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The Secret Weapon of Cool Grandmas: Saying No Without Saying No

Ah, the joys of being a grandma! Unconditional love, silly adventures, and that magical bond that only exists between a grandchild and their grandmother. But even in this sunshine-filled relationship, there are times when you need to step in and say no.

The problem? That dreaded one-syllable word can feel so harsh, potentially derailing the positive vibes you’ve worked so hard to cultivate. Here’s the good news, darling — there’s a way to say no without actually saying it!

Build a Bridge, Not a Wall With Storytelling

My secret weapon? Storytelling! When a situation arises where I need to guide my grandkids (of any age!), I share a relatable story from my own childhood. It starts with a simple, “I remember when I was your age…”

Suddenly, their eyes widen. The idea of Grandma getting into trouble is fascinating! I share my experience, the consequences, and the lessons learned. This creates a bridge of understanding. They’re not afraid to open up, knowing “Honey did it too!” Before you know it, we’re having a meaningful conversation, with questions flowing back and forth. This method fosters a closer bond and, hopefully, a valuable lesson learned – all without uttering a single “no.”

Navigating Modern Dilemmas When Advice is Needed

Sometimes, my grandkids seek my advice on situations that may not align with my way of thinking. Here’s the thing: I feel obligated to share my thoughts, but I also recognize the importance of being mindful of today’s world. Their lives are vastly different from mine.

 A grandchild’s lifestyle today is a far cry from my childhood days. So, I take a humanistic approach, supportive of their world while staying true to core values that date back to the 10 Commandments.

It’s about being a modern-day, old-fashioned grandma. This means carefully considering the situation before expressing my opinion.

Respecting Boundaries — When Silence Speaks Volumes

One golden rule: never get between a mother and her child. I respect my daughters’ and daughters-in-law’s decisions, even when I disagree. There are boundaries, and I know better than to cross them.

If a grandchild pleads with me to intervene, I gently explain that I can’t. However, if my daughters come to me for guidance, I’m happy to share my perspective – privately, of course.

There Are Those Times

Some say that the first word a child recognizes is the word no. I think puppies do, too. I don’t think anyone, grandchild or adult, likes the word. Unfortunately, there are some extenuating circumstances when I do advise a grandmother to ‘just say no.’

There may also be a few very ugly, out-of-the-box circumstances when a grandmother should keep her silence and take the high road. This is unhealthy for a grandchild because it has been documented that grandchildren who are not close to their grandparents are not as happy as grandchildren who have that loving close relationship.

1. Disrespect and rudeness: You are entitled to set boundaries and say, “This is not how you speak to your grandmother. It is not ok.”
2. Safety: As a grandmother, there is not a chance you would not interfere. You are obligated.

Substance abuse: This is a top priority. There is not a grandmother who would not say no.

OUTDOOR FUN WITH YOUR GRANDCHILDREN, THE ULTIMATE GUIDE

The “Cool Grandma” Factor — Building Trust and Understanding

My grandkids (of all ages!) think I’m a cool grandma. And let’s face it, being thought of as cool is cool. I remember at one time they were surprised when I knew what Zoom was! Staying up with the times is important in the relationship between a grandmother and her grandchildren because it bonds grands to their grandmother when they think she is current with the times.

They feel she can understand what is going on in their world and with that status, they will listen when she advises them against something they are hell-bent on.

This perception of coolness opens doors to important conversations, strengthening our bond. It’s the perfect combination: love + coolness = a wide-open channel for communication and an even deeper connection between a grandma and her precious grandkids.

When Living Miles Apart, Get Tech Savvy

For geographically distant grandmas, technology is a lifesaver! Utilize tools like Facetime or Zoom for visual visits, or keep in touch through text and email. Remember, distance doesn’t have to diminish your role in your grandkids’ lives.

You can still be a source of love, guidance, and a listening ear – even miles apart. I love my Google Hub Max for this. We can chat while I made dinner!

Remember the Parents and Learn Support, Not Interference

Saying no as a grandma requires finesse. After all, your child (the grandchild’s parent) is also part of the equation. We can’t dictate how they raise their kids. Stepping on their toes will only create tension. Remember, your role is to be a supportive grandparent, not a replacement parent. Focus on offering positive reinforcement and avoiding being intrusive.

Final Thoughts — Choose Wisdom Over Emotion

As a woman over 50, you possess a wealth of wisdom. Here’s the key: use that wisdom, not your emotions, when navigating these situations.

Remember, darling, a little thoughtfulness goes a long way. By employing these tips, you can guide your grandkids with love, respect, and a healthy dose of coolness – all without ever uttering the dreaded “no” darlings!

What are your best tips to navigating “no” with your grands? Please share with the community in the comments below!

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