Happy Grandparent’s Day to All the Fortunate Grandmothers Worldwide

I don’t know your name, but I know many of your titles. You are Grandma, Gigi, Nanny, Yaya, Abuelita, Geema, and Mimi. I am Honey to my grands. May your day be sprinkled with love and pure happiness.

Like myself, you are a modern grandmother. You are a giver of kisses, a provider of treats, and a source of unconditional love and solace. I have always said that the greatest gifts we leave our grands are the lessons we leave them in their heads and the love we shower over them.

My keepsake journal Stories for my Grandchild makes a great gift to share your unique story with your grandchild. Grab your copy here.

*Affiliate Disclosure

A Sad Note on Estrangement and Estranged Grandmothers

Did you know that 67 million parents in the USA are estranged from their adult children? This staggering figure comes from Karl Pillemer’s book Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them.

Sweet reader, many of them are grandmothers.

I recall my past Grandparent’s Days when our families (a blended family) spent the occasion together. I also recall when we could not spend Grandparent’s Day together, but all our children and grandchildren never forgot to remember. Little presents arrived at our condo, and our mailman filled the mailbox with regular mail and envelopes every grandmother longs for, each one filled with loving cards or notes. Those were the days.

I have saved every loving card and note and carefully put them in my memory drawer. Every gift sits front and center on my memory shelf in my office.

I received turtles because I collect them, and lots of hearts, some colorful, some with sayings, or very personal gifts that were hand-made or bought with a special message, including magic wands.

The Unfortunate Impact of Estrangement on Grandmothers

Estrangement does not happen only to bad mothers. Quite the contrary. It happens to good mothers and grandmothers for several reasons that I am not going to discuss in this story. You can learn more about this epidemic by downloading my free eBook here.

 

It is unfortunate that on this upcoming Grandparent’s Day, hundreds of thousands of grandmothers, like myself, will not celebrate with their families or find loving notes in their mailboxes. All this suffering is because their estranged adult children have decided they don’t want their normal and good mothers, who are the grandmothers to their children, in their lives! Can you imagine? They prevent their children from celebrating with their grandmas.

Grandparents and grandchildren have been wrongfully alienated from one another and are the unwitting victims of unwarranted adult-child estrangement. I, like my alienated sisters, live with this pain. Read more about my story here.

By the tens of thousands, adult children are estranging themselves from their parents and taking their children, our grandchildren, with them. Yes, sweet reader, estranged adult children syndrome is a silent epidemic and on the rise in the United States—unfortunately, these adults, more often than not, take away all grandparenting privileges. To be forthright with my opinion – I call this gaslighting.

Living with Pain as an Estranged Grandmother

I am one of those grandmothers. I am one of the hundreds of thousands of grandmothers who spend Grandparent’s Day and, in my case, every day with a sense of profound loss. To be open with you, sweet reader, I grieve.

 

How I Will Spend This Grandparent’s Day as an Estranged Grandmother

I will celebrate this Grandparent’s Day with my ultimate concierge’s family. I feel 100% part of their fun-loving clan. My daughter-in-law, Jami Good, is flying into Chicago from Idaho too. I love her. I am fortunate to have the love and affection of my husband’s family.

It matters not to me that we are a blended family. I love my husband’s grandsons. They are mine, and there is nothing I would not do for them. They are the ‘Good Boys!’ They are better than good! They shower me with love and respect. They share their problems and welcome my thoughts. They have my love and devotion. Our bond is rooted in respect, love, and caring for one another. The Good family, my family, brings immense joy. I am blessed.

I will miss spending this Sunday with them. The reason we will not be together is location. They live in Texas, New York, and California.

On another note, I will miss spending Grandparent’s Day with my daughters, sons-in-law, and grandchildren. The reason has nothing to do with miles. It is estrangement.

Estrangement Happens to Good Mothers

This post is dedicated to the remarkable, loving, estranged grandmothers who show incredible resilience and strength despite their challenges. Their ability to endure and continue to work on finding unwavering self-empowerment is genuinely inspiring. I know their pain; I feel their pain because I am in the same pain.

