It has been almost four months since I held Orchid in my arms. Our last interaction will remain with me forever. As I cradled her head in my lap and bent my head down to kiss her for the last time, she was kissing my hand as if to tell me, “I love you. I understand.” After a few kisses, she was gone and with her death went part of my heart. This is the image that I will remember.
How am I surviving the loss of Orchid? Not easily. Not easily at all.
I’ve Been Thinking Lately…
I have given a lot of thought to why pet owners are so devastated over the loss of their pets. Human relationships are complicated. Our relationships with our pets are uncomplicated and sweet. There is no agenda.
Our relationship was simple. We were loyal and we would never betray one another or hurt one another’s feelings. Additionally, we were always kind, needed one another and placed no demands. Orchid appreciated me. I appreciated Orchid. We brought calmness and joy into one another’s lives for 4,198 days in a row. Our relationship was total love and the best type of love at that… simple.
Fortunately, I have my Ultimate Concierge. We help one another through this loss. We cry together, talk about her together, and we miss her together. In other words, we grieve together, but we also mourn, alone.
There is No Prescription For Personal Grief
I don’t have a prescription to hand out on how to grieve the loss of a pet. Grief is personal, and my healing process may be different than yours. I will, however, share how I am surviving in hopes that it may help any of you suffering loss in any form.
My prescription: I allow my feelings to unfold. I hold nothing back. I permit myself to feel the heights of emotion; from utter grief with tears running down my face, to guilt, anger, loneliness and reliving special times, and even, yes, thoughts of bringing a new puppy home. My way works for me.
Over the last four months, I have been grief stricken. All types of emotions flood my mind. At times I am lonely for her peaceful manner, and at times I suffer guilt for not putting her to sleep sooner than later. Other times I just cry, like right now. At times I am angry that she, this lovely animal, had parents who carried a gene that killed my Orchid. I also question and wonder if I can love another pooch like I loved, and still love, Orchid.
Once a Pooch Lover, Always a Pooch Lover
Mixed into my pot of emotions is the theory that once a pooch lover, always a pooch lover. A home is not a home without a pet for the Good family. Some of my friends who lost their pet wait for months to open up their hearts to a new arrival while others decide they cannot go through the heartbreak of another loss. I also have friends who have a new pet within a few weeks.
Looking back over the past four months, I believe I kept myself from feeling total devastation by having hope I could love another pet. And foremost in my mind was the knowledge that my strong husband, Sheldon Good, was aching over the loss of Orchid and needed a pooch, a pal.
On the day that I broached the subject with Shelly, I said, “I was thinking of asking a few friends who have Wheaten Terriers who their breeders were. What do you think?”
Without a pause, he answered, “Go ahead!”
His quick response startled me because he is a ‘thinking man.’
A few days later, over breakfast, he asked, “Any luck yet?”
I did not feel guilty while on my mission that took hours of time that I did not have. I am now sure it was a part of my way of healing. Each time I would pick up the phone or write another email to a breeder I felt I was doing this in honor of Orchid who brought so much joy into our lives.
Our New Adventure
As you know, we will have a new puppy soon. I believe this puppy will have Orchid’s soul, and I know why. For reasons too deep to explain here, I want the pooch to be like Orchid. And while I don’t know who this puppy is because there are nine in the litter, I feel such a rush of love for this little mystery pooch who I will soon hold in my arms. And this is good for the soul. Because there is no emotion stronger than the rush of love and the desire to give of oneself.
Our wonderful breeder sends me videos of the nine little rascals eating, sleeping, running and exploring, and my Ultimate Concierge and I laugh and laugh as we watch and wonder which one is ours.
I listen to my husband’s laughter and watch his expression and happiness, and I know the timing is right. I believe giving our love to another pooch is a compliment to Orchid.
Orchid’s kiss made me melt. We were quiet companions on our walks. Our outings in the park were fun. As she played with the other pooches, she would turn her head and make sure I was near.
After our walks we would climb up twenty-five steps to the top of the Museum of Contemporary Art and watch the world go by down below us, our bodies hugging one another. I am crying. I miss our daily uncomplicated, pure and profound love affair.
My love for Orchid is tucked away in a special section of my heart for eternity. I am glad I have the capability and need to welcome into my heart another pooch. For me, it had been a part of the grieving and healing process. Part of grieving the loss of a pet is moving forward into the now. You are not replacing your loving pet. You are honoring the memory of the one you lost.
