A friendship breakup can be incredibly difficult. Here’s how to know you’re doing the right thing.

“People, people who need people, are the luckiest people in the world.” — Barbra Streisand

Understanding Friendship Breakups

Friendship breakups can be a difficult and emotional experience, often leaving individuals feeling lost and uncertain about how to move forward. Unlike romantic breakups, friendship breakups are often not acknowledged or validated, leading to what experts call “disenfranchised grief,” which can significantly impact one’s mental health. This type of grief can be particularly challenging because it lacks the societal support that typically accompanies romantic splits.

Research suggests that it takes a significant amount of time and mutual effort to develop close friendships. Some studies indicate that it can take 40-60 hours to become a casual friend and over 200 hours to become a best friend. Understanding the complexities of friendships and the reasons behind a breakup can help individuals process their emotions and navigate the healing process. So, if you’re feeling lost after a friendship breakup, know that your feelings are valid and that healing takes time.

Common Reasons for Friendship Breakups

Friendship breakups can occur for a variety of reasons, and understanding these can help you make sense of what happened. Here are some common reasons why friendships end:

• Drifting Apart: As we grow and change, our interests and values may no longer align with those of our friends. This natural drift can lead to a gradual separation.
• Lack of Communication: Poor communication or a lack of effort to maintain regular contact can cause a friendship to deteriorate. Without mutual effort, even the strongest bonds can weaken.
• Conflicting Personalities: Differences in personality or behavior can create tension and conflict. Sometimes, these differences become too significant to overlook.
• Life Changes: Significant life changes, such as moving to a new city, starting a new job, or the demands of parenting, can create physical and emotional distance, making it difficult to maintain a friendship.
• Betrayal of Trust: A breach of trust, such as gossiping or sharing confidential information, can be a significant reason for a friendship breakup. Trust is the foundation of any close relationship, and once it’s broken, it can be hard to rebuild.

Understanding these common reasons can help you reflect on your own experiences and perhaps find some closure.

Signs a Friendship is Ending

Recognizing the signs that a friendship is ending can be challenging, but there are often subtle indicators that a relationship is coming to an end. Here are some common signs to watch for:

• Decreased Communication: A significant decrease in regular communication or a lack of effort to initiate contact can be a red flag.
• Lack of Interest: If you notice a lack of interest in each other’s lives, such as not asking questions or showing concern, it may eventually be a sign that the friendship is fading.
• Increased Conflict: An increase in conflicts or disagreements that are not resolved can indicate underlying issues that are straining the relationship.
• Distance: Physical or emotional distance, including a lack of effort to spend time together, can be a sign that the friendship is waning.
• Changes in Behavior: Changes in behavior, such as a lack of reliability or a decrease in emotional support, can signal that the friendship is no longer as strong as it once was.

Being aware of these signs can help you address issues early on or prepare yourself for the possibility that the friendship may be ending.

How to Know When It’s Time for a Friendship Breakup

And that’s why friendships at this age can be a double-edged sword. Friendship can be a delicious experience based on trust, laughter, sharing and caring—or, as many of you may already know, a great big awful, “OUCH.”

I am certain that you, like me, are interested and involved with many different types of women. From the casual relationships with our trusted hairdressers or trainers to the lovely and interesting women from all walks of life that we call close friends, most of us would not be who we are without them and the shared hopes and dreams we’ve experienced together. And we are all grateful for their friendship and the marks they have made on us.

And to the women who have hurt us—I say the same thing! For the truth of the matter is that we would not be who we are today without them and the “ouch” they bestowed on us.

Why? Because each of those painful “ouches” has led us to ask some hard, pointed questions. Was there something we could or should have done differently? Are we choosing the right women to share time and experiences with in our lives?

Many people have realized that the end of a friendship often brings moments of clarity about the relationship’s true nature. More significantly, what did we learn from our “ouch?” How did we react to it? Simply put, our “ouches” leave us with learnings that force us to grow and change.

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When It Rains, It Pours

Up until my sixties, I was one lucky woman. I experienced no “ouches” with dear friends. And then the rains came pouring down. At the time, I didn’t know how to react to the rain except to feel betrayed and lose my trust in women. I used to assume that when you have a blowup with a friend, you could sit down and work things out, but I felt deeply betrayed when that didn’t happen, similar to the feelings one might experience after a romantic breakup. Boy, was I wrong.

I wondered, “Why now? We should be past these petty indignities to each other.”

After much introspection, I have come to see that until a certain age, so many of us are truly busy with young families and demanding jobs. And we don’t have time to be anything but nice.

