You as the Main Character in Your Life
The day you were born, the first page of a great drama was starting to emerge. Although the plot was only an outline in the beginning, ‘baby born’ on x day in x town, features of the future scenes were already taking shape. The cast would include your parents, extended family, and other significant people as you grew up. There would always be a setting, every day for the rest of your life, in good times and bad. And every day for the rest of your life you would be the main character handling each day, no matter what you had to juggle. Remember, you are not just a participant—you are the character of your life, shaping your own narrative and direction.
Understanding Your Position
Have you ever paused to consider your true role in the story of your own life? Most people, without even realizing it, spend years playing a supporting role—fulfilling the expectations of family, friends, or society, and letting their own dreams fade quietly into the background. But the truth is, you are not meant to be a background character in someone else’s movie. You are the main character, the protagonist, and your life is your own story to write.
Understanding your position in the world means recognizing that you have the power to create your own path. You are not just a piece in someone else’s puzzle; you are the one who gets to decide what your life means, what interests you pursue, and what dreams you chase. It’s easy to fall into the habit of letting others’ beliefs and desires shape your days, but the moment you realize you are in control, everything changes.
Think about it: every great story is filled with challenges, twists, and moments of doubt. The main character—you—faces these head-on, learning and growing with each new task. You are capable of so much more than you might believe. When you break free from the supporting role and step into the spotlight, you begin to see that your own life is filled with meaning, and you have the power to create a good life on your own terms.
Of course, this doesn’t mean you are alone. The world is filled with other characters—family, friends, mentors—who support you, challenge you, and help you discover new parts of yourself. But ultimately, you are the one who decides which direction your story takes. You get to write the next chapter, choose the adventures, and decide what kind of person you want to become.
So, take a moment to reflect: Are you living as the main character in your own life, or have you let yourself become a background character in someone else’s story? What would it mean to step forward, take control, and start creating the life you truly want? The first step is simply to realize that you are the author, and your story is still being written.
Embrace your role as the protagonist. Challenge the status quo, follow your own path, and fill your days with the things that bring you joy and meaning. Your life is your own, and you are more than capable of achieving the dreams you once thought were out of reach. Decide today to play the main character, and watch as your story unfolds in ways you never imagined.
The Scene Called ‘Pandemic’
Right now, we are all in the scene called ‘Pandemic‘. I am in it along with you and I am the main character of my life. Just as you are of yours. We have all lived through thousands of scenes that make up our lives, some funny, some sad, some unexpected, some expected and wonderful, some forgotten, and many remembered. Our past experiences, with all their struggles and triumphs, shape the current scene we find ourselves in.
During this pandemic scene, much has been discovered about ourselves and the world around us. Each week brings new challenges and opportunities for growth, marking the progression of both the pandemic and our personal journeys.
Today I’m taking you down the memory lane of some of the funny or poignant scenes in my life in the hopes that you will pull out of your playbook of life scenes and perhaps write them down. Or share them with a neighbor or a friend, or your grandchildren, or just yourself for a good chuckle and the lovely awareness that you are not only the main character in your life story but the heroine of your life. The stories we tell from these experiences help us connect, reflect, and understand ourselves better. You made it through, and you are still making it through. One day you will wake up and realize you are in the next chapter of your life and the Pandemic is over. But right now, let us enjoy ourselves by reviewing some of the antics of being alive!
Here are some of mine.
The Dog Bite
I was coming off the trolley with my mom, having been to the doctor. I was 4 years old, living in New Haven. As a child, I was shaped by the experiences and lessons of my early years, and this moment would become one of those formative memories. As we came up to our apartment house, a gang of kids, the oldest about 5, was petting a stray dog. I wanted to pet the dog also. My mom told me several times, not to touch the dog as the kids were exciting him and he could bite. So, I pushed ahead of her and ran up to the dog. She tried to stop me but could not. The next thing that happened was the dog bit my hand as the kids looked on in shock and my mom screamed.
