“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves: even when we risk disappointing others.”—Brene Brown.

I love the word love. Without love there would be no joy in my life. In my world, true love has no boundaries. What I especially love about love is that there are all degrees of love to tap into. Passionate love, compassionate love, unselfish love, philanthropic love, pleasurable love, patriotic love, devoted love for children and doting love for pets, the love of success and the love of friendship, and lastly, to be able to love with no boundaries you must have …  love of self.

To bloom and feel visible and love others after 50, love of self is mandatory. How you regard yourself sets the standard for how others will treat you.

I have been living a diverse and emotional odyssey for 50-plus years, and I love my life. My emotional odyssey over the years was my greatest teacher. I learned in my late 30s and early 40s that focusing on my faults and dwelling on my insecurities was emotionally unhealthy. By the time I was in my early 40s, I had moved my family across the ocean to Honolulu, Hawaii, made a new life, ran large charitable campaigns and suddenly, with no warning, became a widow.

Meeting and surmounting each challenge raised my level of self-confidence, and at 45 years of age, I came into my own.

Grieving over the sudden loss of my husband forced me for the first time in my life to look inward and think about myself and my feelings as I mourned. At 45, I learned the importance of self-love. Self-love is not being selfish; rather it is a reliable gauge to your true self. I wanted to be alone and I was. I wanted to move out of our home and live in an apartment by the sea and I did. I did not want to talk on the phone or accept invites to be with friends and I didn’t. I learned the importance of valuing the “me in me.”  Shakespeare turned advice into poetry: “This above all else, to thine own self, be true.”

It is so important, darlings, to remember that your life is yours alone.

When women you know see that you live your life by what makes you happy they may think you are selfish or antisocial. But those women who get it and practice self-love by being true to themselves will respect you. I think many women — many people — live by what they think others expect of them. Do you? If you do it is not too late to shift your thinking. Read some books on self-love. Talk to women you know who know the importance of dancing to their own music. Seek out leaders, not followers. Seek out women who light up a room and stand proudly because they feel their power. They know that self-love opens the door to real love for all who touch their lives.

What Happens When You Have Self Love Over 50:

• When you have self-love you have the courage to set boundaries for yourself even when you risk disappointing others.
• When you have self-love your self-confidence grows, making you happier because you feel self-worth.
• When you have self-love you want to take care of yourself. This is powerful.
• When you have self-love you will compare yourself less to others.
• When you have self-love you will have an open heart to give your love to others.
• When you have self-love you’ll know when to say “no.”

It is never too late to make a big positive change in your life. Give yourself credit when you should. Try trusting your instinct. Work out and get yourself in shape so you feel self-love. Challenge yourself to try something you have always wanted to do or a new interest that excites you. Keep a journal!!

It is a wonderful feeling when you feel good about yourself. It is self-love at its best.