Welcome to the Honey Good series on sex after 50. First I would like to share why I am writing this important series. We did a survey on Honey Good on sex after 50+ and the responses to our questions were so honest and heartfelt. Because of this, I decided the topic on sex after 50 should be open for discussion. I will write a total of four stories on sex after 50 +. First, we’ll discuss the connection between communication and great sex.

Wondering what to wear to be sexy? See my picks for sexy lingerie after 50.

As the song says, “Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Let’s do it, Let’s fall in love.” Why? Because sex is the most intimate form of communication between partners. 

Partners communicate on all levels and at the top of the list is sexual intimacy. Once there is a bond between partners, they have their own form of communication. A wink, a smile, a light touch, the sound of a voice is also a form of sexual communication. Right?

Not all relationships, not all partners are bound together by sexual intimacy. They are bound together because they have established genuine love and respect for one another. Sexual intimacy is the frosting on the cake as well as the most intimate of intimate feelings.

I mean no offense to my late husband, and I mean that honestly. I did not listen to my heart when he proposed. When I said yes, I knew I should have said, no. At 19 years old, I did not understand that physical attraction was as important as our similar backgrounds. I am sure many of you may have made the same error.  

We were married until I was widowed in my 40’s. Now that I am a woman of 50+ I admit I should have walked away. My heart did not do summersaults. I  knew but I did not listen. Would I walk away now? The answer is yes. Would you have done the same?

MEETING “THE ONE”

My Ultimate Concierge, however, is an entirely different matter. The moment I laid eyes on my second husband, and before he said one word to me, I felt fireworks. Not butterflies, darling, fireworks. And my late husband was far more handsome! 

What causes great physical attraction? I don’t know the answer. I saw my Ultimate Concierge through the large windows of a building and my heart did summersaults. This was before we met — before we said a word to one another!  I watched him get out of his car and I felt this incredible feeling of attraction. 

To this day, I can see how his body moved. I remember the suit he was wearing. And, as I walked out the revolving doors of the building where I was staying, I could hardly breathe. He literally owned my heart. 

I remembered his first words, “I feel I know you.” 

He had been widowed for six years and dated several women. Yet after spending less than 4 hours with me he told me he was going to marry me. My heart knew! It did flip-flops!!!  

There is nothing more important at the beginning of a relationship than a great physical attraction. It is the utmost form of intimacy and communication between partners. The relationship, so long as it has the other necessary and essential ingredients — such as respect — can only build. 

Today, after 31 years of marriage when my Ultimate Concierge enters a room, I feel a strong attraction. When he holds my hand, I feel a strong attraction. When he opens the car door for me I am attracted to him. 

In other words, our bed is not the only place I feel an attraction for the man I married 31 years ago. The attraction between us started with physical communication. It has grown ten-fold through our experiences as husband and wife. I always say and mean this from the bottom of my heart; he is all around me.

IT’S NEVER TOO LATE

Unfortunately, I know that not all of you are so lucky as I am. But, I truly believe relationships can change. It is never too late to have an intimate conversation with your mate. Men are motivated when they feel needed, in my opinion. Therefore, for your partner not to feel needed is a slow death. 

Secondly, we are motivated when we are cherished. If your mate is a woman, cherish her. 

Start the conversation with your emotional tools. Because when a man does not feel needed he becomes passive and less energized. He can give up on the relationship, at any age. When you fill his cup, so to speak, by telling him you appreciate and trust him, he will have more to give. Express to your partner how much you love and appreciate them. The next step is to allow yourself to be vulnerable and say, “ I am motivated to be close to you when I feel you cherish me.”  

In my opinion, words are sexy and are very worthwhile. They are a form of sexual communication. Words can set the groundwork for what will become a more fulfilling relationship. They open up doors between you and your partner.

Remember you are worthy of your partner’s love. You don’t have to earn it. You deserve it. When you wake up to this fact and talk, your partner will give you more. Remember, men at every age are ‘hunters.’ It is your responsibility to inform them of your needs. Give them the opportunity to hunt! 

I know some of your husbands had surgery and are impotent. Or have other reasons for impotence. Just because they cannot have an erection does not stop their physical needs and their attraction to you. There are other ways to have a loving and communicative sex life. 

Explore. Have a conversation. You will be pleasantly surprised. Where there is a will… there’s a way to satisfy both of you that is enjoyable and the most intimate of intimate.

WHY NOT SPICE IT UP?

I know you have strong sexual desires. Some of you are widows or divorced. I know many of you miss the sexual encounters you experienced when you were younger. If you are upset it is important to sit down with your partner and communicate your feelings in order to restore a rapport. If you cannot, there are other means of satisfying your sexual needs and your hubby’s too.   

Consider vibrators, darling. This may be a challenge and you may be blushing but consider the thrill once you get past the blushing stage. There are beautiful vibrators on the market for your personal sexual stimulation. Why not! You deserve personal pleasure. 

One reader who filled out the survey suggested Dame products. Have a look here and start the conversation! You might find just the thing to surprise yourself or your partner and get the words and feelings flowing. 

If your sexual communication is diminishing or gone, it is up to you to restore the romance. Bring up the subject over a candle-lit dinner or at another appropriate time. Don’t hold back if you are shy. Your partner is feeling the same needs. Many men don’t express themselves. They live in their caves. Remember? Invade their cave through honest communication.  Women are the gathers, remember darling? Gather your resources, darling. The first one is honesty.

Do you have trouble communicating with your partner? What would you say is the #1 obstacle? Please share with me in the comments. Let’s get the conversation going!

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