment?
- Acceptance. I have accepted this fact unhappily. Focus on the positive. I do every day but with an ache in my heart.
- Keep life exciting. I am to the hilt, but I ache. Take time for yourself. I am but there is always that little bit of sadness tugging at my heart.
- Be there. I am and it does give me peace of mind.
HOW CAN ONE CREATE PEACE OF MIND AFTER 50
Nothing brings peace after 50 more than spending quality time with someone you love.
Be there for my guy is my answer. It’s a fact that men don’t know how to take care of themselves. My role is to be my Ultimate Concierge’s right arm. To watch over him with tender loving care. This is how I find my peace of mind.
I make his medical appointments and fill his weekly pill dispenser. Make sure he takes his few pills and vitamins. I hired a physical therapist to work out with him at our condo-in-the-sky and walk with him to his cardiac rehab.
I plan our travel he will enjoy and make plans to be with couples he likes. We go to the Opera and the Arts Club and will be going to Millennium Park Music Fest soon. I drive him to his barber ( 40 minutes away) and all his appointments because of his detached retina situation. I supervise, as best I can, his diet. He loves salami sandwiches!!! I am a Red.
I am in the process of creating my personal peace of mind. You probably know I take a pilates class three days a week and work with Rebekkah at my home two days. I bloom where ever I am planted. My business keeps me involved. Watching a series with my ultimate concierge is enjoyable. Spending time with my pooch, America, is a gift. I pick myself up and look for circumstances and people that I enjoy. I am a Yellow.
WRITING HAS GIVEN ME MY ANSWER
Writing my musings has provided me with new thoughts. Thank goodness for journals and pens and computers.
MY NEW TAKE
If I do all I can to nurture my Ultimate Concierge so he can live to be 100 what more can I ask? Now I am thinking grey! See the benefit of writing? Buy yourself a beautiful journal and pen. Write authentic stories about your feelings. Don’t be shy of writing down your vulnerabilities. We are all vulnerable.
I am feeling a sense of contentment because I have resolved some of my angst.
I will be a mix of red and yellow and that will make me a true blue!
My ultimate goal is to savor each day to its fullest—the ever-present. It is a gift.
By the way, my Ultimate Concierge thinks he is still 57 and tells me often … the best is yet to come. I will hold on to his words. They are not grey … they are sparkling white. I am smiling.
How do you create peace of mind after 50? Please share in the comments.
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Love your outlook on life and your very positive attitude! It’s the only way to keep that inner peace!
Thank you. It has boded me well. And, it will bode you well, too! Warmly, Honey
Thank you with love
Your welcome, with love. Warmly, Honey
My goodness, this reached me more than anything else you have posted. It seems that these heart ‘aches’ are reminding us of things we don’t want to think of much too often lately. It’s all so fragile and moves so quickly, and what are we to do? One day at a time, even one hour at a time, for each day is filled with these ‘hours’, and if we are lucky, wonderful memories. I love your attitude, and I suppose this spoke to me because you seem to have such a charmed life, one that your audience admires greatly. Thank you for letting us peak into a darker side, a side with sadness. It’s actually very uplifting. Keep smiling, Ms Honey,, we are all under the same big sky 🌸
What a lovely message. What more can I say except thank you and God Bless. Warmly, Honey
Susan, I can totally understand your situation. My husband (six years older than me and I am your age) has Alzheimer’s. He is amazingly physically healthy but is mentally not aware a lot of the time. He says and does things that would never have occurred to him just a few months ago. How to cope with irrational behavior and thought is an enormous challenge.
We have been married over 57 years and now I hardly know this man! I am the decision maker for everything we do. Our five kids are supportive but not LIVING with him. I get a break one day a week to do what I want snd the other six I treat as an adventure! We go to family and community snd church events but I must keep an ear out for the inappropriate things he sometimes says. Everyone tells me that he will eventually have to go to a facility and that may be true. But till I make that decision I will pick out his clothes every day, fix his meals and cajole him into eating, help find all the misplaced items in his foggy world, keep him as social as possible, tend to all his needs as best I can. I said “in sickness and in health…till death do us part “ all those years ago and still mean it. Every day is a challenge and an adventure and until he is unsafe or not healthy in our home, here he will stay.
Bless You!!! You are an amazing wife!!!
It is my pleasure to accommodate my ultimate concierge! He is the best of the best! Thank you. Warmly, Honey
This is so comforting to read. Well expressed with some helpful insights for coping with the inevitable emotional losses we all will face as we age. Appreciate your vulnerability in openly sharing your thoughts, feelings, concerns and how you are dealing with them. Uplifting!
How do I create peace of mind for myself – I like the word gratitude – it’s a 🥰 ❤️ lovely word. In the morning when I wake up, I thank the good Lord for a good night’s sleep and another day to celebrate all the blessings He has provided for me for this 1 day. I cherish the morning walk that I take with my best friend, Doodles, my 7 year old miniature schnauzer. I enjoy laughing and talking to my 2 guy friends, Robert and James about when they were younger as kids. As I sat on my front porch, I am memorized by a beautiful butterfly that has landed on a flower that I have just planted – I think he approves by the way he is fluttering his colorful vibrant wings. At the end of the day, I give thanks to Him – I have peace of mind.
Thank you Susan for sharing your very positive insight into a situation we will/do find ourselves experiencing! We must find our inner strength as our men need our love and understanding.
