When you help a friend through widowhood after her husband’s death, it will be one of the most challenging and compassionate acts you can offer.

Recently, my dear girlfriend lost her husband. While certainly not by choice, she has now entered an unfamiliar and difficult passage of her life. Without her beloved spouse and soulmate, she will have a new lifestyle, and with it comes a new title – she is a widow. I write from a firsthand perspective because once upon a time, I was the owner of that luckless title. I was a widow, and now I need to help a friend through widowhood.

Because of my own experience, I know what she is thinking. I know exactly how she is feeling, and I know how to help her through the healing process. Sadly enough, I know.

After the funeral, she is hit with the finality of her loss. She is a ship without an anchor. No matter what she tells herself or how she prays silently, she knows there is nothing she can do to change her situation. The finality is one of hopelessness and despair.

Understanding the Widowhood Effect

The widowhood effect refers to the increased risk of mortality among older adults who have lost their spouse. This phenomenon has been extensively studied, and research has shown that the risk of death is highest during the first three months after the spouse’s death. The widowhood effect is not limited to physical health; it also has a significant impact on mental health. The loss of a spouse can lead to feelings of loneliness, isolation, and depression, which can further exacerbate the risk of mortality.

3 Essential Tips to Help a Friend Through Spousal Bereavement

Supporting a friend through widowhood is a delicate task. Below are some key ways you can offer support:

Widows often face social challenges related to their new marital status, including economic insecurity and social stigmatization.

#1 Listen Without Offering Advice

Dear readers of mine… there are no words you can say at the beginning to soothe her pain. Silence is golden at this time. I suggest you do what my dear friend Emily did the day of my late husband Michael’s funeral. She walked up to me and putting her hands on my shoulders said, “I am here to listen to you.” That is my only memory of that day. Her words greatly impacted me. She was saying to me, “I am not here to instruct you on anything. I am here to listen to you on everything.”

The strength of her words remains with me decades later.

She did not want to pass on her sound advice. When I was ready, she wanted me to unburden my feelings of loss while she sat and listened. It was loving and considerate, and that is the reason Emily and I, who bonded when we lived in Honolulu, are still girlfriends.

#2 Good Resources to Help a Friend Through Widowhood

The second thing you can do is go on Amazon and buy the first edition of a little book called, “How to Survive the Loss of a Love.“ Send her the book with a loving note. Once again, no words.

Books on grief and healing often draw on principles from health psychology to provide effective coping strategies.

At Michael’s funeral, someone put this little book in my hands. To this day I have no idea who it was, but it saved my sanity and became my life support. I followed its teachings to a “T.” It explained the meaning of loss and informed me of the steps I had to go through in order to recover. It also had a few pages of short poems that touched me, and it became my bible to recovery. Send this book out immediately after your girlfriend’s loss to help a friend through widowhood.

If you or your friend is experiencing widowhood, one of the best resources is my online support group. Widow Support Group: Women Healing Together is a women-only space for solidarity, sisterhood, and support. Come join us.

#3 Include Her in Social Gatherings for Social Support

When she is once again ready to step out into the world, include her with your couple friends. She needs social engagement and she is used to being with couples, not singles. She will be so grateful. Many women will not do this because they are afraid of a single woman’s competition. I know this from my personal experience. Men do not like to include single men either! Even though you are hesitant, step up to the plate because that is the definition of “girlfriend.” This is a crucial way to help a friend through widowhood.

Thoughtful Gifts to Help a Friend Through Widowhood and Support Mental Health

Giving thoughtful gifts can be a meaningful way to show support and help a friend through widowhood. Self-care packages can positively influence health behaviors by encouraging relaxation and stress relief. Here are some ideas:

Self-Care Packages

A self-care package can help your friend take small steps towards healing. Include items like calming teas, scented candles, bath salts, or a cozy blanket. This heavy and cozy Minky Couture throw is my favorite blanket to give to a friend in need of comfort.

Journals and Writing Prompts

Writing can be a therapeutic outlet for someone going through widowhood. A beautifully bound journal can provide a space for your friend to express their emotions. This beautiful Italian journal is a gorgeous gift. It is perfect to send directly to a friend who is grieving as it comes in a gift box!

Books on Grief and Healing

Books that focus on grief, healing, and widowhood can offer guidance and solace. Some titles to consider include “How to Survive the Loss of a Love” and “Option B” by Sheryl Sandberg. These books can help your friend navigate their journey through widowhood with the wisdom of those who have experienced similar losses.

Windchimes

Windchimes are one of my favorite gifts to share with a friend who has suffered a loss. I recommend this windchime gift that includes a card and more.

The Impact on Mental Health

The loss of a spouse can have a profound impact on mental health. The grieving process can be intense and prolonged, leading to feelings of sadness, anxiety, and depression. Women, in particular, are more likely to experience depression and anxiety after the loss of their spouse. The risk of major depression is higher among women who have lost their spouse, especially during the first year of widowhood. Behavioral medicine plays a crucial role in addressing the mental health needs of widows, and healthcare providers should be aware of the increased risk of mental health problems in this population.

Navigating the Practical Aspects

Losing a spouse can be a significant life transition, and navigating the practical aspects of daily life can be challenging. Widows may need to take on new responsibilities, such as managing finances, household chores, and caregiving for family members. Social support from family, friends, and community members can be essential in helping widows cope with these changes. Healthcare providers can also play a critical role in providing guidance and support during this transition.

Empathy: The Best Way to Help a Friend Through Widowhood

After a period of time (it is different for each woman), a widow begins to share her feelings with her girlfriends. While you may not be able to imagine those feelings, it is important to understand them. Spousal bereavement can lead to a range of intense emotions that are important to acknowledge and understand.

Finding Support and Community

Finding support and community is crucial for widows as they navigate the grieving process and adjust to their new life. Support groups, either in-person or online, can provide a safe space for widows to share their experiences and connect with others who have gone through similar situations. Community-based programs and services can also offer practical support, such as meal delivery, transportation, and household assistance. Healthcare providers can help connect widows with these resources and services.

Rebuilding and Finding Meaning

Rebuilding and finding meaning after the loss of a spouse can be a long and challenging process. Widows may need to rediscover their sense of purpose and identity, which can be difficult after a long-term marriage. Engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment, such as hobbies, volunteering, or spending time with loved ones, can help widows rebuild their lives. Healthcare providers can encourage widows to explore these activities and provide support as they navigate this process.

How I Felt During My Husband’s Death

I will share with you my own emotional roller coaster of a year after widowhood, so you will better understand your widowed girlfriend.

• Total lack of concentration. I could not read a book or concentrate enough to watch television.

• I lost weight. Truly, I had no interest in food.

• I was so sad that I cried every day for over a year.

• I felt anger.

• Decision making was impossible.

• I was preoccupied with my thoughts and often off in my own world.

• Getting dressed every day and putting on my lipstick and blush helped me.

• I walked my dog Mahalo, twice a day, four miles each time. It helped me deal with the stress.

• I never stayed in bed.

• Spending time with my daughters was essential.

• I noticed changes in my health behaviors, including a temporary increase in alcohol consumption as a coping mechanism.

Darling, Listen to Her and Love Her

One day, I woke up and couldn’t believe I wanted to re-enter the world of the living. If you help a friend through widowhood, one day she surely will, too.

I hope I have shown you how to help a friend through widowhood. Remember, dear readers, she is fragile. Let her take the lead. Do not pressure her. Just be there to listen.

What tips do you have to help a friend through widowhood?