Being a step-grandmother is a unique and rewarding journey, and this step-grandmother’s guide to success is here to help you navigate it with love and confidence. I know that with an open heart and a little effort, you can build deep, meaningful bonds that transcend the label of “step.”
Think Grand. Act Grand. Be Grand
As a woman over 50, my relationships are a rich tapestry and includes grandkids. I am a “step-grandmother” to several grandchildren. When I remarried after losing my first husband, the package included my “new-found family.” I felt set apart. Twenty-three years later, I am “their grandmother.” I am my daughter-in-law’s second mom, and my natural grandchildren feel no jealousy. How did this happen? Here is my step-grandmothers guide to success.
A Tale of Two Grandmas
I was the granddaughter of a “step-grandmother.” One of my grandmothers passed away before I was born. I loved my “step-grandmother” as much as my biological grandmother. Both were women who loved me unconditionally. Titles meant nothing to me; their actions meant the world.
I had to call my “step-grandmother” Aunt Clara instead of Grandma because my grandfather insisted that all 14 grandchildren respect the memory of our deceased grandmother, the grandmother we never knew.
For over 40 years I did just that. But, in my heart of hearts, I wanted to call her grandma. She was a “granddaughter’s gift.”
One day I whispered in her ear, “I wish I could call you Grandma.” I wanted her to know how much this little girl loved her. She smiled, pulled me to her, and told me she loved me. Little did I know that one day I would bear the title: “Step” Grandmother. But not for long!
The Key to Step-Grandmother Success
Today I am, like many of you, an “Aunt Clara!” A large group of us have step-grandchildren who have a deceased grandmother, no grandmother, or a few biological living grandmothers. We are the outsiders who yearn to be insiders. Right? You will not be thought of as a “step” grandma if you think of your blended grandchildren’s feelings before your own. Don’t be a narcissist. That is the key to a “step” grandmother’s success.
Please don’t feel helpless in your role. Celebrate it. Think Grand! Act Grand! Be Grand! Understand that there is a lot of love to go around. Find your niche with each grandchild. They have different personalities and needs and one ingredient in common: They want to be loved and recognized as special. Make them special. In return, they will make you special.
Make Them Feel Special
Here are some ideas to make your step-grandchildren feel special.
- Listen and Be Present: Show genuine interest in their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Be the person they can talk to without judgment.
- Spend Quality Time Together: Plan special outings or activities that match their interests, whether it’s a trip to the park, a movie night, or baking cookies together.
- Celebrate Their Achievements: Cheer them on at school events, sports games, or personal milestones to show your pride and support.
- Learn About Their Interests: Whether they love dinosaurs, dance, or video games, take the time to learn and engage in what excites them.
- Surprise Them with Thoughtful Gestures: A handwritten note, their favorite snack, or a small gift just because can make them feel special and loved.
- Respect Their Boundaries: Allow them to adjust to the relationship at their own pace, and never force a bond. Trust grows over time.
- Share Family Traditions: Introduce them to your family’s unique customs and create new traditions together that include everyone.
- Be Consistent and Reliable: Show up when you say you will, keep your promises, and be a steady presence in their life.
- Gift Them Stories for My Grandchild: A Grandmother’s Journal: Fill this keepsake with family stories, wisdom, and memories to share a piece of your life and legacy with them.
There are many incredible step-grandmothers in my private Facebook group, Women over 50: Celebrate Visibility. Come join us!
A Simple Recipe
This is my recipe, a step-grandmother’s guide to success: I hug and kiss my grandchildren no matter their age.
When they were younger, I took them to Johnny Rockets for hamburgers and fries, to Ghirardelli’s Chocolate Company and the Dairy Queen for ice cream. Sometimes we would take trips to a museum, a play, or a movie. It’s always a treat when they visit so we can have pizza afterward at Lou Malnati’s or Giordano’s in Chicago. We sit at a round table to discuss the event. I enjoy hiking, biking, and going for walks and talks. I love to travel with my grandchildren. I even email and text with my grandchildren, especially now being so far away. We bond as a family laughing and learning and exploring.
I have shared my family history and the “Aunt Clara” story with my blended grandchildren. I avoid discussing their parents or other grandmothers because I want my grandchildren to see me as their guardian angel. And, I am available to them at a moment’s notice. I am not confrontational nor am I a disciplinarian. I learned “to get it.”
You have your special ingredients! Turn them into a loving recipe for step-grandmother success!
Are you a step-grandmother? Tell me what you have learned or your questions in the comments below.
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It has not been easy for me. They are not very loving children, quite aloof I should say. I have learned to keep my distance to protect myself. I woukd have liked it to be different, but it is what it is.
Thank you so much. Love to have you and your friends. The more the better. Women need women. Warmly, Honey
My son just remarried. She has three boys. When they first met me they called me grandma. I did ask them if they felt comfortable calling me grandma and they were surprised. They said after all you are our grandma now. So sweet. They are 6, 8, and 11.
As a step-grandmother of a 9 year old girl, & a 6 year old boy, how do I approach them both to find things, (i.e., activities, outings, etc.) that I can do with them, without
overwhelming them, or overstepping any boundaries? I really want to be close with them, but they seem to shy away from me more than not…It’s worth mentioning, I have been married to their grandfather since before they were born, & I love them like my own…Any advice would be humbly appreciated. Sincerely, Gramma Ti.
You just have to be ‘you.’Do you tell them how much you love them? If you don’t that may be your answer. Take them for ice cream and a new pair of jeans or buy them a big Mac, french fries, and a milkshake for lunch or take them shopping for a favorite book or toy they want. Ask them. And, most of all hug them to you and express your feelings of how important they are in your life. Warmly, Honey
hi I clicked on your article or your post because I am a step grandma my three granddaughters call me oh Mah oh and I just believe it is so endearing and loving my biggest question is that I don’t really know how to do this grandparent thing as I have no biological children of my own therefore no biological grandchildren.
Just be yourself. That is the secret! There are no rules or regulations on how to be a grandmother. Be open and loving and they will adore your. Warmly, Honey
I have learned the hard way. The only way you get to be a Step Grandma or Grandma
is all about their mother allowing it. And that is a hard, cold fact. And money plays
the star role! Love your pets. Their love is unconditional! Always. Kathleen
I am smiling. Love your pets. There love is unconditional. Agree. Warmly, Honey