To Jean, make sure you take time every day for YOU! Having taken care of my late husband who had vascular dementia for seven years I can tell you, you will have more peace of mind if you have a caregiver relieve you for a few hours daily. It will also benefit your husband. Some of my most poignant memories occurred in the last few years of his life . Even though he was not able to speak with accuracy we communicated in the most beautiful and meaningful way. Because I had help, I had the energy to enjoy these very special times. God bless!
Thank you for your message, Carol. I read every word twice. You are right. Warmly, Honey
Mes.Susan,
My heart goes out to you.
Like you I love a strong man who has taken care of me for 50 years.
As Our roles change, I ask God to bless our days together and try to build memories to carry with me:
Thank you for your message, Debra. Take care. Warmly, Honey
Susan, I read your blog and I can relate to your feelings. I too am married to someone I love dearly (60 years) and very concerned about health issues. I try to be optimistic but when you see dear friends and love ones pass away you really start to think how short our life on earth is.
We are at that vulnerable age and even though we have battled and beat unforseen illness (cancer) life goes on. I am thankful and I know you are too for the many blessings our precious Lord has bestowed upon us. I always tell myself our life upon this earth is temporary, we are just passing thru!!
Take care and stay your positive self
Janice G.
It is awful isn’t it? It is scary, sad, heartfelt and a downer.It is our reality now. I think the Chinese Virus ( where did Covid come from anyway!) was a brutal time and actually aged everyone physically and emotionally including children. It was so unnatural to live like we did. It was as though time stopped. Lethargy set in. People stopped moving and thinking. The two years created an unhealthy atmosphere.
I am sorry you are experiencing what I am. On a positive note I think we find joy in so many things. I am looking forward to walking my dog, America early this morning, writing a story, fixing breakfast for my ultimate concierge and on and on. I don’t know why but I imagine you are like me.
We are taking a long trip, leaving on June 5 and this is the first time I am worried about health issue…a what if. If I could have one wish it would be to relieve with Shelly the last 31 years. I know I can’t so I am going to make each day as grand as I can and make sweet lemonade. On an exciting note, We were with Trump. It was by chance. I am going to write about it. Stay tuned. Sending friendship across the miles.
Thank you my darling. I could have been writing your exact words as it relates to my Wonderful husband of 55 years. I am 2years older than he is. I am 89. He calls me a Cougar and his Trophy Wife. I love it. He has always been my love, my big macho man and my protector. I have always felt loved, safe and protected with him. Now it is not so much that way. He has so many things wrong, heart. Copd, has to always use a walker and 24/7 oxygen. Now I am his care giver and protector. Such a major change for both of us. Sometimes I have to go.off by myself and shed some tears. I know he must do the same. I appreciate you for sharing your thoughts. I needed that today. Again, thank you more than I can express. With much love to you and yours, LuAnn 💕
You are a Cougar! I am too but I would rather be Miss Daisy! You too!?!. We will carry on and make each day count. Right? Right!!! Thank you for your sweet words. Warmly, Honey
Oh Honey, I afraid to think about life without my Mr.
Because he is older. It’s a Hassle to keep my mind from wandering down that path.
When the time come that one of us might have to take care of the other, no matter the age, he might have to care for me. I pray that We don’t have regrets, resentments and continued sadness because of our situations.
I hope that we are just grateful for the healthy years we have shared.
Live in the present. It is your gift. Don’t worry about the future. Than is my heartfelt advice. Warmly, Honey
My inner peace is letting go of the things I can’t change – I used to try and change them and over analyse. I’ve learnt my inner peace is my family. I watch my daughter grow into a beautiful, driven young women and I am so proud that we’ve given her the love and confidence to stand on her own two feet. That gives me immense peace.
Friends (well friends I thought) have come and gone and I no longer try and chase the non existent friendships I thought existed. I have everything I need. My amazing husband, daughter, brother and parents. I am blessed but sometimes in our everyday life’s we forget all that we have.
I agree: sometimes we forget all that we have. It is called gratitude. I have read that grateful people are happy people. You are blessed and so am I because we are grateful. God Bless. Warmly, Honey
Trump?
Trump? I am smiling. Warmly, Honey
’til 120 !
And ~where does one find the personality test to take?
This post truly spoke to me… keep writing.. keep collecting pens, journals, scraps of paper. Keep walking on the sunny side of the street, & remember: “you will never find a rainbow if you’re looking down”.
Have a nice day~ p.
I look up even when I want to look down. Thank you for your kind words. Warmly, Honey
Thank you susan for sharing your words of wisdom Age is a journey we all take I love your positive attitude Thank you Dawn Foster
Every day is a journey!!!! Warmly, Honey
Thank you for keeping it real. As you mentioned no matter how fortunate one has been in life we cannot stop the aging process. I’m also starting to notice the years catching up with my spouse and seeing how you and your readers are adjusting to a new stage in life with enormous grace and practical advice is very uplifting and makes me realize there is nothing to fear and how beautiful to witness a full life even when time isn’t on our side.
Make every day count! And, time will be on your side.Live in the present. Warmly, Honey
Just an amazing conversation and so many strong, red women!!! You Go Girls!!! I, too, have been married 54 years and want more. God has Blessed our union! He is a Good Good God🙏♥️👏🏻
I am so glad you are fulfilled and happy. Makes me happy. Warmly, Honey
Thank you for sharing about your “Red” Mister Consierge….. What a blessing to have been taken care of in this life — To have had a “protector.” I have been single all of my life, no kids, & it is a totally different kind of experience … Don’t regret it but think it would’ve been alot easier if I’d been in a couple.
I suggest you live in the present.It is a gift. The past is the past. It is over. Warmly, Honey