I honor you, Orchid Good.
How Have You Survived the Loss of a Pet?
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I lost my Australian Shepherd, Locky, seven months ago. He was only seven years old and died of lymphoma. For three months we tried chemotherapy but Locky was unresponsive to treatment. I am 72 years old and don’t know about getting another dog. I will never stop mourning for my boy Locky. Reading your article has helped me realize that it is o.k. to grieve.
Had you considered a rescue dog? My first and second dogs were breeded dogs. Then I saw too many sad stories about dogs who needed to be rescued. Ever since we have rescued two dogs and two cats. 💜
I did think of rescuing. It is hard to find Wheaton Terriers. Most pet owners have rescues. Thank goodness. Warmly, Honey
Dearest Honey,
The beautiful dog I had was lost when I was 12 years old. Her name was Priscilla. She was my dearest friend and constant companion. She seemed to be there through all those gawky teenage years to no avail. Her ability to learn was unmatched by any dog I’ve had since. She learned how to balance herself on the front of my bike and she wasn’t a small dog. When we drove to the store she would chase our car until we picked her up.
The story of how I lost her was too much for here but I do believe, like you, that she has lived in my heart forever. I have had many dogs since Priscilla and loved them all. Yet My Priscilla will always be my most special.
I truly hope you find love and happiness with your new pooch. Animals can bring us many gifts in their own individual ways.
Best,
Susan
What can I say except we were both lucky to have an irreplaceable pooch who will love in our hearts forever. Warmly, Honey
My beloved toy poodle died in 1987. He had been a gift to me. I could not bear the stress to an animal of locking it into a crate or my basement for 12 hours a day while I was out of the house, so I opted not to get another pet.
When I retired, I asked a friend who owns a pet care business if I could help her with some of her little “clients.” I have been doing this for 6 years now and it’s the perfect solution for me. Over the course of a year I care for maybe 50 pups and kitties. I have Maine Coons, Burmese, Persian, and many rescue kitties. I care for King Charles Spaniels, Labradoodles, Border Collies, Collies, Bichons, Jack Russels, Chihuahuas, and sweet rescue doggies.
I am more than fulfilled, covered with love, and appreciated. I take vacation when I like. I make bank deposits every two weeks! I do on-site care and stay for weeks in people’s homes while they travel or handle family emergencies. I take pictures and text the families about their pets’ antics. I am bonded and insured by the company where I work and they always have kind and effective advice when I need help. My career was never this much fun!
You made the most perfect choice of how to spend your time with animals for the pets, their families and yourself. You are happy and so is everyone you know you care for. My hat is off to you! Warmly, Honey
Dear Honey:
I have lost so many pets, I’ve been involved in the dog fancy at different times as a breeder, as a competitor, and now mostly as a photographer.
My breed now is the shiba inu. Having had malamutes, akitas and basenjis over the years, it was a nice compromise between size and coat. The hardest part of course is taking that long sad journey to the vet. Dogs seldom give us the gift of just passing away at home. I met my husband in 2003 and most of my shibas were then relatively young, it wasn’t until 2010 that I lost one and my husband was always, always there with me even though I know it hurt him so badly (as it did me).
The last dog that I had to put to sleep was my Jimmy, who was 16 and we both cried in the vet’s office after they left us alone, and he said, I really hope there is a Rainbow Bridge. He held me at night when I cried, and then … only 5 days later I was left alone when the love of my life died of a heart attack while running on his lunch hour at the age of 48. This was a little over 18 months ago. I was supposed to be planning his 50th birthday party and instead I am still grieving his loss.
I now know I face the loss of at least 4 more shibas without him to comfort me and it’s a terrible thought. I think it seems logical to think that someone who has lost so many dogs over the years might get used to it, but on the contrary I think it gets worse. I do believe sometimes it is the kindest thing we can do for them, even so I think sometimes I have waited too long, but as I tell everyone when they ask “how do you know when the time is right,” it’s a very personal decision and you will know when the time is right.
I don’t know at this time if I will get another dog when my shibas gone, I’m at the county limit of 4 right now, but time will tell.
