Two universal denominators that all women have in common are plain and wonderfully simple:

Women are collectors of keepsakes.

And, women need women.

And that is the reason collecting objects, female acquaintances, and close friends feeds a woman’s soul.

Why I Consider Myself a World-Class Collector

If I had to make a statement on why I consider myself a world-class collector, I would say, “I have a need and desire to have all types of women in my life to help me bloom spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally. And I have a thirst for sentimental objects because they are keepsakes that touch the core of my inner feelings. With both, I feel whole.”

However, I am not a person who enjoys clutter, nor am I a hoarder. Yet, I do collect select books and select sentimental keepsakes. Why do I collect? Well, for personal happiness. I am sure you feel as I do. Darling, the importance of collecting has to do with personal joy.

Most women are very sentimental and I am one of those women. My home shows it!

Even though I am estranged from my adult children and grandchildren due to emotional abuse, family keepsakes are everywhere because the feeling of family is very dear to me. I walk by family heirlooms from my mom, dad, grandmas, aunts, grandchildren, children, and friends every day. The feelings of joy and sentiment fill me when my eye rests on a memento.

I never purposely started collecting. Except for family keepsakes, my collecting always started with one piece that brought joy. But one piece led to another and over time I had a collection that brought great personal happiness. My reward? Simple pleasure.

Finding Joy in Everyday Work

Finding joy in everyday work can be a powerful antidote to the emotional challenges of family estrangement. When we immerse ourselves in our careers and personal growth, we redirect our emotional energy away from the stress and anxiety of family conflicts. Engaging in meaningful work not only provides a sense of purpose but also helps us build an identity that stands independent of our family relationships.

Research has shown that people who find fulfillment in their work are more likely to experience overall happiness. By focusing on our professional achievements and personal development, we create a sanctuary of joy and satisfaction that can buffer us against the emotional turbulence of familial estrangement. So, darling, let your work be a source of pride and joy, a testament to your resilience and strength.

Collecting Storybook Dolls

Where did my love of collecting come from? At a very early age, I realized the emotional joy I received as I gathered my first collection of Storybook Dolls. One of my grandfathers was a world traveler with 14 grandchildren. He always remembered to bring each of us a small gift. My first gift was a Storybook Doll from Italy.

I told my grandfather how much I loved her, and thereafter, he gifted me with dollies from different countries around the world. Before long, I had shelves in my bedroom for my dollies and I would dream of visiting their countries to learn their customs. I have had the good fortune to do just that.

As I write this story I am saddened that I have not had the opportunity to share travels with my grandchildren and collect mementos along the way. It is a loss for them and a loss for me that they are entwined in the estrangement syndrome because my memories of my grandfather have played a part of my history.

Collecting My Thoughts

My next collection was a collection of thoughts. It is not easy to grow up. This was a time in my young life to gather my thoughts in a diary.

One diary led to another diary throughout my junior high and high school years. My diary became my friend. Each nightly entry began with, “Dear Diary”, and ended with, “Goodnight, Dear Diary.” I wrote in my diaries until I left for college. Unfortunately, when my parents downsized, my mother threw my diaries and my Storybook Dolls away while I was in college. I remember feeling heartbroken and wondered, “How could she?”

Gathering Women in My Life

An Early Start with Younger Generations

As a young girl, my parents decided I would spend my summers at an eight-week camp. I started my camping journey in Wisconsin and when I was twelve my parents sent me to a new camp in Maine. I loved camp!

My bunk mate turned out to be Jeannie Phillips, Dear Abby’s daughter, who now writes her late mother’s column. She was shy. She loved to draw. We became close friends. She remembers to this day that I protected her from the other girls in our cabin who were catty. We spoke by phone a few years ago and I was shocked when she told me I was the best friend she has had in her life. I think I will call her this Sunday morning.

