I love the month of May, defining it as the ‘month of rebirth’ because I notice the flowers bursting out in color, the grass turning a vibrant green, and the limbs of the trees disappearing as new fresh leaves burst out in bloom.
It is also nice to see the hired window dresser changing the store’s front windows by shedding the mannequin’s dark winter outfits for summer’s vibrant fashions. I am divinely happy as I stroll down Michigan Avenue, wearing my new bright spring nail polish and newly purchased red lipstick!
A Turn for the Worst
And then one day later, in the merry month of May, I am faced head-on with an unexpected confrontation and altercation that came out of nowhere. I am caught off guard and emotionally wounded. No longer feel merry, I feel a mix of sadness and profound anger.
I knew in my heart and mind how to handle the confrontation but my emotions overcame me, and I allowed myself to lose control, not with harsh words but by my actions.
I asked myself, “Why did I let this happen? Why did I allow myself to fall into the trap of using poor judgment?”
I had the intellectual knowledge, darlings, to know what to do… but I lacked the skills to stop myself.
Have You Been There, Darlings?
I know my words ring a bell with you because we all fall into this trap. Our emotions override our intelligence.
And then serendipitously, on my birthday, I received my number one birthday present of 2018.
I attended to a birthday lunch. Over a delicious meal and conversation, my very close friend, Gail, a coach and consultant, educated me on the skills I needed to handle the issue of unexpected confrontation or altercation. I carried home, in my head, her birthday gift… a tutorial.
Now I Will Share With You!
Gail explained, “When a person is confronted with an unexpected confrontation (a hostile or argumentative situation) or altercation (a noisy argument or disagreement in public) her emotional state goes into a negative mode that lacks clear thinking.”
She went on, “This problem is so relevant to our well being that life coaches teach a course on confrontation and altercations. It is called: The Three Rs.”
~ RESISTANCE
~ RESENTMENT
~ REVENGE
The Three Rs
We must RESIST our temptation to retaliate when confronted. Why? We want to avoid moving into phase 2, resentment, and phase 3, revenge. Resistance takes a person to use her clear thinking.
When you are confronted, RESIST; take a deep breath and think.
Imagine the doom and gloom you will face when you are unable to RESIST the temptation to strike back. The consequences are significant and not worth an outburst on your part.
The three Rs course teaches us to avoid, at all costs, moving into resentment and revenge. So when confronted, remember the word RESISTANCE.
It is a big challenge, darlings. We won’t succeed 100%. But try. Do try. So will I.
I must thank Gail, who owns The Gail Connection, for her wisdom.
Please share your thoughts on these confrontation techniques or your own either in the comments below or on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
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That is such good advice and so very hard to do! The best we can do is try. Emotionally I am always tempted to strike back. I have really been mindful of taking a step back, venting to myself first and then really analyzing the best approach. Not always easy though.
it is not easy to always step back. My father taught me to take the high road because you are on a higher emotional level than the person you are having a confrontation with. You are right. Warmly, Honey
Dear Honey,
Oh Boy! I understand when conflict like this happens out of nowhere. Things seem to be going merrily along when we are suddenly taken by surprise.. Self reflection sets in and it can be painful.!
I love the advice to RESIST. So important to remember. Now I hope I can resist the temptation to be too hard on myself for my part in a hurtful confrontation. It’s easy to turn on oneself too!
Knowing you are a person who sees the good in most things I bet you will come out on the positive side of this.
Thank You and Gail for the wise words. I’ll keep them close.
Susan
I am glad you will keep the three R’s close.it will benefit you every time you are taken by surprise. Warmly, Honey
I don’t like confrontation at all…I’m usually the peacekeeper. When it happens, I try to take a deep breath and remind myself that the person is probably having a bad day. I work in customer service and had a customer that was just plain ugly & rude. But, I succeeded in trying to appease her the best way I could. Although, she ruined the rest of my day. I just don’t understand why some people do this to another person.
Well, about a week later, that same customer came back to apologize to me! She said she wasn’t feeling well that day and told me she appreciated my kindness. Yay! Guess I succeeded in using “resistance” that day!
You did 100 percent and that is what makes you feel good about you. Warmly, Honey
I need to know what to do after the Resist part.
There are still going to be my feelings to deal with.
Please do continue this topic.
Ok. I will try and expand on the 3R’s. When you resist, you are emotionally powerful. You will feel good about yourself. More on the topic later. Warmly, Honey
Thank you for sharing Gail’s sage advice!
How true it is and if we could be strong enough to use it, the world would be a far better place!
You are so right and…she is so wise. Hope all is well. xo
I too take the “flight” instead of “fight” concept. I always think that is takes less time in the long run to not strike back, whatever the reason.
I too have been in customer service, dealing with customers who are terrible. And they too have returned to the scene of their crime and offered their apologies.
I am glad that they returned to the scene of their crime. I think they did that because of your attitude toward them. Congrats to you for taking the high road. Warmly, Honey