Millions of women’s lives turn on a dime when illness strikes their spouse or partner. It is a heartbreaking and shattering experience, emotionally debilitating to watch one’s partner struggle. It’s a game-changer to suddenly have a new title—Florence Nightingale—and the time to put the medal to the pedal with all her love, intelligence, and time.

I am one of these women. How have I handled my new role? I have found solace in solitary pleasure.

What Started My Pursuit of Solitary Pleasure?

Many of you don’t know that I have spent almost a year alone in my condo-in-the-sky with my ultimate concierge because he is ill. Unexpected change is part of one’s life journey. Most times, it’s great, but there are times when we have to pull out our internal resources in order to survive. And, it is very hard.

“I’ve learned that a woman can shift from a life of grandeur to a life of semi-seclusion and be happy because her new friend is herself. It allows her uninterrupted time to think, daydream, process, and ultimately grow. And isn’t a woman’s life about growing and blooming?” — Honey Good

My role as Florence Nightingale has been an eye-opening experience. My lifestyle with my ultimate concierge has gone from dining in a fabulous bistro in Paris sipping champagne and laughing and sleeping in a gorgeous room at the George Cinq to sitting and sleeping ‘restlessly’ in hospital rooms.

My world has gone from extraordinary to a new type of grandeur—one of solitary pleasure. I have learned, through my solitary alone times over the past year, that a woman’s love for her husband, her will, a positive outlook on life, and her self-proclaimed prophecies can have the ability to see her through the storm.

Though 70 days of the past year were spent sitting in hospitals with my ultimate concierge. Please don’t feel too sorry for me or worry about me too much, because every journey has benefits.

How This Turn in My Life Unfolded

Looking back on my life, one such benefit as a child was observing my parents’ devotion to one another, and this is a primary reason that helps me weather this storm. My mother ‘always’ put my father first. And, vice versa. Therefore, becoming my husband’s Florence Nightingale was natural. I have always been this type of wife, and when illness arose, I rose because not only did my mother walk the walk, but she also talked the talk, telling me the importance of putting one’s spouse above all others.

My husband will not recover. As his devoted Florence Nightingale, I have used every resource to keep his situation stable, and so far, I think I am succeeding. It has not been easy. In fact, it is a hardship watching my vital ultimate concierge deal with illness. My blessing: I have my husband.

I would be deceiving you if I said I am not stressed, exhausted, and, at times, down in the dumps. All loving Florence Nightingales struggle with emotional and physical fatigue.

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Don’t Lie to Yourself

I would be lying if I said I am not tired and exasperated from hearing the music as I wait on the phone for a pharmacy or doctor’s office to pick up. I would be fibbing if I said it was easy sleeping in a chair in hospital rooms, filling pill holders, making physical therapy appointments, and watching my hubby’s every change in mood.

If I said that I slept well at night, I would be lying. I would be lying if I said I did not miss my old life of travel and dinners out with couples and lunches with girlfriends. If I said I knew where all the items were in my closet! I have forgotten because my lifestyle has changed. And this is the moral of it all:

I would be lying to you if I said I am a sinking ship without an anchor. I am an anchor! Most of the time.

Twists and turns are part of a woman’s life, and when life gives you an unexpected jolt— and it will—I encourage every woman, young and older, with a spouse or without, to swim with the tide and never allow your headwinds to alter a positive outlook.

Until you find your groove, it is not easy, especially when you are faced with illness of a loved one or another serious situation. I must admit I have a sad cloud of illness that tries to interfere with my positivity.

It hangs over me until I force myself to lift it and let the sunshine through. Thinking, I have found my mind and found solitary pleasure in living without a chattering crowd. I now have my own little corner of the universe to think, really think, about what I want to do for myself while remaining Florence.

This is interesting because women are not used to living in solitude. We are taught to watch out for one another and be part of a tribe, like that which we find in our Facebook groups and the like. Interestingly, I’ve found profound pleasure in living somewhat, not totally, inside my bubble because solitary pleasure offers so many benefits.

The Empowerment of Solitary Pleasure

What do I mean by solitary pleasure? My preference is to be as close to my hubby’s side as possible. This means I’m staying home with him in our condo-in-the-sky. This decision has given me time to delve into my head with all sorts of interesting thoughts and actually develop new projects that will nourish my soul. My solitary pleasure is healthy and empowering.

I’ve learned that a woman can shift from a life of grandeur to a life of semi-seclusion and be happy because her new friend is herself. It allows her uninterrupted time to think, daydream, process, and ultimately grow. And isn’t a woman’s life about growing and blooming?

I am by no means a hermit. I venture out to my pilates class, exercise on the nearby track with my pooch America by my side, say hello to people on the street, go to the Tuesday outdoor market and make small talk with vendors. And I race out for a mani-pedi, and visit my hairdresser, who’s also my shrink! I talk on the phone to dear and loyal friends.

My business is in my condo and alive with activity, and I write. I’m a political news junkie, so I’m up on all current and worldly happenings. Most importantly, I’m spending more and more quality time with my ultimate concierge and my thoughts, which I find refreshing. There’s so much to think about, sweet reader.

It’s All About How You Approach Your Solo Time

I don’t believe that solitary pleasure has ever been adequately praised in today’s world. It should be. Never fear alone time or being alone. It’s all in how you approach it.

This is what I’ve cultivated over the past year.

In my alone time, I now dwell on possibility! Solitary pleasure has become my way of learning to nurture a relationship with myself.

At different stages of life, a woman has the ability to add to her identity, and I’m excited to tell you that I will be adding a new identity to my name. I dare say this wouldn’t have happened a year ago.

Over the course of these months, I have also added to my identity an inner personal strength: I have tapped, tapped, tapped into the ability to exist comfortably with solitary pleasure and acknowledge the importance of being a Florence to myself.

And so can you, dear Florence or sweet reader. Tap, tap, tap! Put on your tutu and learn to dance to your inner drummer. I am a true advocate of solitary pleasure. I am smiling!!!

 

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