I would like to say that my will has instructions for my dogs. I have two very good friends that will take responsibility for them so my family does not need to worry and I don’t have to worry about my dogs after I’m gone. I would implore your readers to make sure their family is willing to take care of their pets or to make other arrangements, too many beloved pets end up in shelters, oftentimes in their old age when they are not very adoptable, can you imagine how hard that is for them?
Your losses have been unbelievable. I am so sorry you lost your husband. I was widowed in my forties. too. I hope you have another life with another man as I have these past 26 years. I send you my deepest sympathy and thank you for your wise message on how to make choices for our pets after we are gone. Blessings sent your way. Warmly, Honey
When I had to put down my Pavlov & Scrooge —- on the same day no less —- I was beside myself. I wrote an obituary for them, which I will admit, is one of my best pieces of writing. Putting my grief into words, celebrating their lives, was cathartic.
Putting all of our thoughts into words is very cathartic. You are very wise. I am so sorry for your losses. Warmly, Honey
We lost our beloved ShihTzu, Garth, 10 months tomorrow. We are still grieving and tears come easily. We have decided not to get another pet because we are older and worry what would become of it when we pass. In the meantime we are always looking for a dog to pet, especially, a ShihTzu, which we are having trouble finding in our community. Garth was so special in so many ways…the love of our life. He was 3 weeks short of 16 when we lost him.
I will always grieve for Orchid. I know how you are feeling. If you have a family member or close friends who you would trust if need be I would talk to them and if they say they would take your pooch, why deprive yourselves of another pooch to love. Food for thought? Warmly, Honey
Honey,
I’ve been watching this journey with Orchid as I know my beloved Shitz Tu will have to transition one day because of anal gland cancer.
I can’t imagine life without him. His eyes, his antics, his love. I’m asking God for all the time I can selfishly have without my fur baby being in pain. Thank you for sharing your experience and emotional tribute to Orchid. Wishing you the best with the new baby!
A. Gibson
Thank you for writing to me. I am sorry you are going through what I went through. I learned: let them go when they no longer can be who they were meant to be. I held on too long and I am very sad about it to this day. God BLess. Warmly, Honey
I loss my little 12 yo male toy poodle a month ago today, very sudden. The grief is awful all I do is cry. I have a 14 yo f toy poodle who is grieving with me. He was my best buddy aways following me the little girl is very close to my husband. She has become very clingy an doesn’t leave my side at times. . I give her so much love an trying to help her . They went (go) everywhere with us trips , casino you name it. My little guy got a cough in April was diagnosed with enlarged heart so was put on medication an everything was going good, about 5wks ago he got sick throwing told him to vet said he had mild case of pancreatitis so was treating that over the weekend he was getting worse took him back to vet that mon said he was in critical condition was in renal failure 75% of kidneys gone. I was in total shock . I believe in my heart all the heart meds put a stain on his kidneys , they never said that just ask if he found medicine he shouldn’t have or ate something . The answer was no! I was never told the side effects of the medication but after Lot of guilt an research seems I was the only one that experienced this. I feel sad guilty you name it. But if he hadn’t been put on the meds his heart would of gotten worse etc so fix one an cause another. Sorry for venting but I’m just a heartbroken pet owner.
I know how you are feeling. I lost my darling Orchid over 2 years ago. My ultimate concierge and I did not think we would survive. She had Lou Gerig’s disease. She died in my arms licking my hand. After a few months because Orchid gave us so much love in memory of her bring a new pooch into our home. We are so glad we did. I know you have one pooch.Maybe you might want to consider in memory of him bring another pooch into your home. I am so glad you did write to me. Warmly, Honey
Honey, this is just lovely. I am going thru this right NOW. Our son came home from the military for Christmas. He was here only a few hours when our beloved Boxer, Phee, walked outside, collapsed, and was gone immediately.
We rescued Phee 5 years ago, when our Boxer boy was getting up there in years. When he passed away, SHE saved ME. I had a reason to get out of bed every day. Keep in mind, I am very happily married and 2 wonderful grown boys, but I needed HER to take care of. She and I have been inseparable. She would come to work with me at our family business, she’d stay on the boat with us, everything. Now she’s just gone – with no warning – poof. This just happened 2 days ago and I am totally devastated. And my house feels like an empty shell. I think I am even in denial still – HOW could this happen to a healthy dog? Our vet thinks it was a catastrophic event, like an aneurysm. I see and feel her everywhere, and the pain is simply unbearable.