She pulled me out of the circle of kids. “See, the dog bit you. Now we have to wait for the trolley and go to the doctor’s office.” I do not remember my mother yelling at me. She just did what she had to do like a good mother should. I, of course, cried as the bite hurt. Back we went to the doctor’s office. I was taken in immediately, cleaned up, and given a shot. Back home we went on the trolley. The kids and the dog were gone. All that was left of the scene was my injured hand and a slight fear of dogs that persist to this day. After the incident, I was afraid of approaching dogs, and I learned to treat my mistakes as opportunities to grow. Reflecting on the event, I realized what went wrong—I ignored my mom’s warning and acted impulsively. Over time, I learned to accept the consequences and the lessons that came from that experience.
My First Contact Lenses
I am 17 and getting my contact lenses. How could I possibly go off to college, living in a dorm, and dating, wearing glasses! Finally, my mom and dad had agreed, and I had all the appointments to get fitted. Today I was to bring the contacts home. The doctor had me practice one last time in his office and sent me home, wearing them. But they had to come out in 2 hours, as the eyes had to get used to them. I got home to an empty house, thrilled. The hour passes and now I must take them out. I go into the bathroom, set my shoes aside, and set out the container they will go in. Immediately I see it is much harder than when the doctor was helping me. I am shaking a little as I try to get the lenses out of my eyes.
The first one is out! Into its case. The second one is out but oh no! It is gone. It has fallen on the floor somewhere! My heart starts beating faster, I am in a panic. I am terrified I might lose the lens for good. Those lenses cost a ton of money and there is no insurance on them. My parents will be furious! I start to look on the bathroom floor on my hands and knees. I make a guess as to where it might have landed, searching every possible spot. I am miserable. Time passes. Finally, I give up and stand up. I get on the toilet seat to put my shoes back on and as I lift one foot, I see the lens stuck to the bottom of my foot. I carefully pick it off. Seems fine. I cannot believe it. I put it in the container and relief floods over me. As I reflect, I start figuring out what happened and how I missed it. In the end, I managed to figure out the solution by not giving up and checking everywhere. My mother comes home and I never tell! This scene of my life is hidden forever, until now!
New Years Eve
Jumping to college days. I am invited to a date’s home for New Year’s Eve. Since he lived at a distance I was to stay overnight. I was a sophomore and I think this was my first overnight at a guy’s home. Luckily, his parents were lovely to me. They had an old historical home and it was freezing cold out and chilly inside. My room was next to theirs and they gave me an electric blanket to use. I got into bed, a little uptight being so near them, and knowing if I used the bathroom, they could hear me. Anyway, as I lay in bed, I started to worry that maybe I would electrocute myself with the electric blanket. Couldn’t they be dangerous with all those wires?
It was quite challenging to manage my worries and not let my anxiety take over. At the time, it felt like a job just to calm myself down and try to think rationally about the situation.
I was suddenly feeling tingles in my body. Oh no, maybe I was already getting shocked. Finally, I jumped out of bed and put on the light, only to discover that I had forgotten to plug the blanket into the wall socket! The tingles and the worries were all for naught. Looking back, I actually find some fun in the memory, despite the initial stress. Another secret moment in the Barbara Becker drama of life!
Now it’s your turn! Can’t wait to read some of your dramas! Tell them to us in the comments below.
Sometimes friends and colleagues call me, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein: ‘The Enchanted Self.’ That’s because as a psychologist in private practice for over 35 years, I’ve developed a form of positive psychology called The Enchanted Self. I’m not enchanted, but I do have so many ways and ideas to help all of us feel better through all stages of life. These methods help us to recognize our potential, regardless of our age, to grab on to our talents and find again and again the emotional energies needed to be creative, resourceful, resilient, and to live joyfully. There comes a point in life when you realize your potential and the importance of not just trying to work hard, as society often teaches, but also working smart to achieve true fulfillment.
In two minutes share with the ‘girl’ from my books, The Truth, Diary of a gutsy TweenSecrets, Diary of a Gutsy Teen, and my films, the ‘girl’ who has no name, as she is all of us. Share with her as she goes from despair to elation as we most, not only in today’s pandemic but as we travel through life. Enjoy seeing the joy she finds loving and connecting once more and bring it home to your and your grand-kids. Watch the film at: https://vimeo.com/402998418 and feel free to pass it along!
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