College Friends

In college, I joined a sorority and started gathering friends from all over the United States. I recall my first meet-up with a girl from L.A., her name was Anita. I remember saying in a very drama-rama way, “You’re from L.A.!?!?” She had short platinum-colored hair and wore shocking pink fingernail and toenail polish. She was very nice.

As a young girl from the small town of Kankakee by the Sea, a girl from L.A. was a big deal! I was probably a big deal to her; a small-town girl whose hair was a natural chestnut color and wore clear fingernail and toenail polish! We remained friends through school.

Opposites Attract

I also met Barbara as a Freshman in History 101. We were opposites. She was studious. I was social. I recall with fond memories how we met. We sat next to one another in the large lecture hall; she was a plain Jane with a brilliant mind. I noticed her ability to record the professor’s lecture. Her outline was perfect. After class, I complimented her on this feat and asked if she would mind teaching a small-town girl from Kankakee by the Sea. We found out we lived in the same dorm.

She taught me how to study and write a ‘mean outline.’ And, I taught her how to put on makeup, style her hair, and add some ‘glam’ in her life! We were constantly in conversation, asking one another questions because we piqued each other’s fancy. I realized, as an 18-year-old, fresh out of a small town, that I enjoyed spending time with girls who had other thoughts and goals from mine.

Spending time with women was something I enjoyed. I learned from them, shared secrets with them, and — though I did not realize it — I was gaining a sense of what type of girlfriend I wanted to gather into my collection box of friends.

A Group Setting in Honolulu

When I moved to Honolulu, I joined my first women’s group. Not a clique but a group of several women with the same interest but had different personalities and led different lifestyles.

I loved the group setting because the women were from all walks of life, different ages and nationalities, some married with children, some single, some career-minded, and some homemakers. We all gathered together to work for a common goal. To this day, I have kept in contact with some.

My International Collection of Friends and Extended Family

When I married my ultimate concierge, he belonged to a large international real estate group out of Paris, France. Suddenly, and to my great joy, I had a group of women friends from around the world. I was in my glory collecting new friends and gathering them around me.

These women have been friends of mine going on 30 years. We are a group so diverse that it is magical. I cannot begin to express how blessed I am to have them in my life.

Groups and Collections

From my group of Storybook Dolls to my groups of real life “dolls,” I have gathered women from all walks of life. It is ironic that my group of international dolls grew into international friends. I love when life comes full circle.

Starting My Own Groups for Personal Growth

When the New York Times approached me to write an article on multigenerational groups, I was beyond thrilled. I collected a group of women who knew me but were not friends with one another. So, I gathered women from the age of 28 to 97-years-old, with diverse careers and lifestyles and invited them to my home. From politician to dog walker. After a two-hour discussion, the women bonded and did not want the evening to end. They begged me to meet again.

My ultimate concierge and I lived in California during the winter. I started a group for women to meet at my house to discuss issues confronting them after the age of 50. We met, until my hubby and I moved, once a month for three or four years.

After moving away, I realized how much being part of a group meant to me. Especially when looking back over my life and realizing the collection I had collected. Being part of a group of women brings me a sense of warmth that I cannot get anywhere else. This is what led me to start my Facebook groups

Today, I have three private Facebook Groups and my website for women over 50. My website, HoneyGood.com, is something I think about as my diary or journal. Only, instead of sharing my thoughts with my “Dear Diary,” I share them with you. And though I know only a handful of you, this group of women has become my friends through words. I am so blessed with this collection.

Come find your supportive community of women! Join these private Facebook groups:

🌻 Women over 50: Celebrate Visibility

🌹 Widow Support Group: Women Healing Together

🌷 Estranged Mothers and Grandmothers: Millions Strong

Overcoming Family Estrangement

Overcoming family estrangement is a journey that requires patience, effort, and a willingness to confront painful emotions. The first step is to acknowledge the hurt and pain caused by the estrangement. This can be a daunting process, but it is essential for healing and moving forward.