I know I will want another dog – this is a NEED, not a want. But we will wait til the time is right. I know this will get easier, but right now, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t breathe. I am just engulfed in her loss. I don’t even know what to do with myself, Honey.
I am so sorry I am so tardy in answering you. You are grieving over a great loss and you know it is a natural expression of a love so great and dear. I felt the same way you did and so did my ultimate concierge. We sobbed and sobbed over the loss of Orchid. I have her aches, a lock of her hair, her dog tags and her paw print on a beautiful tray. Many people wait or never bring a new pooch home. My ultimate concierge and i felt differently. In honor of the joy and love Orchid gave us we now have, America. I feel so happy that we did what we did. And, I tell Orchid it is because of how happy she made me, I wanted another pooch and now I am blessed with America. You need another pooch, I know. Never feel guilty. Take your time to mourn and then make your decision.Warmly, Honey
Hi Honey. I just had to put my little guy, Pico, down 2 days ago. He was a 14-15 year old (he was a rescue) chestnut chiweenie with a white chest and white paws. He was so stinking cute and what a personality. My husband and I are just devastated. He was my little buddy. He would follow me around the house and was always by my side. It took 2 months and 5 vets to figure out that he had a nasal tumor. By that time, he was so weak and could hardly breathe. He was really suffering so we had to let him go. My husband and I feel like if we had known what was wrong earlier that we could have done something. That maybe we could have given him another year but he did have other issues. He was an old dog. Yet, we are feeling really guilty about his last few months. How do we get over that? I miss him so much. He was my little baby.
I know how you are feeling. We kept our Wheaton, Orchid alive for a year thinking we were doing the right thing. I felt awful later on. I realized I should not have tried so hard. I learned a lesson and I do believe Orchid knew why we did what we did. You did not know.Five vets didn’t know! Don’t punish your self. Grieving your loss is enough. In honor of the happiness and joy Orchid gave us we brought America home six or seven months later. I hope I helped. Warmly, Honey
Hello Honey.
I lost my little Chihuahua three months ago in a tragic incident. It was in the evening when I took him on our evening walk which I had done routinely over the 11 plus years that I had him. He was on a lease as I always used on our walks. We were about a block from our house when he was attacked from behind by two German Shepards. I had no time to react as they literally tore this little seven pound dog to pieces. I was both furious and in shock at the sight of seeing his hide lying on the ground. One of the dogs had run away with what was left of my little one. The owner of the two dogs had left the gate open as he was working in his yard. I remember screaming at him in his own yard. What kept me from attacking him I guess is the state of shock I was in. I called the police and a report was filed. The owner appeared in Municipal Court a few weeks later and the two dogs were euthanized and he was fined $800 which was little consolation to my loss. I have since filed a Civil Suit against the owner for the mental anguish this has caused to me.
I have had a very difficult time dealing with this. Some days I am Ok and others are not so good. I find myself unable to talk about him without getting emotional. I think about the attack almost all the time and second guess myself as to what I could have done to protect him.
He was a sweet little dog. I never raised my hand to him or even raised my voice through all the years I had him. He was.my emotional support. Most every evening he was in my lap as we watched TV . He loved being with me and I loved being with him.
He was a possessive little fella and he could smell the scent of other dogs on me as my job involved going into homes and often these homes had dogs. He would avoid me for a little while but we would always reconcile before the night was over.
Lately I have considered getting another chihuahua but I don’t out of respect for his memory. He didn’t want to share me with another dog and all I can envision is his response to another dog in his presence. I know this sounds silly but I had a very emotional attachment to my little guy.
I am wondering if these feelings of depression, loneliness, and anger will subside. It has affected me deeply. I keep wondering why a gentle, loving little dog who never hurt anyone should have to suffer such a violent death.
I have 68 years old and have never endured anything as traumatic as this. I know that my faith in God will get me through this but I believe sharing my experience will help me and possibly others.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Any words of wisdom or encouragement would be much appreciated.
I am so sorry for you and your pooch. I cannot imagine going through your suffering. I do have words of wisdom. You must go out this week and bring home a new pooch. It is a compliment to your pooches memory. He will be smiling down on you. Your feelings of depression and loneliness will vanish when you have a new fur baby to love. I know. Warmly, Honey