But that changes when we have time on our hands, our hormones change, the aging factor kicks in and we start worrying about who has this and who has that because we look back and take stock of things. It’s a recipe for JEALOUSY. And some women revert to intimidation and downright meanness.

I know I was naïve because I was untouched by any negative emotions from friends until then. Unfortunately, things have changed since that time and left me shell shocked.

One of my very dearest friends shocked me into reality when she said, “If you don’t expect anything from anyone, you will never be disappointed.” I don’t come from that school of thought, but her comment did help me. I no longer expect anything. And I feel better. Why? Because I get it that women have so much on their plates with their private situations. So, be careful when you’re feeling hurt and don’t overreact.

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How I Feel Today

But what about my “ouches?”

Am I bitter? Maybe a little.

Was it painful? Yes.

Did I retaliate? No.

Did I talk to other women about what happened? No!

Am I leery of women now? Yes.

Am I saddened that I have to feel leery? Yes!

Will the feeling of being leery ever go away? Yes!

So what’s the deal when you face a blowup? First you have to decide if you want it to be a break-up or just a blowup. Do you want to try and take your time to pursue the relationship and keep the conversation open in order to resolve the problem? Or do you want to delete the woman (read this story if you’re on the fence) (or women) who hurt you, from your life?

In my three negative exchanges, I decided I did not want two of these women in my life and I deleted them. I weighed my options. I held the reins. And this is what I’ve learned. While the pain of a friendship breakup is real and feels like a punch to the gut, it also opens up possibilities for new relationships and experiences in the future.

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Coping with the Loss of a Best Friend

Losing a best friend can feel like a punch to the gut, leaving you reeling with a mix of emotions. It’s essential to acknowledge these feelings and give yourself the grace to grieve. Here are some tips to help you cope with the loss of a best friend:

1. Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions: It’s perfectly normal to feel a whirlwind of emotions—sadness, anger, hurt. Give yourself permission to process these feelings. Bottling them up will only prolong the healing process.
2. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to other friends, family members, or even a therapist. Emotional support from those who care about you can provide a comforting shoulder to lean on during this tough time.
3. Take Care of Yourself: Engage in self-care activities that bring you comfort and relaxation. Whether it’s a brisk walk, meditation, or diving into a hobby you love, taking care of yourself is crucial.
4. Reflect on the Friendship: Spend some time thinking about both the good and bad times in your friendship. Reflecting on the experience can help you gain closure and a better understanding of what happened.
5. Create a New Routine: Sometimes, a change in routine can help you move on. Try new activities, join a club or group that aligns with your interests, or take up a new hobby. This can help you focus on the future rather than dwelling on the past.

When Faced with a Friendship Breakup, Do Damage Control

Friendship breakups can happen unexpectedly, and it’s important to do damage control when they do, especially if the breakup involved a significant fight. This is an important step. I think of it as putting myself on the witness stand. You should, too.

1. Ask yourself, what was my role in the blowup? What was her role?

Do some serious soul-searching and wonder about your role in the blowup. Ask yourself, what was my role in the blowup? What was her role? Could she’d have done something differently? Put your thinking cap on. Do you want to recoup?

2. Then ask yourself, “Do I really care if the other person derails our friendship? Did I say something to my friend that was justified to cause her wrath?”

If the answer is no, I suggest you move on.

If the answer is yes, try and make amends by talking in a face-to-face conversation. Not by text, email, a note in the mail, or over the phone. Only in person. Validate her feelings. Don’t be defensive. I believe in the importance of frankness between friends. And, as my father taught me: take the high road, be the bigger person.

3. Ask yourself: Can I let go of my hurt and my anger?

I have a best friend. We became friends when we were six years old. We have had words. Not many, but words that cut communication off for a time. One of us always calls the other. We have the ability to place our relationship over our hurt and stop feeling angry. If you respect and love your girlfriend—make the first move. Don’t stand on ceremony.

4. Remember this: you are not alone in getting an “ouch” from a so-called friend.

Don’t believe in all the myths of women and friendship because society creates an unrealistic and overly romanticized idea of what it means to have a friend and be a friend. Move on. Learn from your experience. Be more critical of who ‘you choose’ to have in your life after 50. And choose to be friends with women that have real inner beauty, dear readers, especially as you navigate the complexities of friendships in adulthood.

5. And last but not least, reach out to your children and their children, your treasured grands.

They will value your advice, especially as they navigate the challenges of raising their own kids. Remember—they are facing your problems at their early age, and will benefit from your hindsight, wisdom, and even-tempered approach to this problem, especially as they navigate the challenges of raising their own babies.