Seeking support from other family members, friends, or a therapist can provide a safe space to process these emotions. By sharing our feelings and gaining insights into our family dynamics, we can begin to understand the root causes of the estrangement. This understanding is crucial for healing and personal growth. Remember, darling, you are not alone in this journey. Lean on your support system and take it one step at a time.

Prioritizing Mental Health

Prioritizing mental health is crucial for anyone experiencing family estrangement. The emotional toll of estrangement can be overwhelming, making it essential to take proactive steps to care for our mental well-being. This might involve seeking therapy, practicing self-care, and engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation.

Therapy can provide a safe space to explore and process complex emotions, while self-care practices like meditation, exercise, and hobbies can help restore balance and peace. By prioritizing our mental health, we equip ourselves with the tools to navigate the challenges of family estrangement and improve our overall well-being. Remember, darling, your mental health is a precious asset. Nurture it with the care it deserves.

Letting Go of Toxic Relationships

Letting go of toxic relationships is often a necessary step in overcoming family estrangement. When we are entangled in relationships that are harmful or abusive, it becomes challenging to maintain our emotional well-being. Setting boundaries or distancing ourselves from toxic individuals is essential for protecting our mental and emotional health.

This process can be incredibly difficult, especially when it involves family members. However, it is a vital step towards healing and reclaiming our peace. By letting go of toxic relationships, we create space for healthier, more supportive connections. Remember, darling, you deserve relationships that uplift and nurture you. Don’t be afraid to protect your well-being.

My Favorite Type of Collection – Family

While family estrangement can be a painful experience, it’s important to remember that family relationships can also be a source of immense joy and connection. By focusing on the positive aspects of our family relationships and nurturing those connections, we can build stronger, more resilient bonds.

Engaging in activities and traditions that bring joy, practicing empathy and understanding, and communicating openly and honestly with our loved ones can help strengthen these relationships. Despite the challenges, the love and support of family can be a powerful force for happiness and fulfillment. So, darling, cherish the moments of joy and connection with your family, and let them be a source of strength and comfort.

Reflections on Good Parenting

Good parenting is the cornerstone of strong, healthy family relationships. When parents prioritize their children’s emotional well-being, provide a stable and loving environment, and model healthy communication and conflict resolution skills, they set the foundation for their children to grow into happy, well-adjusted adults.

Reflecting on our own parenting styles and seeking support when needed can help us create a more positive and supportive family environment. This might involve seeking therapy, reading parenting books, or engaging in parenting support groups. By striving to be the best parents we can be, we contribute to the overall health and happiness of our family system. Remember, darling, good parenting is a journey of love, patience, and continuous learning.

My Favorite Type of Collection – Family Relationships

After much thought I would say that family is my favorite type of collection. The family group in my mind, even with its flaws, is the most important group because I recall as a young girl it boosted my self-confidence and I felt loved. To this day they are the pillars of my strength. I learned the values of tradition, love, honesty, and the wonderful feeling of giving back.

I am an estranged mother and grandmother who feels the tremendous loss of family because I grew up with close family ties. Family ties boost optimism, positivity, and mental health. Strained relationships with one or both parents can deeply affect family dynamics. The family is a source of protection from the storm. Without the family tribe every estranged mother and grandmother suffer a toll.

Though I am continually heartbroken by this loss, I can’t help but find joy in memories and optimism for the future. Substance abuse has been a significant cause of estrangement in many families, leading to long-lasting rifts. Positivity is one of my gifts that I thank God for. A positive attitude can conquer many things, and, luckily, it’s something that can be learned if you don’t come by it easily.

It is important to find a new family to replace the loss of estranged family, including extended family members. This is not easy. But, in time, if you are aware of this option it is possible. It can be a set of close friends or even a group you support. Over time I’ve come to think that one has to fall into one by chance. I hope I do. I hope you do. Amen.

Who are the women who have shaped your life? Who are the women you turn to for support and inspiration? Please share with me in the comments below.