My dedication to this cause inspired me to activate a private Facebook community for estranged mothers and grandmothers. In four months, the community has grown to nearly 14,000 mothers and grandmothers, and the number of members is growing extensively by the hundreds every month. I named my private community Estranged Mothers and Grandmothers: Millions Strong.

This group is made up of good mothers and grandmothers. It provides a safe space for estranged mothers and grandmothers to share and open up about their stories, a testament to their strength and resilience. The interaction between the lovely mothers and grandmothers is electrifying. There is constant back-and-forth communication. They help and advise one another. The group members seek solutions from their sisters and support one another. They teach each other how to cope while never giving up hope; I have learned much from this wise group of women. This community is a beacon of support and understanding, and I am proud to be its founder.

How Do Adult Children Feel After Estrangement?

I am not a psychologist or a therapist. Instead, I am a mother and grandmother who lives in this horror story. I know how I am feeling, but I often wonder how my daughters are feeling. I think that while estranged adult children believe that no contact is the solution, they find out that the emotional turmoil that accompanies their act will soon disabuse them of the idea. Estrangement can’t heal them. It can give them respite, some breathing room, but it does not resolve their conflict, their loss, their psychological anguish.

I don’t believe that estrangement solves the problem of ‘acting in one’s best interest’ just because the person’s recognition of their emotional pain provokes them to jump ship. There is another side to the coin: They need their mother’s love and approval.

What Is the Answer?

Every story has two sides, and every story has a personal side, so my answer must be that of a generalist. To be blunt, I don’t know! Every grandmother’s story is different.

I am happy to pass on my ‘do knows’ to you.

• Reconciling: I know that the need for reconciliation has to come from the adult child. How can they be reached? I have not found my answer.
• Apologizing: I have found that apologizing does not work in my case or the case of the 14,000 members of my private group.
• Grief: Lastly, it is essential to grieve loss. This type of loss is taxing because it is not a normal death. It is an emotional death. How can we accept the last step of the grieving process when our family is alive? Though I have tried, I cannot accept my loss. I have learned (through my group comments) that several mothers who are grandmothers say, “Goodbye. You don’t want me in your life. I have tried to reconcile with you. I will live the rest of my life to the fullest.” They have accepted their loss. So, it is doable for some grandmothers. My 9-phase course can help estranged mothers and grandmothers walk the path of grief and create pathways to thrive. You can find the course here.

In my case, I have tried that approach but to no avail. I cannot accept that I have lost my family. Through my grief I yearn for them and miss my grandchildren. I think about the years they have lost having a grandmother, and the years I have lost being their grandmother. I miss my daughters.

Surrendering to Positivity

On a very positive note, I have surrendered to the toxicity of estrangement by filling my time with positive and stimulating projects that speak to my inner being and give me great satisfaction. I am a writer, I journal, I run a company, I have friends, I am putting my creative juices to work, and I am giving back to projects that I feel passionate about. I am, and will always be, an optimist about everything, including reconciliation.

Hiding from Estrangement?

One in four families in the USA is living with estrangement. As a mother and grandmother, I don’t hide from the estranged mother and grandmother label. Other people can label me, but they will never enable me. I often wonder what goes on in their lives with their family members. They all remain silent. That is their choice.

I would like to tell the women who know women suffering from estrangement: Please don’t judge them. I implore you to embrace them. They need you to listen. They need your companionship.

Happy Grandparent’s Day to all the Matriarchs

On that note, Happy Grandparent’s Day to all grandmothers. You deserve to be honored because, whether in sight or not, you are the matriarchs of your family. Estrangement cannot take away your title. Amen. Amen.

How are you honoring Grandparent’s Day? Tell me about your plans in the comments!

Honey Good is a mentor for women, empowering them to live vibrant and visible lives after 50. For more insight into her daily life, plus tips and tricks, follow her on Instagram @iamhoneygood. To inquire about working with Honey, please email her at collabs@honeygood.com.

*Honey Good may receive a small commission for items purchased through links on this page. This helps with the cost of maintaining this site and is at no additional cost to you.