Dealing with Mutual Friends

Navigating relationships with mutual friends after a friendship breakup can be tricky, especially if the breakup was acrimonious and impacts other relationships in your life. Here are some tips to help you manage this delicate situation:

• Communicate Openly: Be honest and open with mutual friends about the breakup and your feelings. This can help prevent misunderstandings and ensure that everyone is on the same page.
• Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries and expectations for how you would like to interact with mutual friends. This can help you maintain your own emotional well-being.
• Respect Their Feelings: Respect the feelings and opinions of mutual friends, even if they differ from your own. Remember, they may be navigating their own emotions and loyalties.
• Focus on Shared Interests: Focus on the shared interests and activities that brought you together with mutual friends in the first place. This can help maintain those relationships despite the breakup.

By handling mutual friends with care and consideration, you can navigate this challenging time with grace and respect.

Rebuilding Your Social Circle

Rebuilding your social circle after a friendship breakup can take time and effort, but it is an important step in moving forward and making new friends. Here are some tips to help you rebuild your social circle:

• Join a Club or Group: Join a club or group that aligns with your interests and values. This can be a great way to meet new people who share your passions.
• Attend Events: Attend events and gatherings that provide opportunities to meet new people. Whether it’s a community event or a social gathering, putting yourself out there can help you expand your social circle.
• Volunteer: Volunteer for a cause or organization that you are passionate about. This not only allows you to give back but also connects you with like-minded individuals.
• Reach Out to Acquaintances: Reach out to acquaintances or friends of friends to expand your social circle. Sometimes, the best friendships start from a simple introduction.
• Be Patient: Be patient and allow yourself time to heal and rebuild your social circle. Building meaningful relationships takes time, so give yourself grace during this process.

By taking proactive steps to rebuild your social circle, you can create new, fulfilling friendships that enrich your life.

Learning from the Experience

A friendship breakup, while painful, can be a valuable learning experience. Here are some lessons you can take away from it:

1. Identify Red Flags: Reflect on the friendship and identify any red flags or warning signs that you may have overlooked. This can help you make better choices in future relationships.
2. Set Boundaries: Learn to set healthy boundaries in your relationships. Clear boundaries can prevent misunderstandings and ensure that your needs are respected.
3. Communicate Effectively: Practice effective communication skills. Being able to express your feelings and needs clearly can strengthen your relationships and prevent future conflicts.
4. Prioritize Self-Care: Always prioritize your own needs and well-being. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary for maintaining healthy relationships.
5. Cultivate Empathy: Practice empathy and understanding towards others. Try to see things from their perspective, which can help you navigate conflicts more gracefully.

Moving On

Moving on from a friendship breakup can be challenging, but focusing on the future is essential. Here are some tips to help you move forward:

1. Focus on the Present: Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on the present moment. What can you do today to move forward? Mindfulness practices can help you stay grounded.
2. Create New Connections: Reach out to new people and create new connections. Join a club or group that aligns with your interests, or attend social events. Expanding your social circle can bring new, fulfilling relationships into your life.
3. Try New Things: Explore new activities, hobbies, or interests. Discovering new passions can be incredibly rewarding and can help you move on from the past.
4. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind and compassionate towards yourself. Healing takes time, and it’s okay to have ups and downs. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a good friend.
5. Celebrate Your Independence: Embrace your independence and the freedom to create new relationships and experiences. Celebrate the new opportunities that come your way.

Creating a Support Network

Creating a support network is crucial for healing and moving on from a friendship breakup. Here are some tips to help you build a strong support system:

1. Reach Out to Friends and Family: Lean on your friends and family members for emotional support and guidance. They can provide a listening ear and valuable advice.
2. Join a Support Group: Consider joining a support group or online community where you can connect with others who have experienced similar situations. Sharing your story and hearing others’ can be incredibly validating.
3. Seek Professional Help: If you’re struggling to cope, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide expert guidance and support tailored to your needs.
4. Connect with Others: Engage with people who share similar interests and passions. Join a club or group that aligns with your interests. Building connections based on common interests can lead to meaningful friendships.
5. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize self-care and engage in activities that bring you comfort and relaxation. Taking care of your mental and emotional well-being is essential for healing.

By taking these steps, you can create a robust support network that will help you navigate the challenges of a friendship breakup and move forward with confidence.

HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED A FRIENDSHIP BREAKUP? HOW DID IT GO? LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS BELOW. I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU! 

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